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As the surviving partner of an alcoholic who did not make it I am left with so many unanswered questions. I will try to find a way to articulate. I apologise - in advance if I offend anyone or make a blunder in my rummaging in the darkness.
Given that AUD is a disease and that not getting help is part of the disease – how does one deal with the attitude of much of society that the AUD person is somehow defective and to blame for their disease because they did not get help and because their continued drinking was a form of self aggression?
Further, that if you love such a person and try to support them and stay with them you are considered part of the problem – ie co- dependent or an enabler etc. Yet, if my partner had cancer I would also stay with them and support them. So why is the attitude and or understanding of AUD so different? Is it ignorance? Or could it be that it varies greatly according to genetics and psychological characteristics? Is it because societies are not ready to deal with the real disease?
If it is a disease – is it a form of self aggression? Because this is the position of many medics and therapists – that it is a form of self harm and therefore attracts more aggression from the medical community. Is there any relation what so ever between the disease and the moral attributes of the person? This seems unlikely to me since no one would voluntarily lose everything they have and land on the street.
Something is terribly wrong with the attitude of the medical and judicial systems towards people with AUD in that, at least in this country, alcoholics are treated as if they are not ill but just bad people. How responsible is a person with AUD for their disease and its continuance?
I realize that the help available is mostly inadequate and discovered that in our most desperate time that there was virtually no real help.
I am struggling a lot with this as I have survived the violent death of a great and unique partner who had been an alcoholic for some 30 years, had many withdrawals (all self administered), was never ever violent, aggressive or nasty during a heavy drinking spree.
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