How to live when you don´t want to live
Posted , 5 users are following.
I don´t see a reason why to live. It´s been so for some time now, I don´t know how Long. But it doesn´t matter. I feel like everytime I wanna live or just not think About it, it´s because i´m distracted. But it Always seems to come back. The Question I have no answer to. Well i do have an answer. But in a way i don´t really have one. Like, my Point would be to help People, to do all i can to improve their, but not only theirs, also mine experience. But.... somehow something along the way gets blocked and it even stopps mattering. Like everything (life) feels so super overwhelming to me, that i stop caring About even Fighting for better experiences, life becomes a sick joke to me, i still want to help People but it´s Nothing that would stop me from leaving this world...I feel worthless mostly and uncapable. Been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder and also Borderline. I feel so helpless. Also quite hopeless. Because it Always repeats itself. I never have Friends, People Always go or our Connection is never as Deep enough as i´d like it to be. If it is, then something else will happen to separate us. Living is hard as hell. I cannot do this. Every Little Thing hits me and causes me pain. I cannot do this, I cannot do that, there is no one to support me. My only hope so far has been that People Change and they do but.... ahh… I am starting therapy again next week, so far therapy hasn´t really helped me much. Soon I will probably also go to a clinic again (was already once recently) to Maybe try out some pills like Ritalin. So i really hope that happens and it helps me a lot. Because I just can´t do this. In the meantime i´m going to high School, but it´s so hard and i feel so useless most of the time..As i said i just don´t know why i´m doing this. I feel so alone and lonely and have no stable sense of identity, i´m a mess and who would really wan´t to be Friends with a Person who can´t remember the Basic plot of a movie he´s watched just two days ago. It´s just a torture. As a whole I just think of ending it all, but i still think giving another shot to therapy and medication might be worth it. But it´s like i´m behind a big wall and don´t know what could be behind it, some People say it´s great, other not so, and i just really have no idea. I just have no idea. Thank you for reading this.
1 like, 4 replies
stuartjk hikiaru
Posted
your are young with your full life ahead of you.
life is hard and yes we all hit walls, but life can be great. you have to learn to take the hard times on the chin and too look forward to the next good day.
the big mistake we will make when we r depressed we look at the past. not only look but we let this consume all out thoughts.
school years can be hard and at your age you can feel overwhelmed at the smallest thing.
you have to learn to be a go getter. only you can help you.
read self help books, get up and exercise, interact with people.
you need to find yourself learn how you work. forget about others and what they do. do for you and not do for them
if you can find something you love commit to it and and get a goal and work towards it.
set small goals working towards something for you. hitting goals feels amazing get a journal set out a plan. and record your goals and accomplishment.
tackle life head on chin up chest out.
simple things can really work. mediate (takes a little time but 5 or 10 mins a day learning to just live with yourself learning how your head works is a great way to self help. check out the headspace app really good
talk to your parents, this may be hard but they can help. i am a dad my son has adhd and other issues. it would break my heart if I thought he felt the way your did and I didn't know.
parents love you more than you can ever imagine. they can be your rock to cling on to. to get you up and over the hard times.
if you don't have good friends that appreciate you at the minute don't worry just means you having met the right people for you that wil accept you and love u as you r. they are out there but you have to get out and find them.
please please speak to your parents they really really love you more than you will know . you r there world and can help you so much even if just to talk things through.
talking about what is on r heads really helps. it gets it out and makes sucjmh a difference just saying things out loud to someone else.
t21stapril hikiaru
Posted
Hey,
I have contributing to this forum just for the last couple of weeks or so, and I've read some of your posts / comments to discussions by others. Despite your young age, your responses were helpful and strinkingly thoughtful. You really are good at helping others and, if you feel that is your vocation, you should be beginning to see that you may actually have an aim for your life (and one that will benefit the people around you too).
I doubt that people would not want to be friends with you, if you can give so much. I don't think it matters much that you can't remember movie plots, at that point
You do have an answer to your question. You must live because you must be helpful to other people. Also, you can, which is great and not at all obvious.
Also, you mentioned going to clinics, getting therapy, medication. That is great. It also invalidates your claim that there is no-one to support you. I don't know your situation at home, but I am sure someone is in fact taking care of you, whether it's family or therapist. If some therapy does not work, that does not imply that the therapist is not trying to support you. If your parents or relative cannot understand how you feel, that's because they can't, not because they wouldn't want to. And surely not because they do not want to support you.
I understand what it's like to feel lonely. But feeling lonely is different than being alone. Again, I know nothing about your life, but here you are and here you see a community that cares about you and appreciates your contribution. I hope you agree.
Take care and let us know how therapy works when you start it!
hikiaru t21stapril
Posted
Thank you for your response.
By having no one to support me I really meant people who i would feel close and like are actually my friends...But you´re right, it is a bit of an overexaggeration to say that, there are others who may have even less support than me, for example, my mother supports me a lot, even though we´ve never been on very good terms with her..But as another person mentioned above, I have to go and search for those people..And i know, I know that, but what i found and still find hard is to push though...But sure, therapy and such, I should try to go with it, also read more about it.
I might let you know about the therapy and how it goes, could write another post. Thank you once again. This site has truly been of help to me, if not, just to know that there are groups of similar people.
Heartbleed hikiaru
Posted
Hi hikiaru
If it's any comfort, you are not alone.
I couldn't care less if I die.
I'm 66 and obviously not got long anyway, and as the saying goes three score and ten, so I'm not bothered.
But YOU have a long life ahead of you, like you said go and see your therapist and tell him or her EVERYTHING you have written in your post, perhaps you can print it out..
Best wishes Heartbleed