How do you explain to someone whats happening when you don;t know yourself?

Posted , 3 users are following.

Haven't been on here for ages but twice in a week is not good. 

I don't know how to put this into words, I don't really know what's going on inside my head but I want to self destruct yet again, but can't explain or know why. trying to put this in writing but nothing is coming my head can't think or process stuff. I don't know if I want to live or die I want to hurt myself but shouldn't cos I'll upset people but I don't know what to do. Get drunk, take drugs can't talk to someone cos I don't know what's going on, try here might help. I feel such a failure but a failure in what I don't know. i'm a mess. Having therapy but dread it, being advised to interact with people as i isolate myself. Do it before I get into a crisis easier said than done. Been keeping busy distracting myself today but this muddle keeps on coming back time and time again. tried writing stuff down but end up staring at a blank page. Sorted more stuff out today threw a lot away I don't know if i am subconciously making plans again. I don;t know whats going on....nothing seems to make sense....listening to music...keep crying maybe go for a walk already tried that once today...sorry for rambling.

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4 Replies

  • Posted

    thank you....thank you for helping me. you just did but probably don't even know  it. your comment about explaining things to others, when you cant explain it to yourself. thats how my whole life is. always having to explain to people .they wanna know what is going on, and when can i fix it. so effing exhausting in my 30 years in fighting my depression. i didnt realise that i dont even know whats going on. so from now on, when someone is bothering me...wanting my explination, and sh*t like that. i am simply going to tell them,"i dont know"and leave it at that.  i'm tired of having to explain myself, like i did something wrong. no more of that nonsence. i will alway reply i dont know? from now on. i thank you from the bottom of my heart. thank you so much for sharing, because if you hadn't, i would not have ever learned this new coping skill. i thank you a hundred times!!!  fondly, laura

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  • Posted

    you've done an excellant job on your comment. dont think that you cannot do it because you can do it. because you just did. a very good job. i hope you get some relief from all your suffering. i know i get helped here. and dont apologize about rambling on...thats my middle name...

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    • Posted

      I'm glad I have been some help to you Laura, still can't process stuff now eaten too much feel sick, trying not to drink this evening too. I might take what i've written to my session on Wednesday, feel miles away. looks like it will be drugs later to help me sleep ha ha, that doesn't work either. Busy day at work tomorrow too....just want to curl up in a corner and not come out. 

       

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  • Posted

    i have a friend i end up saying " i dont know to, a lot" , it is because her questions are loaded with " I dont get it, and it seems illogical". I love here but I keep my answers short.

    As far as not being able to write down how you feel. That for me means another symptom of depression. It makes me be quiet and listen to the wind in the trees or  birds. it helps a little sometimes.

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