How to handle suicidal feelings?

1. I can't remember where but I had a story on here about losing my keys and I went off to the the station to dispose of myself. I then started thinking logically and like an orange, peeling off the keys that didn't matter compared to the ability to get where I wanted. I ended up with only 2 out of 8 keys being important, and I had money to get myself home.

2. The too much coping thing happens a lot. I'm doing program design while setting up flat that i've just moved into while administering an 18,000 book library with two people, while while while..

I'm not good with writing stuff down or explaining or giving direction and this makes me lose control. Does this sound similar?

3. Lessons learnt. Number instructions. it helps others refer to something you said instead which you can lookup instead of it sounding like a "my memory is better that yours attack" also helps keeps them short which i'm bad at.

4. Group / number stuff to do and post it on ONE piece of paper to tick off.

5. NEVER make everything as important as the most important thing on the list. For some reason that is a natural thing to do.

6. Don't connect something bad like the lost keys to karma / God / life punishment. Else you are going to chain yourself up to - ah well I can't fight this as its just someone elses will. Nope - Sh*te happens like a bump in the road and then you continue over it. Life was meant to be a work.

HTH

Hey simon.....don't give up because life tries to bring you down...one thing which I can suggest is you need professional help talk to someone about the things bothering you atleast in that way,you do not need to keep it to urself..and that can make you feel better...another thing is that you should think about everyone who has ever loved you and cared about you....just think about how happy you you have seen their faces and how their faces will change when you decide to take your life..you will never want to hurt anyone you ever cared about right...if you think there is no one in the world who cares....you are definitely wrong....and another thing is everyone who has ever lived in this world has a special purpose in this world....find that purpose and fufill it....you are special,strong and talented in your own way....don let these thought overcome you....take control!!! I can't say it's not going to be east....but what I can say that it is gong to be worth it....and another thing is God loves you.... Jesus loves you....and he wants to help you....heal you and take care of you....so let him do it....trust him and let him be your guide....take care!!!!

From what I have read when someone is wanting to commit suicide they are wanting pain to go away they really don't want to be dead and leave loved ones behind.  They say that if you go forward with it and end your life you end your pain but you leave many with pain for the rest of their lives when someone does that.  I am not an expert either and have thought about suicide more then once and even asked permission to do some from my loved ones.  Why wouldn't they want someone in this much pain to be at peace.  They want you to somehow be at peace here with them.  We must seek out peace here and not leave them for a lifetime of pain.  That is what has stopped me from doing it.  Although I haven't found peace I keep seeking.  I will be in physical pain for life as I have some things wrong that are only going to get worse I can take them but the mental pain is another story.

Hi Simon.....I have qlways found over the years when I've felt that way,the best thing is to share your feelings with someone you totally trust,a good therapist or if nothing else,that's what the Samaritans are there for.It's important to talk it through in order to let go.Please take care x x

Hi I understand how you are feeling as sometimes I get the same way.  There have been times when I would have gone ahead with it if I had had the means.

A doctor once asked me if I had a plan.  I said I don't make plans in advance and it is usually one thing which happens or is said and it pushes me past the point of wanting to live and I can make a plan for an hour or so's time.   

What stops me?   Firstly having the means (ie drugs)  I know realistically I am not going to jump off a high building or a cliff or try to drown myself etc.

Secondly I don't keep sharp knives in my home deliberately as this is too much temptation.

Lastly and most importantly I 'put it off'.  I decide every day that this isn't the day I am going to do it.  This allows me to relax that day and not to think about it.  This helps a lot.   I also know too that the feelings will pass as they have in the past and I will be ok until the next crisis.

One thing I will never do is call emergency services or go  to a hospital or doctor if I am in crisis - I have learnt from experience this only makes things worse and I still am not given any treatment.   

I hope this has helped a bit.  Take care x

My very first melt down symptoms were pretty intense, i didn't quite know what was happening &i felt so selfish that i thought about ending my life. I couldn't handle the hopelessness and tge restlessness was just as bad. But there is always a light hun. Once you start feeling down and to the point were you cant handle things, i suggest going to a hospital. They are willing to help you and console you. Or take a walk, do something to take your mind off things. Please just think of everyone that supports and loves you dearly. My heart goes out to you. 

Hi Simon.  Something Susan said struck a chord.  Most people contemplating suicide really don't want to die, they just want the world to stop attacking them and to get some peace and quiet.  Life, lets be honest, isnt a bed of roses for most people and I envy those with good mental health that seem to cope with the sh*t and just move on. I'm not one of those.  Every little setback knocks my legs out from under me and I know that some things are very minor but to me it seems like a campaign against me never to have 'good luck' just bad.  I'm starting to approach it that while I know the stresses and pressures of everyday life are going to unsettle me, mostly it only lasts a short while before life just gets in the way and distracts me, so I'm trying to look at it like giving up smoking - if I can get through one day without giving up, the next day is usually better even if something else does it again.  One day at a time.  You probably know in your heart that you don't want to leave this life, there's nothing better to go to is there? you just want the crap to stop.  Read the blogs on here, research on the internet and find something that suits you to give you mental armour against the bad stuff and find ways that suit you personally to increase the good stuff.  If all else fails, remember that no matter how much you feel you're a waste of space, there are friends and loved ones that do NOT feel that about you and their lives will be hurt so badly if you ended it all.  big hug xxxx

Thanks everyone for your comments. As for me, I do agree with the advice - I need to speak to someone. I've no one close to me, so it'll have to be professional help. But I just find it so darn hard to talk to people 'in authority'.

I opened another thread that is in a similar vein to this.

I had my first ever suicidal thoughts in the midst of an HIV scare in July 2013.  The thoughts took me to the A&E department of the local hospital, and I have been there several times since.

The scare shattered my self-confidence and heralded other negative life-events that reinforced my insecurity and a created a belief that I have a very poor coping mechanism.

At no point have I wanted to die.  I have just wanted to rid myself of these thoughts and the panic / despair that goes with them, and to get better.

Even today, while I don't feel particularly depressed, I have had these suicidal thoughts ebbing and flowing.  I had them continually while I had a brisk 90 minute walk in what should have felt like the idyllic surroundings of the local countryside.  The anxiety that accompanies the thoughts flows through my body.

I can relate to your feeling that, at times, you don't feel in control of your own mind and it's as if you are on auto-pilot.  That is what scares me, too.  How can one relax?

I just hate the feeling that my first ever suicidal thought seems to have stuck and is constantly being repeated in my head.  It just seems that, once there, it's impossible to get rid of it / them.