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I really need some advice.
I was diagnosed with complex PTSD a long time ago after suffering a rape at the age of 23. I aborted the baby that was conceived due to the rape and never forgave myself. I turned to drugs and alcohol. My best friend commited suicide and I found him. I moved 200 miles away to get away from the pain that I felt. The nightmares and sleep walking were awful.
I met someone and trusted him. I was told I couldnt have any more children but I got pregnant again. My cervix was weak and I was told I wouldn't get through the pregnancy. I had her 10 weeks early and she was and is severely disabled. My life then changed because I had to focus on her. My dad died not long after she was born and the grief destroyed me. I work from home and am on medication but I cry all day. I don't know where to turn. I've had counselling and CBT but it didn't work for me.
I'm at the point now in my life where I know I'm losing the will to live. Yes, I'm lucky to have a child and a supportive husband but I keep having suicidal thoughts. Where do we go and what do we do when we are at the end of the road???
Any replies would be appreciated. I'm self-medicating with alcohol. I cry all day. I can't leave the house. My life is a mess.
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