how to cope with recurring depression

Posted , 8 users are following.

Any advice will be much appreciated. I've suffered depression for 13yrs & have been on medication for most of it. I have 3 children 2 of whom live 300miles away, wen I split from the father of my older 2 my son went with him & daughter stayed with me, we left it up to them as to whom they want to live with as I just want them to b happy & all was fine until his now wife came on the scene. My daughter ended up bak with him, I kept in touch & often visited. They then for some reason would make it very difficult for me to see them or contact them. They threw my son out last yr at the age of 13 as had enuf of his bad behavior & learnt that his now wife had slapped my son around the face. I drove a 600mile round trip after work the next day to pick him up & from day 1 his dad didnot give him a chance to settle in & constantly txt him 'we need to get u bak' but wouldn't cum get him. He progressed extremely well over the months but still wanted to go bak so against my beliefs I took him bak, he only lasted 1month b4 running away to my parents where he's been ever since & is doing well. My daughter I have not much contact as they stop me seeing or speaking to her & have even called the police wen I have knocked on there door to see her. I have a fiance who I love very much but am struggling, he once sent explicit txts to my best friend while I was in work but I found out & he said it was just a joke, he has also txt another girl behind my back claiming it was all innocent, I know he never dun anything with her as she lives far away. I have become jealous & possessive, I have no confidence as I cannot loose my baby weight. He now works away & I'm not coping at all, I have times I'm ok but just normally wen I'm working, finding childcare is stressful as I havnt many people around me. He says he loves me but he doesn't show it often, I've told him a loving txt would b nice or the odd bunch of flowers but he doesn't understand y he should as he tells me often enuf. My lil boy is at the terrible 2 stage so can't take him out as he's a nightmare. I'm soo sad I don't know what to do or how to cope, I've tried to commit suicide so many times I'm scared I'll end up back there :'(

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  • Posted

    Hi dani, i have suffered a severe breakdown diagnosed with paranoid schitoprenia and depression and sucidal tendancies, i was sectioned by my mother and eldest sister for one month. I was hallucinating, hearing voices. So full of fear that my heart was almost bursting. I was sure the devil was hounding me and God punishing me.

    Depression? Well I came through it all!!!! I came out of the end of the tunnel, there was light, and hope, and the wil to live.

    Think positive, do things that make YOU happy, and your little boy happy.

    Could your little boy, if he is badly behaving (or what you see as bad behaviour) could be some type of hyper activity/sensitivity due to the split. My nephew was on ritilin for a long time, but I think he has grown out of this behaviour. Tell your doctor about his behaviour and your own feelings, he may recommend meds for both of you or counselling.

    Keep your head high !!!!!! Do it for you and your little boy. God Bless you both.

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    • Posted

      I am so encouraged by your post. I have suffered from recurrent bouts of depression and chronic fatigue and am so encouraged that you have come through.  Wonderful news.  Thanks for sharing.
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  • Posted

    Hi dani just read your very sad message no wonder you are depressed but go back to your gp and tell him how you really feel also try to get out even if its only to baby groups l no it takes sum doing but you have got to make a life for yourself and your little boy l would give your fiancé the push he doesn't deserve you. Please please don't think about sucide what would your poor little boy do my daughters husband committed sucide 26yrs ago he was only 30 yrs old and left my daughter with a little boy 11 months old l don't know how got got through it it was horrendous but we did so please don't . Your little boy is no different to many others its just that you are not feeling well enough to cope a two year old is hard work even when you feel good keep positive l will be thinking about you god bless you both
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  • Posted

    Hi dani just read your very sad message no wonder you are depressed but go back to your gp and tell him how you really feel also try to get out even if its only to baby groups l no it takes sum doing but you have got to make a life for yourself and your little boy l would give your fiancé the push he doesn't deserve you. Please please don't think about sucide what would your poor little boy do my daughters husband committed sucide 26yrs ago he was only 30 yrs old and left my daughter with a little boy 11 months old l don't know how got got through it it was horrendous but we did so please don't . Your little boy is no different to many others its just that you are not feeling well enough to cope a two year old is hard work even when you feel good keep positive l will be thinking about you god bless you both
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  • Posted

    Hi Dani,

    No wonder you are depressed, and remember depression is an illness like any other, and bears no shame.

