How do we cope with herpes?

Hi hun I know exactly how you feel, ive not been diagnosed yet but had a test and waiting for the results, neither of us have been unfaithfully and dont know where i picked it up from. my partner is freaking out and not talking to me so as well as having to come to terms with the possibility of having G.H i also have to cope with the possibility of losing my partner and then the worry of meeting someone new and how to have the dreaded conversation with someone new. i know how you feel as im going through the same as you right now. i feel alone, i cant talk to my friends or family about it as im also ashamed, i know its not the worst thing in the world to have but the stigma surrounding it makes you look/feel dirty

That sounds so horrible! Hopefully once he has time to take it in and read up about it he'll understand that there's no point in loosing you over this. I completely get that dreading of that conversation with people in the future. Even though people will say it's really not that big a deal a lot of guys won't understand that. When I found out I had it i felt so disgusting so in a way i wouldn't even blame them. There definitely is a stigma that goes along with sti's which makes it sound so much worse. It just seems so rubbish to have this when I know the majority of people my age don't. Even if I find the right person I'm still going to feel icky and like used goods, if that makes sense? I'm hoping that after a week or a couple of weeks I'll come to terms with it and realize it isn't the end of the world- because it isn't! I really hope it works out with your partner, just get all the info you need and tell him how it's really not too bad

I know its not the end of the world, ive done alot of research and it really isnt as bad as it could have been, i just need to get him to see that. its not helping he keeps ignoring me, hes freaking out by all the images hes seen on the net but from what ive heard the outbreaks for people arent as bad as those pics. and they dont get as bad with every other ourbreak. if i lose him over this i just dont know what id do, if he cant accept me with it and support me then how can i expect anyone new to

I got diagnosed about 4 months ago after i had a horrible break out and I had no idea what was going on, the doctor told me that I could have been carrying the virus for years and never known it. The GH virus is the same as the cold sore virus the only difference is where the break out occurs. If you ever had chicken pox as a kid then you already had the virus inside you since herpes is a variant of chicken pox. If you were ever in contact with a guy who had a visible cold sore and maybe you guys did oral sex it can be passed that way from mouth to genitals.

I felt like I was a horrible person for a while until I did more reading, a very large percentage of the population has at least one form of herpes, its even more common that diabetes. There is just a stigma because its on the genitals rather than anywhere else on the body. As long as you are honest with future partners you will find one that is ok with it or maybe he has it as well and theres nothing to worry about.

Thank you for your input! One quick question. Can I pass it on through kissing? I really have no idea all the websites say so many things so im so confused.

And to amanda- my doctor told me to be so careful when researching online as so many places have really wrong info. Make sure he's looking at proper, formal websites and hopefully he will see what it really is.

From what I understand the only time you pass it along is when you have open sores. If you have genital herpes it wont be passed by kissing. If you have cold sores and you kiss someone it can be passed on that way. It is smartest to avoid any sexual contact when you have a break out because it can be spread to other areas of your body- the anal region, inside the vagina, etc. If someone were to preform oral sex on you while you have a break out it would more than likely infect them with the herpes and they would get it on the mouth. If you have a cold sore and preform oral on someone else it can transfer to them and become genital herpes. Herpes enters in through small openings in the skin- sometimes so small you dont even realize they are there. It can be something as simple as being rubbed a little raw from shaving.

I hope that helps a little, I was lucky that I was able to talk to my mom about it and she went through nursing school so I feel I got pretty good information. I know the sheer amounts of information and websites can be extremely over whelming.

Hi i was diagnosed in november with type 2 and iv done alot of research even without sores theres still a 2% chance that you can be infected even when you use protection like condoms. Herpes doesnt always have sores where you would expect ie genital herpes wont always stay around the genitals

If you have sores and touch them then touch another part of your body without washing your hands you can then pass it on to another person or another part of your body.

Its not too bad and in time you will begin to notice the first signs of an outbreak thats going to occur so you can take steps to prevent it or at least make it not so bad the first outbreak is always the worst.

Take vitamins everyday to build your immune system up this will help fight any future out breaks foods that are naturally red in colour also help strengthen your immune system aswell x

Hi ladies! Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your experiences! I was diagnosed about 1yr ago and like you, was completely devasted. It took me a few days to come to terms that I had GH and then I finally confided in my mother and best friend. I completely understand that you feel ashamed, dirty, confused, hurt, etc, however DON'T. You must come to terms with it, hold your head up high and take care of yourself mentaly & physically. Confide in your best friends and close family. I felt so much better when I did. My best friend is the biggest germ phobe and old fashion kind of girl. She thinks yeast infections are disgusting. It was very tough telling her but she was so understanding and sympathetic. My mom cried and actually shared an experience she had with an STI in her younger years, that I never knew about. Its great that your talking about it on here but it will help you to confide in those who love you!

As for your partners, I'm sure he is in shock too. My best suggestion is to bring him to your doctors appt so that the 3 of you can have a good old discussion. Don't even tell him your bringing him there. Trust me this is much better than directing him to the internet. Plus your partners need to get tested and possibly treated as well. My doctor told me the following: 50% of people infected with the virus don't have outbreaks, therefore never even know they have it. Guess we're not part of that 50% DAMN IT...LOL. This is why the virus is so easily spread because there are no visible sores. The virus can be spread during the "shedding"process. This is before visible sores appear.

In time you will learn the signs, symptoms & triggers for your outbreaks. For me, if I don't get enough sleep, not eating healthy and stressed, an outbreak will occur. I know its coming because I get these weird sensations on my inner thighs and buttocks. This usually happens for 2-3 days then BAM those painful busters appear.

Although there is no cure, for this vicious bitch of a virus. There is suppressive therapy which is GOOD NEWS!! Anti viral medication such as Valtrex (I take this) will greatly help reduce the number of occurrences you have and will also help to not spread it! When I take my medication, I never have any outbreaks. When I don't take it, then I will have one, a few weeks later so with that said, schedule a doctors appt so you can discuss these treatment options/medications and bring your partner along!

Unfortunatley, even the safest sex doesn't prevent the spread of herpes.  There can be an open cut, even a small shaving knick and you can catch it.  If in fact you do have it, please know there is an amino acid that prevents breakouts.  Most doctors won't tell you about this.  It is cheap and easy to buy where they sell vitamins.  It is called L-Lysine.  Take 50 mg a day and you won't have break outs.  This amino acid also prevents cold sores and other forms of herpes.  Hope this helps.  Hang in there...