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I have so much on my mind that I must apologise because this may get quite lengthy! I have been struggling with anxiety for about 5 years now and I feel like it is getting worse not better. I remember the moment it first started, I was on a girls holiday in Spain and we'd partied quite hard all week and then one evening I had to force myself out when I really didn't want to because I was still feeling poorly from the previous night. When we got home a week later I was invited out on the weekend and suddenly this overwhelming panic came over me, I forced myself out and I did have a good time but the fear was quite disturbing. The anxiety has gotten so bad now that I have lost all my friends because I was always on edge if we went out so ruined their night or ended up making myself sick with anxiety that I couldn't go and have to cancel. I don't see the point in trying to make new friends now because friends mean having to put myself in situations I don't feel comfortable in. I also fear that by having friends I open myself up to getting hurt and having suffered at the hands of bullies as a teenager this is also a big thing for me.
I am able I to work a full time job, drive a car and fly to Greece by myself for a holiday. So in many ways I am doing ok but I fear that in my current situation I will never be able to sustain a relationship and have children of my own which to be honest really upsets me. 6 years ago I was at University, in a long term relationship and had lots of friends and I just don't understand where I can get myself back. My parents won't be here forever to spend time with me and it is important that I start building my life back up again.
I tried hypnosis which worked in getting my confidence levels up but not in removing the anxiety. I went to my GP and he gave me beta blockers to slow my heart down but nothing is working. I took up running, I eat healthily, cut down caffeine. Please tell me what I can do to feel better!
I have a works do arranged on Friday, I am petrified. I can barely eat or sleep out of fear and I still have a few days to go before it. What can I do?
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