How High Have you Been?

Have you ever been so high on life that you’ve thought you could take on the world? Have you ever had so much energy, that you’ve stayed awake for a week? If yes, then you have probably expericenced a manic episode, or you’ve been on drugs. I’m going to write a little bit about my experiences of living with bipolar type 1 for the last 10 years. I’d like to write about what it is like to be manic, how it can effect your life and the people around you. Over the past 10 years, I’ve spent time in various mental hospitals, once for a period of 6 months under section for a prolonged manic episode. When I was first diagnosed I was 21, and found little information about the disorder online, I hadn’t really heard of anyone having bipolar, and certainly hadn’t experienced anyone have a pychotic episode. It’s only now, after years of embarrassment, shame, and guilt about the way I behave while I’m high, am I able to talk about it openly and honestly. If i say to someone I’ve been menic, it’s basically meaningless, I would never expect someone to understand what I mean by the term “manic”

I’m going to try and explain what it is like for me to be manic, firstly, I’m happy. I’m not talking just slightly happy, I’m talking EXTREMELY happy, I move at a much quicker pace, I almost bounce/dance around not walk. My thoughts race, I have idea after idea, I can’t sit still, I can’t keep up with the ideas in my mind, my speech becomes quicker and quicker. As I become more manic sleep becomes less and less needed, as each day goes by, my energy seems to go up. Colours seem more vivid, you see the beauty in everything, i get more creative but as weeks pass by in this happy, energetic state and the sleep becomes less and less, psychosis starts to set in. Before I am even aware, I’ve become delusional, grand ideas, big plans, almost frantic, it’s at this point in the past that I have been sectioned under the mental health act, which there is no sugar coating, it’s scary!

Believe it or not, despite living with servere episodes of depression and the extreme highs that bipolar brings, I now manage to live a relitively productive, dare I say it, normal life. I want anyone reading this who has, or knows someone who has bipolar to know, that there is life after a breakdown, you can build your life back after being high (or low), because people can appear so happy during a high, its hard to begain to imagine the devastation a high mood can bring, from being reckless with money during a high moods, to the utter nonsense that you speak while your delusional, and totally devastating life decisions you can make while elevated. I’ve learned what my triggers are, but more importantly I’ve excepted I have a problem and have addressed it, I don’t live with any guilt for having bipolar anymore, yes I’ve had psychosis, yes I have servere mental health problems, but I don’t allow that to define who I am. There’s no shame in asking for help and I really believe that talking helps.

1 like, 0 replies