    I have suffered from one form of depression depressionor another for most of my life on and off, and it was

    Only very recently that I was diagnosed with Type 2, bi-polar, probablly triggered by intense stress.

    First and foremost, right at this moment you need to get the medical care that you need, its possible that

    you need other medication, you probably need CBT as well. I also get the feeling that you almost need to sit down with someone and have a dammed good sob, I can give you a cyber hug if that helps? When you go

    to see your doctor why don't you tske a copy of your post if you are like me snd have a tendancy to say I'm

    Fine!

    If you ARE feeling suicidal there are some things that you can do; first snd forwards, you need a distraction

    bag; nothing fancy, it can be a carrier. In the bag you need to put some things that will distract you snd get you through the acute suicidal thoughts phase. I have a pack of cards (to play patience), a set of jacks, a

    Colouring book and some pencils, a book of short stories, a hot water bottle, some hand lotion, a bar of

    chocky, and a notebook. Sounds stupid but just foing things does help!

    You also know that you can call the Samaritans st sny time and they will help and there is a place in London called Mayday, where you can go and stay for up to 4 days. You can't tske snyone with you and can only go once but it is a charitable house that offers respite on a 1:1 basis where you are truly 'looked after', oh and

    It's free!

    Finally, have you tried communcating with others with MH problems for example Rethink or Sane forums? I find them helpful.

    Anyway, big hugs xxx

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  • Posted

    Hello,

    I'm very glad I came across your post, because I see that it is recent and so I'm in plenty of time to help you. I had depression for yeeeeeeeeears and I've finally gotten a handle on it. I've also lost nearly 10 stone so a big yippee to me (I'm not depressed anymore-can you tell?. The two problems;depression and weight loss have a common ancestor so- dealing with either condition as a symptom won't get you as far as you'd hopd and it will take much more effort. I know that stress and depression gives one a sort of brain fog and poor concentration, so I'm not going to give you a bucketload of science to back up my advice, because it would only torment your head. Just follow my instructions and you'll be out of the darkest part of the woods in maybe 24 hours. With the fields in view by the third day. N.B. IF YOU WANT TO BE OUT OF THE WOODS IN 3 DAYS-YOU MUST NOT CHEAT ON MY INSTRUCTIONS FOR 3 DAYS! Once you're out of the woods you won't want to go back so you'll naturally adopt these instructions into your life, but until you know they work , you'll need to trust in the process.

    Here's what you must do:

    Firstly we are a biological, chemical, electro-magnetic system. We need certain inputs to get that system to function. FOR THE NEXT THREE DAYS EAT ONLY, ONLY, ONLY HIGH PROTEIN AND LOW CARB foods: Meat, fish, eggs, cheese, nuts. If you're vegetarian it's going to be a little bit harder because fake chicken etc often comes with bread or batter casing (those sneaky carby- b@$tards) (I couldn't care less about your fat intake put cream and cheese on meat and eggs if that what floats your boat, and if it helps you feel better!) An Atkins diet is perfect. DO NOT EAT ANYTHING THAT HAS WHEAT OR FLOUR OR STARCH OR ANY INGREDIENT ENDING IN 'ose' sucrose, fructose, glucose, galactose. Marketing monsters put sugar-free on the labels but Sugar-free usually only means sucrose free-all the other sugars are there-AVOID them. You can use artificaly sweetened things, but to be honest while I use 100% cacaoa and the sweetener Xylitol to make my own chocolates, many other sweeteners have a laxative effect so beware! It might be best to avoid as many chemicals as possible for the first 3 days-just to give your system a chance. Lettuce is fine to eat and gives you fibre, eat low carb veg like broccoli and cauliflower ~(both great with a cream cheese sauce!) This eating will LIFT YOUR MOOD UNBELIEVABLY!!!!! It will also clear your head, so you can think your way out of 'circumstantial difficulties' as opposed to intrinsic difficulty of brain-fog and depression. P.S> Low carb eating can really shift weight but only if you don't cheat. it's only 3 days to clear your head and lift your mood-if it works keep it up. if not, try something else.

