How to cope with partner depression/anxiety

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My partner has been struggling with his mood for almost a year now. It started as anxiety then manifested into depression and a fear of dying. It's now since just moved onto frustration. It was hard to see this once strong, funny loving individual crumble right in front of my eyes. We've been been together for 8years and never once had I seen him cry- until now.

I work as a mental therapist so I managed to get him support with CBT which appeared to help but I know feel that the guy I fell in love with has now changed- in a way he's turned into a stranger.

The feelings I once had for him seem to be wavering and our closeness seems to be drifting further and further away. As a mental health professional I'm used to giving advise but I have never experienced anxiety/depression so close to home before and I'm finding it hard to manage. I'm unsure whether these are normal feelings to have when relationship dynamics change and I'm unsure if it takes time to return to normal- any advice would be appreciated.

It's been a rough time for us both and we have spoken about our feelings which i know is a step in the right direction but would love to hear other people experiences of this and what helped you.

Thank you x

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5 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi, I am so sorry to hear of your problems, and I sincerely hope you can work these out. I can relate to your issue, but more from your partner's side, as I too have been depressed for the past 6 months and have only recently returned to work, though still finding things tough. I do not know if my depression has been caused by losing feelings for my girlfriend (which has made me sick with guilt and self loathing), or if it is the depression playing tricks on me. I am glad though you have both spoken about it, and I really do hope we both have a successful outcome.
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    • Posted

      I can so relate to you on the loss of feelings of love and happiness. I too am sick with guilt and completely loathing myself and wondering what has caused everything. One day I was so head over heels inlove and so happy and content..... to nothing. Feeling no love at all. I am so sorry you are going through this. I dont know what is causing it but I hope you can take comfort in the fact that you arent alone. I do have a question: Do you know in your mind you love her but just cant feel love for her/cant bring up your feelings of love or do you feel complete loss of feelings for her?

      Take care and keep in touch

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    • Posted

      It is quiet a relief, though I feel for you, to hear of another person in a very similar situation to me. I feel so awful as she has supported me through all this, and for so long I refused to believe that it could be that my feelings for her have altered. But, is it the depression wreaking havoc on my emotions? At times I have felt anhedonic, no feelings at all. I pray, so badly, for you, I and all others in such an awful situation.
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    • Posted

      The Anhedonic parts of this are what I myself am working through and trying to copy and understand... which I dont understand at all. I feel like I still am experiencing Anhedonia 24/7. I dont know really what I am feeling ever right now which too is very frustrating. I am very dissociated, are you feeling the same? Kind of checked out of life..?

      What I try to focus on is the fact that there are very SMALL moments when I think I may feel a something very very minute but I feel something. When this happens I try so hard to hold on to it and make it last as long as I can. I try to focus on it and remember who I used to be and how I used to feel.

      I know I love my husband I know I do. I dont feel it. I try to give myself some credit when I cry becuase we are arguing becuase I know I feel bad becuase I dont want to hurt his feelings anymore or continue to cause problems between he and I. I feel awful like you because my husband has been nothing but supportive, patient, forgiving, and loving since this whole thing happened. He truly is the closest thing to perfect. Our communication is completely crap right now due to the fact that my brain just cant compute contention right now and doesnt problem solve well. I know he feels like he cant talk to me becuase of what I am going through too.

      Through all of it though where we are still here fighting for eachother thats what matters. I know in the middle of everything nothing feels like its going to get better but I promsie you slowly.. very slowly you may start to feel the tiniest of feeling or emotion. All I cant tell you is those moments I am holding onto and keeping faith things will start to get better.

      I think it is the depression wreaking havoc for you. In my situation I have never ever been this way. I am not this person and I know I am not. I feel like I am not choosing into this I feel like I am forced to feel the way I do. 

      This situation is awful and no one talks about it enough or is aware of it. I know I wasnt until now becuase I am experiencing it.  

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  • Posted

    I am going to tell you I am on the other side of this. I am depressed and have been since November. I was put on Ambien which ended up making me totally numb to all feelings. Still to this day I feel nothing. I cant feel love for the man I married just 6 months ago.. how is that even possible? I will tell you that through this entire horrible journey to hell and coming back very slowly... If he didnt love me through it dispite everything that has been happening. I know I would be so much worse off.

    I am now in a phase where I have blunt no emotions but I cant seem to get myself to care like I did a month or so ago. Its like some one is sitting on the "I dont care about anything" button in my brain or like my brain has given up fighting. It is extremely frustrating and.. it just makes me feel like a bad person.

    Today I got a text from my sweet amazing tender husband who is just the most wonderful person.. seriously I just dont know what I would do with out him.. his text was to tell me that he has realized that he too is depressed and stressed out and hasnt eaten real food in weeks. I have been so disasociated that I also havent been eating but I havent noticed that with him really.

    My advise.. things have been very hard with us. I feel like a bourdon and I know everything about the woman I was before these medications is who I am.. but she isnt here right now. I dont know where she is but I am searching endlessly for her and trying to get back there.

    Keep faith and hope. I know this is so hard and not what you want to hear but I believe things will be hard and maybe even worse until they get better. I am so sad to see my husband feels as though maybe my negativity and depression is rubbing off on him. We are going to have to work on everything together now and also apart. What I am trying to get at is this.. if you were in your husbands position and the tables were turned.. would you want him to give up on you? or stop loving you?

    Only you know the answer to the feelings in your heart. Just know you are not alone. I am so sorry you are going through this.

    Take care and keep in touch

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