Husband being really insensitive about operation!

Posted , 6 users are following.

Hello ladies I'm new to the group and have an op next week for prolapse and possible hysterectomy- I'm 45 but had 2 fair sized babies hence the prolapse. Just wondered if anyone else's husbands/partners were complete idiots before their op and expected them to be ok straight after and not listen when I said that I've been advised how long before I can drive & do simple things like hoovering etc. My consultant and pre op nurse said about 6 weeks no driving and at least 2 months before thinking about using a hoover to not put pressure on etc. Am I being too dramatic and I will be ok? Or should I listen ? I'm hoping because it young and fairly fit that I will bounce back quickly! However I'm putting things in place just in case such as rota for friends to collect kids for school and arranged a cleaner for a few weeks after?? Sorry for long post am really upset as just argued and obviously really nervous about the op! Thanks ladies x

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12 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi mazmoo

    I had an anterior repair and hysterectomy 18 mths ago and a posterior repair 10 weeks ago. 

    For the first op I didn’t drive and did no housework for 4 weeks. Took it really easy. In particular no lifting or bending. No carrying the washing basket. No dragging the hoover upstairs.  Later after a month I treated myself to one of those vtech Airram cordless vacs cos it’s realky light and just built up really slowly to my normal activity level.

    I was quite fit and active beforehand and  I was very fortunate to recover quickly and  I felt back to normal after 3 months.  I went on holiday at 12 weeks  and did all the things I’d been worried about getting back to - swimming,   exercise,  gym, sex.  I know not everyone is so lucky but my advice is to take your doctors advice in the early days and let yourself rest and recover.

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  • Posted

    Hi Mazmoo72. You are doing exactly the right thing in preparing yourself for the surgery. In my experience, some husbands/partners don't want to believe you will be out of action for 3-4 months, they bury their heads in the sand and go into denial, probably because they're too scared to admit they can't cope without you. My husband was a bit like that too but when I went in for the op things changed. In those days we were admitted 1-2 days prior to surgery for pre op checks. (1984). He turned up the first night with flowers and fruit! We all had a giggle after visiting hour, he was so keen to prove he could cope and was in fact a great help looking after the family who were still quite young and still at school. I was in for 8 days after so he had by that time run out of hols to take care of me and this annoyed him greatly. The older kids took it in turns to help out the next 2-3 months and all went well. You must not lift, bend or stay on your feet too long. No driving for at least 6 weeks or until you can stamp on the floor as though doing an emergency stop without causing pain or problems! Listen to what your Consultant and nurses tell you and read the leaflets you are given. Also read as much as you can on this website and forum. Go to the top of this page and click on 'Genitourinary Prolapse'. That will lead you to posts about after care. A good one to read is under Emis Moderator, from South Tees Health authority. Lots of info and advice to look at and show hubby!! twisted There are lots of people who don't understand what big surgery these op's are so don't be persuaded by your work place or anyone else that 6 weeks is long enough to stay off work! It's not!! It's 2-3 months so you will need to go and see your GP to extend the sick note given by the hospital when discharged. Listen to your body and keep reading the posts on here. Best wishes, Pollyanna UK  X rolleyes

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  • Posted

    Are you anterior or posterior prolapse, or both? It's going to be very difficult to change his dimenour. Has he gone with you to appointments to hear it directly from medical persons?  It's major surgery but difficult to get the support you will need as is nothing to show for it as all internal. Don't have the surgery unless he is fully understanding & acknowledging the necessary restrictions. You don't want to go through it to just end up with it failing due to not being able to follow restrictions. 

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    • Posted

      Hi

      It's both! I have debated cancelling the op but it needs doing! He has apologised for his behaviour and is willing to sit down and talk through everything properly and I'm going to show him some comments on here!!!

      One week to go! 😬

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    • Posted

      The recovery isn't easy but with care and help it soon flies over then you'll be back to your normal happy self, I know even now hubby does lots to help and I'm 7 weeks post op, but when I look back I'm glad it's done and over with.

      Good luck and keep in touch xx

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  • Posted

    Hi mazmoo, I'm 7 weeks post op for a prolapse and I'm very lucky with my hubby, he's done everything for the first 4 weeks, (cooking, laundry, hoovering, bed changing, ironing .. the lot) I had a hysterectomy about 25 years ago.

    Up to now I haven't hovered, ironed, or done laundry, I've not even driven my car, but I'm doing a lot more around the house now, like cooking, dusting, cleaning bathroom etc and I'm going for a daily walk.

    Listen to what the doctors and nurses say, and explain to hubby that its major surgery that you are having not just having a tooth out 😁

    I still ask advice on here, if in doubt ask, someone will always give you some help with questions.

    Get your Rota sorted for about 4 weeks and see how things go, you can always cancel people if you feel better.

    Good luck with your op and I hope hubby understands soon

    Lyn x

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    • Posted

      Thanks ladies. I have sorted back up for the first 3 weeks now with school runs and housework. Maybe I will be ok and you are right - then I can cancel if feeling better! It's funny how men deal with things so differently! 

      So grateful for these forums! X

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  • Posted

    4wks off work isn't enough. 

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  • Posted

    You need to check with your insurance company as most won't have any cover for you during the first 6wks post-op should you drive. It's the inability to be able to do an emergency stop (as in slamming on the brakes) as to why they won't cover you. 

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  • Posted

    Hi ladies

    Update - my husband went away (after a huge argument) and did his research and googled a lot!!! He has now a better understanding and has apologised and has rearranged a lot of things for the day I'm going into hospital (this Thursday) and for the next couple do weeks to help more!!! 

    So good to have this forum. Don't think I would still be sane..or married without it!!!!!

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  • Posted

    Hey, sorry to hear youre not feeling supported... i was a bit oblivious to what i would be able to do after the surgery, thinking it was a matter of phyiscal strength (which i figured id have) not realizing its totally about proper healing, required by laying down for weeks straight doing nothing (hence the high reoccurance rate cause whos got time for that).

    I am now trying to plan a different way for my daughter to get home from school as i dont plan to be driving the 4 blocks to my daughters school for at least 6 weeks. Had i realized it would require this much work, i probably would have put it off or planned to have my mother in law come stay with us... but i know i was certainly downplaying it to my husband beforehand and then the doctor let him know how serious thr whole thing was and 5 days out im already feeling guilty the house is in disarray. But its a short amount of time in the large scheme of things and when you think of how terrible it would be to have to do it again- just gotta do it right the first time.

    Bring your husband to a doctors appointment with you and have him get better informed. Or show him some youtube videos of prolapse surgery and see if he gets it after that.

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