Husband is high functioning alcoholic - any advice or words of comfort?
Posted , 11 users are following.
My husband, I’m pretty sure, is dependent on alcohol. He drinks 5-7 nights a week, always beer, usually about 10 units each night. He isn’t violent but can be annoying and irritating and I don’t like being around him when he drinks anymore, which is obviously detrimental to our relationship. His has been going on for the past ten years, getting steadily worse and worse. We have two young kids and I’m so upset about he effects on them and that they will learn this is how adults should drink. He is very aware of my feelings. We’ve had many nice sober discussions as well as heated arguments (not so much of those anymore as I know they are useless). Now he is at the point where he just refuses to engage in any talk about it whatsoever. He has, until very recently, admitted that he drinks too much and tried to stop, but he has always denied an addiction or dependence. Feeling at the end of my tether. I know there are many in worse situations with people being abusive to them etc but it hurts so much that it is destroying our relationship. Also ... practically breaking up would be a logistical nightmare ... also I do love him 😢 Thanks in advance, I know this has been a very long post!
2 likes, 19 replies
helen26906 Shevardnadze
Posted
I am in a virtually identical situation and have been for about 9 years now. I would say that it does affect children and for that I kick myself for not leaving earlier. I have always tried to shield my child from the irresponsible way his dad drinks over the years, however now he is older and is not stupid I brought it up with him as I could see that my son was out of sorts. I could see the relief as I shared with him that I understood how he must feel with his dad's continuous change of disposition. Have told him it is not his secret to keep and that he must always talk to me or someone independently through school or counsellor.
Boxing day I finally said enough was enough but I ended up feeling awful (as he is not a bad man) and I am still here. He is trying I can tell, but the drinking is still there. It is so hard to advise when I am in the same situation and have not really progressed.
Shevardnadze helen26906
Posted
Wish there was an easy answer for us. It makes me angry to think he is just blissfully p****d while I’m sitting fretting with a knot in my stomach, though I know he drinks to numb his own pain. Maybe if he talked to me about how he feels he wouldn’t feel the need for alcohol. But he has never done that unfortunately. I’m worried that come summer I will be in the same situation as you and not ask him to leave.
Do you have a plan for what you would do? i.e. you leave or him, where he would go, how it would work financially etc?
helen26906 Shevardnadze
Posted