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How to survive Christmas

Posted , 2 users are following.

ssk1
ssk1

Hi just wondering how people deal with Christmas as I'm very worried about it.

I am normally the first to get in the Christmas spirit - I grew up with very traditional Christmas' in Germany and always like to be surronded by friends and family. This year I just can't get into the spirit and can't really be bothered decorating or going to Christmas events. We are going away for the actual holidays to be near to my husband's family as his mum is very ill and they are dealing with the possibility that it could be the last chance to be together at Christmas. When it was originally discussed with my husband and his brother the plan was to all have a meal togther on Christmas day. This week I've been told it will just be my husband, his mum, stepdad and me at a restaurant. The problem his mum has Alzheimer's and doesn't know who I am - she was already suffering from it when I met my husband. Also my husband doesn't get on with his stepdad. I don't want to sound selfish but I don't know how I will cope. I was already worried about it before when I thought we would all be together but now I'm paniking about it already. I try to think to myself that it is only a few hours and that I need to support my husband.

I also worry about how we will afford it as I am signed off work at the moment due to my depression and as I'm self employed I don't receive the full amount I normally earn. I also am having surgery in January so know I won't be going back to full time work probably until March. 

Any advice?

1 like, 3 replies

3 Replies

  • jessie51
    jessie51 ssk1

    Posted

    Hello ssk1,

    Christmas always seems hard when spirits are low and there is illness around,  it will happen though and that is all there is about it.    I would put forward the point that your husbands not well mother would not enjoy christmas in a strange and public place, that it would be much better to have a warm homely meal at home,  how do you feel about making the meal in your home,  a quiet affair that would be easy on his mum and where she could if she felt the need go and have a little lay down or nap.    It would be work for you but would be less expensive and less stressful for you,   you could make it as festive or as toned down as you wanted, it would be easier on the whole - certainly more relaxed.   You would cope as you would be in your own home and be kept to busy to worry  -  you would be having most of the say in the organisation and could keep it as low key as you wanted on the grounds that you do not want to stress or tire 'mum'  to much.

    I do hope you can work it all out,   can find a relaxed way to celebrate for all concerned.   

    Warmest regards

    Jessie x

    • ssk1
      ssk1 jessie51

      Posted

      Thanks for you reply. Unfortunatley we can't have Christmas at ours as we live 3 hours away from his mum and also in a 2nd floor flat with no lift so mother in law wouldn't be able to get up the stairs. 

      Tried to talk to my husband earlier about it but didn't get much opportunity to talk as he was on his lunch break and we got interrupted by others coming into the cafe. We are having a quiet evening at home tonight so hopefully we can sort something out.

  • jessie51
    jessie51 ssk1

    Posted

    Hello ssk,

    sorry you are unable to make Christmas at your home due to access, I am sure you would have made it a special time.   It just seems very unfair on your husbands mum to take her out for the meal as it is such a special time for families,  maybe she is a lady that enjoys meals out and would if in good health enjoy it,  but being not well I wonder that it may all be too much for her.

    Other family members if there are any,  brother, sister,  how would they feel about hosting the meal?  You are 3 hrs away but could you go and stay with your mum in law, does she still have her own home with a spare room?  I realise it is hard being away from home at this time,  heck I would not leave my home for xmas dinner to go anywhere and know others feel the same,  when a person is ill and as you say it may be their last then things must be done to help make it a good relaxing and enjoyable time - most of all relaxed,  peace and quiet become so important when you are not so good and quiet company is so much appreciated.

    I do hope you can talk all this through calmy with your husband and other members of the family, even the step dad.  You could try and be the voice of reason and hopefully you will all enjoy a good Christmas day in good company and comfort.

    Warmest regards

    Jessie x

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