Husband is loosing penial sensation in middle of intercourse.

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My husband is 51 years old, up until recently we have not had any problems with our sex life. My husband is able to get an erection, a very hard, but after bumping and grinding for awhile he says his penis goes numb so unable to ejaculate, unfortunately for several hours afterwards will have pain and pressure, intense case of "blue balls". He can ejaculate through masterbation with out any problems. He is upset, feeling he is not the man use to be, worried that he is not pleasing me in the sexual department, which could not be further from the truth and says its because getting old. I think it maybe because subconsciously he is worried about age being the cause, that the loss of sensation could happen again and a tremendous amount of unnecessary pressure of himself. I also think after the first time the loss of sensation in the middle of intercourse happened he hasn't been able to move past it. I have tried to address what i think maybe contributing factor subconsciously, he insists he is not thinking or worried about it but of course we are not aware of our. subconscious most of the time. My husband also will have plans for sexual encounter to be a certain way, very elaborate, gets idea and does not always go according to plans, will spend all day totally focused on encounter planned for example later that night. I have no complaints about our sex life, sex doesn't always needs to be a big event, i have no problem with a quickie from time to time, especially a spontaneous quickie. When we are making love and he looses sensation in the middle of intercourse, he says lets try again later, then the cycle of thinking about it continues. Sorry if I have confused anyone reading this, or cbteaduxted myself in anyway. Am I missing something, is there something I can do to help my husband get over this hump. I think it's all pressure he is putting on himself to be the same perfect lover, vetu rarely is sex spontaneous, like i mentioned it os almost always a big planned production. There is plenty of foreplay and lubrication during sex. Just hoping for some advice. I am sorry this is so long i am a babbler I guess, i am seeking advice because my husband think its age related, he hit 50 plus suddenly was old according to him. Thanks so much for any insight advice and reading my long post.

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  • Posted

    Hi daphne,

    One thing is true, when we get older it does effect our sex life very much so. Men start having problems with erections or maintaining them through intercourse, they lose sensation, have difficulty climaxing and their ejaculate gets less and less. Its easy to say your not overthinking things but it does happen. Once an erection fails for example it is in the mans head and the worry begins. Will it happen again? My husband and I had a rough road 5 years ago. Dealt with all kinds of issues from ED to desire to difficulty climaxing and a host of other things. I can say this, my husband is 65, his issues started in his early 50's. Have your husband get his testosterone level checked, its likely on the low side and will continue to get lower as he ages. My husband started with testosterone injections and is now has testosterone pellets implanted every 6 months. Believe me a total life changer for our marriage. He is a different man. More confident. He does take daily Cialis which has helped very much with erection issues but the testosterone helps that too along with more sensitivity and no problem achieving orgasm now. Planned sex never seems to be as good. Spontaneous when we are not expecting etc can be some of the best, try to get back to that, more relaxed not expecting anything setting. Your husband might be trying to over compensate for feeling like hes letting you down by planning your encounters. Once he gets his confidence back things will start flowing much nicer. Its like a man that has ED, he will worry himself into continued episodes of ED session after session. Its in their head and its not going anywhere. I really think your husband can see some real positive changes if he gets his testosterone checked and then getting those hormones replenished. BTW, I'm 58, been in menopause for 3 years and also on my own hormone replacement therapy that includes testosterone cream. It has changed our intimate life for the better. Good luck

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  • Posted

    Daphne.  First I want to applaud you for doing this for your husband.  Most men what to please.  But in a way your husband is right.  As we get older sometime nothing works the same.  But I was told by a doctor that the erection does lose some feeling and right before the orgasm it will get hard again.  You husband need to relax and enjoy you and the act.  Tell him there is to much planning Let it happen when it happens.  Go to dinner or the movies or just stay home and cuddle and enjoy one another.  If it leads to sex great if not no worry's.  Also stress is a killer he need to stop that because it will get worse and cause more problem.  Also as a men get older sometimes it take a little longer to get over that edge.  All I can say is be there for him.  The orgasm will come  Ken

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  • Posted

    As a retired psychotherapist I suppose I'm bound to say this, but if you can afford it, I suggest psychological help is the best way to go. It probably wouldn't work to ask your husband to see someone alone, Maybe you could both see a sex therapist?

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