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Long post ahead, I just need to express myself.
Hi all. I'm a 31 year old female who was diagnosed with genital HSV1 approximately 6 months ago. To say I've been depressed is an understatement. To give some background information, I was in an abusive relationship for two years that ended 6 years ago after I was able to build support and take action to kick him out of my home. This man was physically and emotionally abusive and there was an abundance of cheating on his side. To shorten a long story, after we broke up, a girl he cheated on me with reached out to me after she discovered he had been in a relationship with me and informed me that several weeks after her encounter with him, she was diagnosed with herpes and I should get myself tested. A year later, another woman reached out to me to tell me the same. I did do that, both times, and both times blood test was negative, but my doctor cautioned me that I could still potentially have it and the best "test" is swabbing an active lesion.
Fast forward to now, I've only had one sexual partner since him (current partner) and my boyfriend and I have been shocked that this has happened. My doctor explained to both of us that it isn't unusual for people to go years without an outbreak and that my recent immune issues more than likely triggered my initial outbreak. My initial outbreak was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life and I missed over a week of work.
I've had some recurrent OBs since, and it's been difficult to understand triggers, prodromes, etc. I do have an appointment at up for June 5 to speak with my new doctor.
I'm devastated. My depression and anxiety is at an all time high. Though he doesn't act poorly, I know my boyfriend is very concerned and he doesn't know how to help me or himself alleviate the anxiety. Luckily, everything looks good so far for my partner. I've started having panic attacks and night terrors again, something that took me 2 years in therapy to work through after leaving my ex.
When do I start feeling like a person again? I feel like this has had such an impact on my mental/physical health and I just need a little light at the end of the tunnel. It's just difficult having no one to talk to who truly understands what this is like and how it can effect you. I know HSV is very common, but it's so difficult to talk about. Let alone, revisiting the shame associated with my abusive relationship.
How do I continue to educate myself and practice self care as I'm learning how to cope with this?
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