How does one acquire self love?

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I don't think I have ever had self love since I was a very small child, if ever , and wondered how you learn it. It has affected me all my life and I only seem to feel unconditional love from animals, regardless of it being offered by people. Why would deliberate self harm or rejecting an offer of genuine love from people be appealing? Is it a sign of a personality disorder or just that I need to work on loving myself more regardless of any faults may have?

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  • Posted

    Hi Charlotte, I absolutely love my dogs and except that they love me unconditionally, I also love my partner but to be honest I don't love myself, why should I, I know myself so well that I can not always like myself, I think it's mumbo jumbo to believe you have to love yourself to be able to love others, if you can love anything even a teddy your capable of loving someone you just haven't found them yet

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  • Posted

    I think a better aim is learning to accept and value yourself as opposed to love yourself. 
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    • Posted

      Yes, my problem is accepting that doing something with bad consequences for others is unforgivable. I have negative thoughts about myself but I find that is a good thing, and would feel like a bad person if I held them against anyone unless I felt they deserved it.

      I know that no one is perfect. But I can't change until I accept I have done wrong and forgive myself for any aspects of me that are negative.

      Self abuse is comforting to me at times which can't be healthy. But I feel like it is part of me now. Would doing things I enjoy with no pressure to do them help?

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    • Posted

      Hi Charlotte

      Joyce Meyer writes some really good books she is a christian in her books she talks about God and Jesus and refers to quotes from the scriptures in the Holy Bible she wrote a really good book on forgiveness you can purchase her books on ebay cheap too take a little look.

      I don't know what your thoughts would be on the God or Jesus aspect but her advice on how to live your life is awesome, she is also on freeview at 9.30 in the mornings repeated in the evenings take a look see what you think and no you don't need to start going to church or join a christian group your already your own church all you need to find is already in you just needs to be fed and nurtured out for the world to meet and see.

      I watch listen and think Gosh that is so true she is so right. 

      I was likely the most negative person I ever knew, I never saw the bright side in anything or anyone unless it was furry and had four legs (there I too find unconditional love true unconditional love) 

      I do believe in the universal law and universal love and have seen and felt spirit around me and the love that comes with them and overall the peace that meditation can bring when asking them to bring you solutions to your problems small steps at a time.

      Negative thoughts about yourself help you recognise your faults so one by one you can work on them, if you find your doing negative things around others which cause conflict for you, then it's likely a  unconscious self form of punishing yourself which you know you should not do but keep repeating and doing it anyway, if possible move away from these people that may help you break the habit where their concerned people come and go in and out of our lives over time it's likely better for you and them, friends or family I've done this myself and my life is a lot lighter now.

      The more you naturally grow in yourself and become a genuinely nicer person over time the more forgiving you will become and less bothered by people's attitudes towards you that you don't like are easier to let go of the more your self respect and confidence will grow and your start to realise it's them and how they are as you have been there and done it or acted that way before yourself, your begin to recognise more and more how you want to grow and what you don't want to be and how your feel the desire to stay away from who and what you don't want to be around any more the more you get on this pathway the more your life will improve and the more you will grow in your innerself.

      Go and do things you enjoy and find some things peaceful you can go do on your own.

       I like to watch people and read them I watch how they move their bodies their faces their expressions listen to them your very soon learn their truths and their lies.

      Forgiving your self is a step on the road forgiving others can be one of the hardest things your ever achieve in this world especially the ones who you feel you could never forgive but you work on letting the hurt and anger go first don't waste time on working out why did they do that or how could they do that, they did it and it's done just explain how it hurt you or that you now realise how you hurt them and move on to letting the anger go then it's easier to forgive if you don't your carry those feelings for a long time and the will come up no matter how longer time has passed, I know as I have been there myself.

       it brought me a lot of angry hurtful years which resulted in two chronic illnesses. the illness have given me much time to examine my life my friends, family and choice of partners over the years I now spend much time alone my preference I became so beaten by life my family my never good enough for them that i have become so solid on my own and with the Holy spirit, that spiritually I am never alone I can see and link to the spirit world through clairvoyance I find I prefer their company and advice to the living ones and they give me strength and guidance and protection that I have never received from family friends or partners that are living and breathing, I can and have forgiven them and myself so that I don't wish to be around them and their negative belittling ways no more, there is so much love out there in the world you just need to find a true source that suits you Charlotte and self harm my love or self sabotage isn't it, don't let half your life disappear in front of your eyes hurting yourself or others, face any guilt you have and let it go one thing at a time it's the best favour your ever do for yourself kaz

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