Posted , 6 users are following.
Hello, I am in a desperate situation where my husband has severe depression and has become mostly withdrawn not wanting to do anything, not showing any affection and very low in mood. I honestly don't recognise him from a few months ago. We have been having relationship difficulties for the last probably 6-9 months and only been married for the last 4 months but have been together nearly 8 years. Things have been really bad and getting worse since the wedding. I think I have added to my husband's depression as he bottles things up and only recently admitted he might be depressed. Since we have been having relationship difficulties I am not really in a good place mentally myself. He has always been there to support and encourage me. I have become very insecure and as much as I try to be positive it only lasts a couple of days before i start doubting everything and i become really upset and we end up having an argument. We both need support at the moment - he needs the space and not having to worry about me and I am oh so desperate for his affection which he is not capable of giving at the moment. As a result instead of being there for each other we make each other worse. He had been away for long weekends nearly every week this month as an escape and trying to 'reboot' but i struggle when he is away. The main problem at the moment is every time we talk or have an argument i understand his point of view but after a day or so my own insecurities kick in and start turning his struggles into 'excuses' and in my head i become the victim and start blaming him again for not being the parnter he used to be. I feel like a failure for not being able to support him when he needs me the most but my insecurities and overthinking get in the way. He had been telling me his problems for weeks but because of my insecurities and our relationship struggles I was too selfish to actually listen and get it in my head how badly he is struggling. Now his condition is so severe i cant help but think its all my fault. Also he says he would never hurt himself but I am worried that he may becuase he is so withdrawn and low in mood. He refused to see a doctor as doesn't want to take antidepressants and he has had counselling before for anxiety but that didn't help as he is a type that will bottle things up and hated the idea of talking about his problems. He is currently seeking help by talking to various friends and from forums. I have also just started counselling myself and will focus on getting on top of my insecurities etc.
Please help me to support my husband. I tried various things like being positive (but its so hard when he is so low), offering tea and snacks and little acts of kindness. I try to hug him, rub his foot etc just to bring back the intimacy but he normally doesn't really like being touched and now tends to become irritated with it .
I just don't know how else to support him and be there for him and I feel like he doesn't fully trust me with his issues due to my previous accusations and they way I reacted to things he had told me (and i dont really blame him). Also, how could i quiet down my own insecurities in order to support my husband? Any suggestions are welcome! I just feel like at the moment i am actually making his depression worse by constant emotional outbursts and also I feel like he is withdrawing further because of that. The only positive is we both still really love each other and really want to make this work. We have talked about this multiple times. Thank you in advance!
2 likes, 9 replies