How to talk to my boyfriend about my HS

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Hi! I am 18 years old and have suffered from HS since I was anout 10 years old. I only have boils in the groin and buttox area. I never talked to anyone about it and just suffered in the quiet, always wondering what was wrong with me and being too embarresed to talk about it. About six weeks ago I met this guy who is really amazing and since I really want to have sex with him I forced myself to seek help. I googled my symptoms and found hs which I am sure I have, but it's not completly confirmed by a doctor yet. Now to my question; How do I talk to my boyfriend about this? He has been wanting to have sex with me for a while and I've said I wasn't ready. He is a really amazing guy and I am sure he will understand and won't look at me differently, it's just so embarresing to bring up, but it would be more embarressing for him to find out himself by seeing it. When I think about what I'm gonna say I just feel like it's gonna sound so gross... Please help me!

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  • Posted

    Hi. I have had HS since about ur age and I'm 35 now. I actually have a 16 yr old daughter with the same problem, she is getting surgery today in her groin area. Anyways.......I know its embarrassing and hard to talk about. Honesty is the best policy. Explain to him what it actually is and give him time to process it. I'm sure you are an amazing girl and he will see you for what u are and not jus the Hs. Good luck sweetie. 💟
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  • Posted

    Hi I agree,  it is best to tell him beforehand.

    You need to get a proper HS diagosis so you need to ask your doctor for a referral to a dermatologist.   If any of your boils become infected you need to see the doctor for ab's.   If you do have HS you need to be vigilant coz untreated infections can cause damage to the lower levels of your skin.  This can lead to more problems and you can get sinus tracts forming under your skin and infection can travel down it to other areas.  

    Bev x

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  • Posted

    Hi! I had been dealing with HS un-diagnosed from age 17-25, so I can say I have been in your position exactly. I am now 27 and in a much better place than I was at 18. Having a loving boyfriend to support me has been key to any recovery, or strides I try to make to improve my quality of life. For me it is almost a deal breaker if a boyfriend expresses disgust, or a lack of understanding, over a codition I will live with my wholelife. So my advice is go into the discussion (which may or may not have already happened with him, but you may meet the situation again) with that mindset of high self acceptance and express the trust it takes to share something like this.

    Your right it does look/smell/feel gross, so a heads up is the best way to de-sensitize. With my boyfriend I sat him down and said I was going to show him some pictures of the very worst this condition could be to express to him my fear. I always emphasis that hygiene is not the reason we have this, however he sometimes feels better being intimate after a good shower for good measure and peace of mind, which I don't mind doing for him. It seems that the pictures of lesions worse than my own raises true concern he has for my well-being, and when he see's mine he is relived and more a part of healing in helping me track which may be getting worse or better. His involvement has meant everything to me and has helped our relationship to grow to a point where HS is an open topic of conversation, a big part of how I feel day to day, and a huge factor in our honesty and trust in eachother.

    So go for it! and I wish you all the best that the outcome is what you are desiring!

    much love

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  • Posted

    I use to stay broke out from 13 years old to 26 years old and also embarressed and worried they would think I had herpes or something, I didn't know what it was til after it stopped breaking out and left me with horrible scars. My oldest son suffers from it, hate I passed it on. But guys don't care, especially if they love you. I would always have sex in the dark until I was comfortable, but I was up front with them about what they might feel even if they can't see it. So if he really likes you don't worry, if it's an issues for him then he's not the one and he is very shallow. Good luck.

    Ps. I'm 37 now, had gastric bypass at 26 and when I lost the weight I stopped breaking out.

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