How to loosen a tight vagina on a virgin in order to have vaginal sex?

Edited , 4 users are following.

Hi, sorry to bother you, I am a 33-year-old female virgin and my vagina is tight. With luck I can only stick 1 finger into my vagina at a time (2 fingers don't fit into my vagina at the same time). I ordered a set of vaginal dilators and bought some lube (a gynecologist also recommended me to buy lube with anesthetic but I haven't bought it yet). What else can I do to help with loosening my vagina in order to have vaginal sex with my male partner? I'm not sure if I have vaginismus (some gynecologists and sexologists tell me I have it, some tell me I don't). I've been to a bunch of gynecologists and sexologists but haven't had much luck figuring out how to loosen my vagina in order to have sex with my partner. They just say I have to try and loosen my vagina slowly by using vaginal dilators. I have to say when I try to have sex with my partner usually I'm not aroused but I think a woman doesn't need to be aroused in order to have vaginal sex provided her vagina is loose enough and she uses plenty of lube. Am I right? I can try to get myself more aroused before sex by watching porn, which helps me to get aroused a bit but not very much . Do you think this would be helpful or is it enough to use some lube? I also have to say I experience NO pleasurable feelings AT ALL from touching/massaging/stroking my vagina or any surrounding areas of the body or from sticking a finger in my vagina. All I experience during or after such actions is mild discomfort and sometimes mild pain (which can also be stronger pain if I push my finger into my vagina harder or in a wrong direction). So I have no idea how to masturbate by touching myself. On the other hand, I have been masturbating since I was three years old by contracting some muscles in my thighs and lower abdomen, which does not involve touching myself at all. Please give me some advice on how I can have sex with my male partner given all these sexual difficulties I experience!!!

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  • Posted

    I would recommend that you take an evening for yourself, turn off phone and other distractions, light some candles, relax with a bath or a good movie (not porn). when relaxed and comfy try explore your body and mind, what do you like? what arouses you? focus on that and don't have the pressure to just finger. take your time and focus on the things you feel makes you aroused, slowly build it up and once there you might feel it natural to seek a finger inside. hope this helps

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    • Edited

      Thanks a lot for your quick reply, Mariah! Actually alcohol makes me feel unwell and I don't like it, so I don't drink any alcohol including wine. I like good movies very much but they don't arouse me at all. As I explained in my post, the only way I know how to masturbate is by contracting some muscles rather than touching myself, so this doesn't seem helpful as well (my type of masturbation by muscle contractions doesn't arouse me or loosen my vagina and doesn't help me to stick fingers inside my vagina at all; when I masturbate my way, I don't think of anything romantic or sexual at all, in fact I usually masturbate simply out of boredom, anxiety, or angst). I also don't have or know of any thoughts which would make me sexually aroused. The only thing which helps a little with making me sexually aroused is watching porn of certain types. So I have no clue what on earth would make me sexually aroused and I'm just hoping to loosen my vagina in a mechanical way (by using vaginal dilators and lube) so I can have sex with my male partner mechanically. My partner is very nice and I respect and like him very much as a person, but I usually do not get sexually aroused at all when I try to have sex with him. Can you give me any other advice??? I am at my wits' end!!!

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    • Posted

      i was thinking the move was just a relaxing moment to let any other thoughts be put aside and alcohol is not needed to relax. I see your issue, I will do some thinking myself and get back to you

      Mariah

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    • Posted

      Thanks!!! So you're saying what I need the most is to relax before attempted sex??? I guess a good movie or a bath could potentially help me to relax a bit. What do you think about music or meditation, do you think they would help me to relax in order to be able to stick bigger things into my vagina??? I'm just brainstorming, please tell me if you have more ideas!!! Thanks a lot!!!

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  • Posted

    First time will always be uncomfortable and you will most likely not be aroused at all. Using lube will help but you just have to go through with it a couple times until it becomes comfortable.

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    • Posted

      Thanks a lot!! First time doing what??? A penis or a dildo definitely doesn't fit in my vagina as it is now, so there is no question of trying real vaginal sex in the condition I am in now. I try to stick a finger in my vagina from time to time, and it works sometimes but it's not a very comfortable experience and definitely isn't pleasurable at all. I'm not sure what else to do (I am planning to use vaginal dilators, they vary in size from small ones to big ones so I'm planning to start with small ones first). Any thoughts/advice??? Thanks a lot again!!!

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  • Edited

    Ok, I'm a guy so read my thoughts with that in mind. Doesn't a woman's vaginal opening loosen up a bit when aroused? I've noticed during foreplay a woman can be kind of tight but once things get going she'll loosen up a bit. Maybe you're asexual, and you just don't care about sex so arousal is difficult

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    • Posted

      I suppose she doesn't need to be aroused but what's the sense of having sex if you're not enjoying it? Also, arousal brings natural lubrication and I'm sure there are other physiological benefits to being aroused. I'm not a vagina expert 😃

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