How do we deal with certain situations?

You were much more gracious about that situation than I would've been. If anyone, even my boss, had signed me up for a 4 mile run without asking their ears would've been ringing for a month. And then to have them try to do an end run around your decision not to participate...just no. Don't waffle on your position, make it clear to your boss and his wife that you have a genuine medical condition that prevents you from participating. If they ask what that condition is, just tell them it's an autoimmune condition and you'd prefer not to discuss it. If they really push it get your doctor to write a note.

Personally I'd tell them I run for survival, not for charity. I donate every month, thank you very much. And the next time they sign me up for a team building exercise it darn well better be for a netflix marathon or something.

As for your hubby, I can totally relate to that. Like you, I told him before we got engaged and he was very supportive and has continued to be so throughout our marriage. There were some days though, during some horrific flare ups, that I could tell he was missing our intimacy. He never said anything unless I brought it up though. We made some compromises. There were some days I was in so much pain the thought of anyone or anything touching me was unbearable, and he learned to respect that. There were others where I wasn't in pain so much as extremely self-conscious about what was going on down south. Kind of hard to feel attractive when you have bodily fluids leaking from orifices that should't exist. Some of those days we...well got creative like you said. Whenever I had good days, we took advantage of them.

I also had to learn to communicate to him what was going on with my body. I had to constantly remind myself that he's not a mind reader and if I'm having a good/bad day he needs to know. That said, if you're in too much pain, or you're just not feeling it, your hubby needs to respect that.

As embarrassing as it was, the best thing I did was to sit down with my hubby and make a code so to speak. We kept a calendar on the wall, in the morning when I got up, I'd make a mark on the calendar. Red was a bad day, yellow was an in between day, and green was a good day. Red days were flare-ups and were strictly off limits, as in touch me and it'll be the last thing you ever do. Yellow meant I had a flare, but would be open to exploring alternatives. Green meant I'm feeling good, and today would be a good day to...ahem. This kept him up to date on my status and also alleviated some of the tension about having to constantly ask, especially since I'm not good at initiating. FYI, we didn't always umm...initiate a countdown on yellow and green days. It was just a way for him to know that I was open to the idea. We both had jobs and kids to deal with so we had some dry spells, but that system worked for us. Although, we did have to move the calendar to the bedroom after my mother-in-law started asking why I was coloring the calendar. Awkward...

Find a system that works for you guys. Don't be afraid to talk to him about it, he's probably just as embarrassed about talking about your intimacy as you are. If he's not willing to work with you or willing to respect certain boundaries, then I'd say it's time to get a marriage counselor involved to help mediate.

Hope this helps. Good luck!