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How many pills can hurt you but not enough for you to die?

Posted , 7 users are following.

lylacskies
lylacskies

A few years ago I developed an eating disorder. I didn't realize it until now, but I obsessed about my weight to the point I barely ate so I didn't even have the energy to exercise. I used laxatives to try to lose weight but only had sleepless but pinaful nights with cramps and bad trips to the bathroom. 

Soon i started self harm, then had a big move, and i guess i 'm just so tired. i just want an excuse to sleep and just avoid having to work to the future that everyone pressures me about. but i love my parents and they love me and i don't want to die, but i just really want a break. please understand this and don't give me crap about things will get better and i've said it too much to my friend who wants to die.

4 likes, 21 replies

21 Replies

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  • pistal666
    pistal666 lylacskies

    Posted

    I'm looking online, and all I can see is how much your Mental Health care system is 'In Crisis'. Your Parents have issues if they are getting upset about your weight. It's their problem, not yours. You have done nothing bad, you are just unwell. 
  • tersia03817
    tersia03817 lylacskies

    Posted

    Maybe your parents are your problem? They should be encouraging you and helping you and nurturing you. Well, that's what I always did for my kids. I never forced them to do anything they didn't want to do. I saw my job as being there to encourage them to be and do whatever they want to do, as it is their life.

    My youngest dropped out of school when he just turned 16. I was upset about that but did not give him any crap about it. By the time he was 19 he had his own plumbing business and by 20 he was employing his own staff. He is 30 now, and very successful. So, since I let my kids make their own choices whether I liked it or not, even when I thought they were making the wrong choice (I would always tell them I think they are making the wrong choice, but it is their life and I'll never stand in the way of their choices, because that is how people learn, by making their own choices to see what happenes), I believe all parents should be like that.

    I feel sad for you that your parents seem to be being policemen rather than mentors, rulers rather than helpers, chains rather than wings. But maybe I am completely wrong and your parents are lovely and wonderful. I don't know. Just a thought. Clearly there is a lot of love there, but maybe not the respect you needfrom them, faith in you to take your time and find your self.

    I supported my youngest for 2 years while he did nothing. Then he decided to do plumbing and became and apprentice and went to college both at the same time. I never gave him any crap those 2 years he did nothing. I forced myself to believe he would eventually discover what he wants to do, and he did.

    You shouldn't want to self harm sweetheart. It makes me very sad. You need your confidence, self esteem, self worth and belief in yourself built up. That's what I think anyway.

    • lylacskies
      lylacskies tersia03817

      Posted

      My parents are the sweetest and are really supportive. They just want the best for me since they've been through so much crap and they want me to get the best grades and go to the best college to live a full and prosperous life. It's just that when they push me it can hurt me, since there is so much pressure on me it destroys me slowly. I don't want to worry my parents so I tend to lie to them. I am struggling with one of my classes but they think I excel in the class. I'm about to have my first B in my transcript and I've never been so afraid of my future. So I am having thoughts about not having one to avoid my consequences. It hurts me and it scares me, and I already have less chances to get into colleges and to be successful due to my ethnicity etc and I have to work twice as harder and everything is complicated. I'm disappointing myself with my own abilities to try to be successful in my academics and to keep my loved ones happy
  • tersia03817
    tersia03817 lylacskies

    Posted

    Maybe you sould ask your parents to please engage in a family therapist for all of you. Find the courage somehow to tell them there are things you NEED to say and share but are way too afraid of disappointing them and letting everybody down. Tell them you are really suffering a huge amount of stress and you need a qualified experienced professional to help you to talk about it and find a solution. Hopefully they will agree, if they really love you and care about your happiness, for your sake. You parents definitely need to know that the way they are going about things, no matter how well intentioned, is not helping you but is in fact making things much harder for you. They need to change the way they do things and the way they think about things, and it is not possible for you to tell them that. It has to come from a professional. That's what I think anyway. You can't go on as you are. It will only get worse.
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