    As to your circumstantial difficulties: I am less qualified to comment on them but I would say the following:

    there is self-worth (what we believe we're worth) and other's-worth (what other people think we are worth)

    our self- worth IS NOT DEPENDANT ON ANYTHING OR ANYONE ELSE. So push it as high as you can believ in and then work to believe in higher.

    Other's worth changes with every passing trend and isn't worth persuing.

    My intuition is your boyfriend doesn't value you BUT that's no reason why you shouldn't value yourself. when you love yourself enough you will kick his misguided ass to the kerb, but wish him all the best as you do it. Be you own parent-would you advise a daughter (you thought was beautiful and smart, who had some self esteem issues and was depressed) to stay with a guy like him?

    Dan Ariely is an expert on decision-making and a entertaining man too (and despite extensive scarring from burns-I also find him to be quite the piece of eye-candy!) read his blogs or his books. he can shed light on your decisions.

    I'm trying to keep this short, which is tough when I'm also trying to be conversational in tone, so I'll just say that you must PLAN for success. However stressed you are you MUST carry Low carb food with you at all time and drink loads (I mean it-a dehydrated body is not going to feel happy and I want you to not only beat depression but to feel happy-I know it's possible) As well asw the food and water in-the-bag-plan you must PLAN to avoid stress and boredom and worry. I have a mah jong app on my phone, I play spider solitaite (medium level because the high level is more frustrating than soothing)

    As for your kids

    (1) you've allowed your son to live with your parents and he's thriving...AND HE'S THRIVING...let me say that again...HE's THRRRRRIVING!! god job, good mom putting son's needs above your own need to be validated by him living with you!!!!! A boost in self-worth due there I think!

    (2) your daughter just needs to know that all you want is her well-being and happiness and if she gets there where she is, it makes sense to stay there, but you'd love if she would keep in contact because you love her, and miss her and want her happiness and if it ever transpires that she thinks she'd find happiness with you then you'd be over the moon to have her back.

    (3) the two year old...CONGRATULATIONS! how lovely I'd love to have a little one around the place-they are such little life gurus! BE CAREFUL of your language tho 'the TERRIBLE twos?' there is NOTHING terrible about a beautiful little child so don't prime yourself to think in those terms...Think of all the women that would kill for that boy even if you halved their sleep, quartered their pay and doubled their baby fat! enjoy him!

    Try and get enough sleep-very important to mood (sod the housework, sod anything not a biological priority! and sod your boyfriend if he challenges you.

    One last thing:TAKE MULTIVITS!!!!!!!

    Hope this has been helpful.

    M

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  • Posted

    Hi I liked martin81 reply it had many sensible suggestion s. I too have had ongong major depressive disorder for over 12 yrs. I have been on citalopram for most of that time and it no longer has any affect in controlling my symptoms. Recently I changed to mittazipine which has caused me the full range of side affects of which the weight gain has bothered me most but in reality feeling spaced out and hardly able to create a sentence in my head never mind vocalizing it has been disorientatiing. I have found cbt both one to one and online not to have had any lasting benefit unfortunately, however I recently came across ACT therapy and find this mindfulness form of cbt to have a positive effect on my mood. Early days but I hope to continue with it.

    Isolation along with broken or disfunctional family relationships have made my daily challenge with depression and anxiety all the more difficult but somewhere inside I still cling to the hope of finding the way to a happier and accepting life. Thse forms are something new to me but I think a positive lifeline.

    I know how hard having your son's needs to meet must be while ill, because yes thats what we are ILL, are there any organisation who could give you some time in the week to be alone or join a group where you could go for support? I remember hearing of an organisation which supports families by taking the kids out for a few hours on a regular basis I will research and try find name and post on here incase this is something which may help you. You could try using essential oils at home they have proven beneficial affects for anxiety and depression look online for Gabriel Mojay's book which gives recommended oils and explanation of therapeutic benefits. We must look to the simple things to help us through bad moments where suicide seems the best option. It is not . But in those moments the idea of a bag with things to divert our thoughts is a great idea. I plan to do this over the weekend. Loneliness is sad and unbearable, but having a partner who adds to feelings of worthiness is just wrong for you so stay strong here and concentrate on your young son and yourself for now. Your older son and daughter and your relationship with them can be looked at in the future once your mood and ability to cope with your little boy is given all the help and practical assistance you need now. Think always baby steps. When I look at all the relationship s I need or want to change for the better in my life I find it overwhelming. I too need to just appreciate I am unable to work on all at same time. Try put aside your need to change or improve contact with your older children. As said they are safe and being looked after. Just let them now you love them. My eldest daughter has been estranged from me and in another country for over 12yrs. This is something I have no influence or control over and now after many years of oain and torment I realise acceptance is the key to my recovery. I hope reading replies and advice here may give me tne support I dont have and I send my heartfelt wishes to you. We have been strong now we need support and acceptance.

