How do you cope with trust issue with low self esteem and depression?

Posted , 5 users are following.

Hello, this is Maddy. Posting for the first time. Had to rant about my pain. Sorry for my bad English. I've never been diagnosed before. Took online diagnosing and came to know that I've both dysthymia and PTSD. I'M LITERALLY SUFFERING FROM SEVERE ANXIETY, PANICK ATTACKS, LOW SELF-ESTEEM AND TRUST ISSUE. I'm a spiritual person, I believe this is temporary, I meditate but seems like my inner demons are more powerful than my spirit. My soul is constant fighting between happiness and darkness. It's all started from my childhood, never got a better parents. Have so called boyfriend, who doesn't care at all. I love him hard, never ever thought without living him(though it's a long distance relationship). My previous relationships didn't work out. Don't know why this world became so fake, selfish, rude lately. Others successfull couple makes me feel jealous. Honestly I don't think my relationship with my parents and boyfriend is ever gonna be fixed as because they never tried to understand me (its my duty to understand them everything). I'M TIRED, tired of moving on, tired of consoling my heart that everything gonna be okay oneday, tired of holding on, tired of crying, tired of pretending to be happy in front of everyone just because they don't understand, tired of praying to God. Nothing has changed since my childhood. NOTHING. Even God knows I don't deserve a stable, healthy, matured relationship. I'm depressed and can't share my pain with anyone. I've no place to escape. I was always been a wounded lone wolf who wandered in her small dark world. I don't see any purpose to continue this life. NO I'M NOT SUICIDAL. But lost all hope, desires, happiness, motivation just for my parents and boyfriend. I don't need anyone's sympathy. Just needed to vent. Thank you for listening with compassion.

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  • Posted

    Hi Maddy,

    One thing is clear: you need a break!! A break from how you feel and the endless cycle of thoughts. All of this has obviously been building up for a long time.  Where are you living? If it's the UK, you really should go to your local doctor as soon as you can and tell them all of this, how you are struggling, the anxiety and the PTSD. (I dont know about healthcare systems in other countries and accessibility/costs, im sorry). In your case they would probably get you referred to a counsellor, because as you said you need someone to listen with compassion; that is exactly what a good therapist does. An hour a week where you can talk and let this all out, and the therapist can help you to make sense of your thoughts. As youre depressed, the doctor will probably prescribe you an antidepressant to help with that but the therapist is a key tool for helping you to feel better. The trauma and anxiety can and will get better by talking to a professional! You DO deserve a healthy, stable relationship and anyone who has given you the opposite is at fault and doesnt deserve someone as sensitive as you. There is probably something in your psyche and your past which causes you to be with abusive or unhealthy relationships. A therapist can help you identify this and get you out of your old cycle which is making you feel terrible. You WILL feel better, more positive about yourself and the world. There are people everywhere that want to help you and that will. You need time, counselling is a slow process. But a lifesaver ??

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  • Posted

    Hi Maddy I am Diane. So very sorry that you are having so much trouble with anxiety..PTSD..loss of hope and other issues. You did say that you haven't seen a doctor. Right? I hope that you will make an appointment with a doctor and tell him what you told us. Have you tried antidepressants? I was very hesitant to try them and suffered needlessly for years before going to my doc and telling him what was going on. He put me on Prozac and in less than 2 weeks my smile came back and I started sleeping. I know it's not that easy for most people but just telling my doctor the truth made me feel less alone and I was into action...off the fence so to speak. Does any of this make sense? Do you think that you can talk to your doctor? No pressure I just want you to start feeling better and to have the life you deserve. And maybe start picking people in your life that love you and give back! How about thatsmile! Diane

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  • Posted

    Hi Madhuban - sorry to read of your situation. Sounds like depression. It has nothing to do with any god and particularly any invented god that is out to get you. You need to seek counselling to deal with whatever issues make you feel so depressed. You state the world is fake, rude and selfish (and elements of it are - always have been, always will be), that you are putting on a front for others, that all your relationships have failed, and that no-one understands you. The common denominator in all this is you. Nothing has changed since childhood because you have not instigated that change. It requires action. the first action you need to take is to make an appointment with a therapist, counsellor or psychotherapist to discuss what is happening and how you feel. You will find the answer when you seek it. When you understand yourself you will find others understand you, too. 
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  • Posted

    You are depressed. Your depression needs to be treated when it's affecting everything else. Some people can get better by themselves and some others need help to get out of the darkness that is depression. Try to find a  good Therapist and start CBT Therapy! 💖

    You are beautiful!👍Depression is causing your low self esteem. If your boyfriend doesn't care then why are you with him. I'm sorry if this is harsh but I don't understand. There's no such thing as a perfect couple. Not to offend anyone but everything nowadays I agree with you is so fake. Everyone using filters only showing the good things and not the bad. Showing a face that might not be true. It's just a front. Especially in this times there is no such thing as a stable healthy relationship.  Nobody is loyal and honest or good. I'm sure everyone has struggled with their partner just don't say it. It's normal of being in a relationship. If you don't fight then that means you don't really care about each other and just are there to keep each other company. Life has its ups and downs. No one said it was easy. "But we got to push forward and fight back to get better." 💪

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  • Posted

    Hi Maddy how are you today? Are you any closer to making a decision to calling a therapist or seeing a GP to get an antidepressant? Depression changed how I saw the world and everything in it. I can understand how you are so stuck in your relationships and change comes slowly but if you can make one small step call a doctor and get stable on an antidepressant then you can take another small step. Good luck. I'm here you are not alone. Diane

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