HSV2... Disclosing - advice please!
Posted , 3 users are following.
Hi guys,
As the title says I'm looking for some stories and advice about telling people about my HSV2. I've gone on two amazing dates with a guy... We spent like 10 hours on our first date just non stop chat and a second date today... Everything went super well and I'm literally just off the phone from a chat to him.
I feel sick to my stomach about telling him but I know I have to tell him soon. I wouldn't even intend on sleeping with him soon to be honest but I know he likes me as I like him and I feel he deserves to know the full story of what comes along with a relationship with me now. I fully expect him to run for the hills and I'm so full of fear of the rejection and anger towards the guy who took all my choice away in this. I'm so upset that while this should be an exciting time for me this is hanging over me. I basically don't want to get too attached or used to him being around when there's every chance he'll bail when he's told so I think along with feeling he deserves to know I also want to do it for myself, to limit the sh*ttiness if it goes belly up once he knows.
So the purpose of this post... Can anyone please help me to figure out what to say and how to bring it up and also any stories of how you told people and their reactions, good and bad.
Thanks 
0 likes, 7 replies
brittany65756 louise123456
Posted
To behonest you just have to be straight up with the person if they can't accept you for you then they not really worth your time I mean you don't have to rush and tell that person either because at the same time it's your business and you don't know if it's gonna get that far either you shouldn't waste ur time telling people that's not even trying to get to know you really
FelizCastus louise123456
Posted
Can you stay as interested friends first? Let him get to know you in a platonic manner for much longer, and if there's still a spark, then disclose.
louise123456 FelizCastus
Posted
Do you think 3 or 4 dates in is too soon? I wouldnt intend on sleeping with him for a good while anyway to be honest but I do feel that it's something someone deserves to know sooner than like 6 / 8 weeks in.
We've spoken about so so much already, you know family stuff, relationship stuff... Then there's this that I'm holding back and in reality it's a huge part of being in a relationship with me. I think it'd be unfair to keep seeing him and not be upfront about it. I have read on forums of people being really angry and feeling they were strung along without knowing the full story. There's also the element of minimising the sting for me if he chooses it's not for him, the less invested I am then the easier for me.
At the same time, how soon is too soon to tell and how long is too long to wait?!
FelizCastus louise123456
Posted
Always a a tough one, with no good answer! That's why I was thinking if you guys could be more like flirty pals and hang out as friends, rather than going out on actual dates, then he'd get the chance to really know you first. If the feelings go any further, then you can disclose at the time, or fall back on the friendship if he's not comfortable with it. Just think it's easier to accept when the person is already a friend than when they're a newish date, unless he has it, too. I have no experience in dating with herpes, however (still in self-imposed exile, lol), so just my thoughts!
louise123456 FelizCastus
Posted
Realistically there is no chance of going down the line of friends first, a mutual friend of ours set us up and we both know we aren't in it for friends if you know what I mean. I had always thought I'd wait till about 6 dates in before telling them but just the amount of time we've spent together and how much we share about ourselves etc makes me feel like I'm not being fully honest with him.
I was in tears last night over it... This is such a hard situation to be in. He's a lovely lovely guy and I know he won't be mean or anything towards me when I tell him but I just can't see that he'd take the risk. I realise you never fully know how someone is gonna react though...I just can't envisage it going well. At one point he said "I've no skeletons in my closet or anything" so there's no hope of him having it unfortunately for me!
FelizCastus louise123456
Posted
I guess it's hard to do the friend thing in this instance, but keep it in mind for future reference and situations! Let us know what you end up deciding and how it goes, plus all the best and fingers crossed!
louise123456 FelizCastus
Posted
Been thinking about it all day and think I'll go on one more date without saying anything then tell him on the following date if things are still progressing how they have been. My gut feeling is that he won't know enough about it or have any experience of it and so won't be very open to trying to work through it
I've read about it till the cows come home so can provide lots of info but to be honest I think the second most people hear it's incurable and that there'll always be that risk there no matter what you do then a lot of them would understandably shy away from that.