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I've never had a good experience with my doctors. They always brush me under the carpet and never actually seem to do anything about my anxiety.
I went last year, because I had a major relapse and I nearly had a breakdown. I lost a stone in weight, had no sleep and started to grow paranoid and extremely nervous all the time. I was so scared that it was going to turn into a psychosis. I started to self medicate with my mums sertraline at this point. This was when I thought I'd finally get some help but once again I was just brushed aside, told to write it down or try meditation. I tried these, did nothing whatsoever. Tried to make another appointment, got too scared. I continued to self medicate but now I've stopped them as it became another source of anxiety.
Now I'm having an awful time. Like last time. Only this time it's seeming to get worse. I'm having mini panic attacks, and I'm terrified to go to sleep as it just makes me feel unsafe, as when I do I have utterly bizarre dreams that wake me up feeling breathless and scared. I'm crying all the time and every morning I wake up shaking or highly anxious. I've suffered from long bouts of depersonalisation that scare the heck out of me as they come from nowhere. I'm snapping at people and losing my patience easily. I'm scared that when I go to see my doctor in two weeks, they'll just try to fob me off again. But I know I need help. Whether it's from pills or from some form of counselling, I can't go on like this much longer. It's taking over my life and even people at work have started to notice
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