How has depression effected your relationship..help!

Posted , 4 users are following.

To cut a long story short I've been married for 22 years with the usual issues and problems but when I'm well things have been ok between us.

i have probably been going down hill for 12 months or so and had thoughts of leaving on and off but never seriously (well maybe once or twice when I've had big grief).

When my anxiety kicked in due to work things and other stuff so did my depression and I've been haunted and totally obsessed with the thoughts Id had of leaving and whether I'd be better off leaving, I've interrogated! Questioned, analysed the whole lot and tortured myself over them ast 8 weeks, I couldn't see the future as being back to normal as all I see or saw normal was bleek and unhappy and that I don't love my wife although I do care for her very much. 

Its fuelled my anxiety and now I'm Severly depressed.

Has anyone any advise or can offer reassurances on how I'm feeling and perceiving things and has anyone been through or felt the same thing, I'm I listening too much to my anxiety and depression? 

Help please.

 

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4 Replies

  • Posted

    Ps I've been desperate not to feel as though I need to leave to get better, but my head has been telling me I have to leave to get better. 
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  • Posted

    Hi Aspinan,

    When depressed with any relationship we turn away from them. We go into ourselves.

    Subconsciously you may feel you don't want to be

    hurt or hurt someone else ie your wife.

    How long have you felt this way?

    Did stress and anxiety kick the depression in?

    We can look too deeply into our lives and things can become distorted.

    What is your main anxiety?

    Have you discussed your health with your GP?

    Do you feel you can bring yourself to see your GP.

    It would be the best way forward.

    Hope this helps xx

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    • Posted

      Thanks Linda, this is my 4th episode but I have Endogenious depression meaning it's a pre disposition and underlying, when my anxiety kicks in so does the depression, I don't believe my marriage has been a factor but my anxiety which is GAD always latches onto my wife and something I've done in the past.

      I went back to my GP 8 weeks ago to get my usual meds including increasing my venlefaxin which I've been taking on and off for 15 years or so and was on a maintenance dose for the last 4 years.

      My main anxiety is that I'd considered leaving on and off because of arguments we had had although we didn't argue any more or less than most people and it's snowballed into thinking I must have wanted to leave and have to leave to get better, but I've also been a binge drinker and over the last 12 months or so have really noticed my mood dropping especially after a binge (I'm currently off the booze), this has caused issues between us.

      im going for counselling for my anxiety and depression.

      Ive been ore occupied by these thoughts all of which have been negative, I've interogated myself to look for positives in our relationship etc, my other anxiety is that I know I'm pre occupied and simply cannot "let it go" which I can do when I'm well, ie we have our arguments, if it's a big one I pack and leave then go back after a few hours and after a period of stand off'ness we both apologise and make up. 

      Im considered Severly depressed and when I do relapse I do tend to dive bomb and hut rock bottom before picking up, I started going downhill 8 weeks ago and that's when I started my meds but haven't noticed much by way of improvement and my thoughts are like a stuck record. 

      My anxiety is now a constant level and hasn't worsened but my depression has. 

      Neil 

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  • Posted

    Awe Neil.

    You should of Inboxed me.

    As I've told you before,I too have had these thoughts and feelings in the past. Exactly the same. 

    That do have you questioning and analysing everything. 

    Now for me,I knew it was the anxiety and that even though I was plagued with these thoughts telling me I wanted to leave and didn't love my partner...that it wasn't the truth.

    Have you read the book "At last a life" by Paul David? If not Neil I think you would find it very beneficial and I urge you to read it. 

    It basically tells you to box everything that's happening due to anxiety. All your thoughts,feelings,sensations and fears....instead of trying to figure them all out separately and analyse each part,label them all collectively as anxiety because that's what everything you are feeling and thinking is.

    Its a very good read and worked wonders for me the last few weeks.

    Why not lay down..clear your mind...get relaxed...then with a calm,controlled mind,,,ask yourself the questions!!!!

    Do I truely love my wife?

    Do I want to leave my wife?

    Do I feel that my marriage could be worked on?

    You know the difference between your rational thoughts and your anxious ones so don't listen to the anxious chatter. Listen to your rational,calm replies.

    Im here if you need a chat buddy. You don't have to struggle alone. If I can help,I will xxx

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