    http://home-start.org/

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  • Posted

    Sweet Lord! I lost a looooooong reply to this thread, then decided to write a summary of said long thread ~AND I JUST LOST THE SUMMARY! so I'm not going to lose it I'm going to give a summary of the summary:

    (1) nosunshine thank you for your kind comments

    (2) nosunshine it worries me that your name is so negative. Language is a subtle but very underestimated power-you are labelling yourself as intrinsically nosunshine...it is YOUR NAME, YOUR lable. I think it would be a step in the right direction to find a more positive signifier for yourself.

    (3) If you have been by-passed as the frontline carer for your kids (or anyone else) you have a lot of love to give that was never given the chance to be given (if you see what I mean) I think this 'caged-love' gets 'stagnant' and this is what depression is (I explained this waaaay more eloquently in my last two attempts to respond.) So you must give love by the truckload...find someone to care for (volunteer at a homeless shelter, walk dogs for an animal rescue shelter etc) Walking dogs and volunteering are also ways of meeting NICE people. My dogs have been the salvation of me..I love them sooooooo much.

    Hope this helps

    M

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  • Posted

    Martin you are just a tad patronising!!!

    I will consider changing my so called label on this forum if you find it so negative that you need to make such comments on someone's discussion.

    You have also very much wrongly interpreted my circumstances regarding my daughter and I find that quite

    labelling and not very helpful.

    Also your narrow interpretation of what depression is is also unhelpful.

    I wish you well Martin.

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  • Posted

    Hi Sara_J,

    It was for your benefit that I suggested a name change, and I see you have already given yourself a new name, I hope that will subtly help you see yourself in a more positive light and ditto for anyone else in the same position.

    I did explain that the longer,better explained version that I had more carefully crafted was lost (as was it's shorter version) so I suppose I just wanted to get off the keyboard before I got too annoyed with the loss. I had a late night, and have a cold at the moment, so I didn't want to give another lengthy response ,but you know-I should just take my own advice-if I don't respect the subtle power of words and give them the time they deserve, then maybe I shouldn't post until I have the time.

    As for your daughter, I didn't respond to you using your private message button, so my responses (even the one regarding the negative name choice) were meant for the public forum-to be read by everybody, as a general theory...again the longer version stated that, so I didn't cover that properly in the shorter post. I apologise if my comments upset you. Again perhaps the shortness of my response made it seem flippant or curt...obviously I know nothing of your circumstance, except what you said in your post-it must be hard to be geographically estranged for so long.

    As for my view of depression: I have had it, I have had partners with it, I have had friends with it, I have had friends try to commit suicide from it, and I lost one friend to it, I know it in many of it's forms. Perhaps this knowledge will lend some credence to my post for you, but I should have waited until I had the time to post, then I could have explained my broader view.

    I am happy now, after many years of depression. I don't have money, a car, a job, a house, a child, or a partner...yet I have found a way to be REALLY happy, I would like to help others to do the same. This thread was the first time I have posted on a forum, so maybe I should have just dealt with the original post that moved me and not segwayed into commenting on your name. I could have let it slide, but I thought I could help you a little-so I did what I could.

    As for being patronising, I did mean to be a patron, a sponsor, a support. any inference of superiority was given by you, which stems from you and your self-esteem issues, which I should have been more cautious of.

    Now I'm too hungry for words-literally, and the dogs will want their lunch too.

    Hope this helps

    M.

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  • Posted

    Hi All

    Ouch, ouch ouch!

    I appreciate that emotions are high, but I think you are forgetting the purpose of this thread; to support Dani, not to argue amongst yourselves.

    Dani, how are you feeling? Any better?

    What aboit everyone else? Personally I am feeling pretty rubbish!

    Big hugs to you all xxx

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