Hyper awareness to my existence

Posted , 96 users are following.

Hi everyone,

I've been diagnosed recently with an anxiety disorder and i'm on my first week on escitalopram after trying citalopram which didn't seem to help.

For the past two weeks I've been struggling with a thought/feeling that I'm overly aware about my own existence and consciousness, those "flashes of consciousness" makes everything feels weird and different. I know it sounds crazy but it's like I'm afraid of being alive, like I suddenly realized that I'm human and alive and stuck in my body.

It seems like I can't get this thought out of my head. I've read somewhere that it might be "hyper awareness OCD" .

Is anyone ever felt like that before??

I don't want to be scared of living...

10 likes, 106 replies

106 Replies

  • Edited

    Hi i think you are maybe having in general fear of how you are going to feel just being you . Your probably nervous sick like and afraid because you are nervous . you probably are just afraid of feeling something in your body like your anxiety . You are just at a real state of awareness right now . Your body might kind of be in a fight or flight response . Iv had similiar symotoms during times of stress and coming of an antidepressanys more than once . I was uncomfortable and afraid of being alone . Try mindfullness and breathing in to a cound of 5 secs holding for 2 and exhalimg through mouth yo count if 10. A warm bath and just try to be good to yourself right now. You could try breathing methoods to activate your parasympathetic nervous system. look into it its amazing how it helps your body relax and helps balance the nervous system. it can get stuck in flight or fight response . Good luck to you and it doesnt sound crazy at all. make sute you keep your doctor up to date on how you are feelimg and any new symptoms you have. Not all medicines work on everybody and if new or worsening symptoms occur you should tell them immediately..Its just finding the right antidepressant that works for you. By the way different ones work on different chemicals in the brain and in different ways . One important tip ,try to eat even if you feel anxious right now although you may not want to. This helps your body as well . Hang in there .

    • Edited

      Thank you for your reply tam.

      I understand what you're saying but, still I feel like its the thought that drives me crazy.

      It in-golfs me 24/7, utilizing 95% of my thinking capacity.

      I haven't encountered anyone who shares the same feelings as I, that alone making me more anxious.

      How can it be that all of a sudden I feel weird being conscious and alive?!

      I'm feeling as if its never going to pass and I will be stuck in this state forever..:(

      I'm so confused right now...

    • Edited

      Hi. I believe that i most recently have felt like this, but right now it seems like its been this way for a long time. I am so aware that i am existing right now and its so strange. everyday feels the exact same and i feel like im going insane. im not even sure if this even makes sense because this feeling is so hard to explain. But i think i understand what you're saying and i am glad someone else is dealing with this because i am so confused. I do sound really crazy, but its just like all of a sudden i've like woken up and im seeing life for what it really is and i dont know.

    • Edited

      hi! how are u doing??? i feel too stuck in my body... like im meet and bones and its creeping me out

    • Edited

      i know EXACTLY how you feel. I felt like i could not explain it to anyone else but I am so relived ive seen your comment because when i say this is exactly how i feel i mean exactly. I will be on my phone and then i get a weird flash of consciences realising my existence and i feel like its completely changed my life. Almost as if i was born yesterday and havent got used to life. Its the scariest feeling ever snd it makes me question the present moment like what actually is this right night this very moment i cant comprehend it. It also makes me question what it means to think like the human mind is limitless and its so scary but im so thankful you understand. How are you now ?

    • Edited

      I am so late to this conversation, but I am SO happy I'm not alone in this feeling. It's really the scariest feeling in the world and you feel so alone because you don't have the language to describe it. And nobody else really gets it. It just comes across as so basic. Like being afraid of "being alive", when in reality it's such an intense hyper awareness of your literal conscious/existence, almost like you are realizing for the very first time that you exist. Even though you logically understand everything about your life, you're still feeling so disconnected from it on a cognitive level. When I experience the feeling (and I can trigger the feeling myself at any moment, which is horrible when I have compulsive thoughts), it feels like I've just woken up and that I have been disassociated my whole life. But it's terrifying. I think no language exists (in the West) to describe what we are feeling, maybe because too little people have experience it? When I have it really bad it feels like split brain. One part of you is aware of itself on one plane of reality (the part of your brain you spend the most time in/live in) and the other side, when triggered, feels like its on a completely different plane of reality, just understanding itself for the very first time. It's EXACTLY what you're saying that the the world/brain/reality is limitless and it feels scary to feel aware of that?

      Sorry to keep writing, I just feel so relieved that I am not alone in this. It's so hard to because it's not like having a panic attack where you can just ground yourself eventually. In our case, there is no place to ground yourself because you exist in it. I've learned to repress and distract myself from the thought in the past, but recently it's been a very consuming and intrusive thought for me. It's triggered at night especially. Wow I have so much more to say...but not even the word to describe it..as you know. Anyway...how are you? Thank you all for writing on this forum, it's really saved me.

    • Edited

      I've been dealing with this since i was a small child and i've never met anyone who had understood! I have felt exactly like you described. is there a word for it?? is it an OCD thing?

    • Edited

      finally i found some peopel that feel what i feel

      mine started with a depersonalization episode that lasted about a month and than i started obesssing over everything about my body and conciouness and existence. ive done some research and it seems like its a subtype of somatic ocd/ sensori motor ocd.

      its the thought that you are too self aware that scares us, and how we may never be able to think normally again. it takes up the majority of my concious and subconcious thinking and it feels like it will never end.

    • Edited

      Nah. I know 100% what you're talking about. That's exactly what led me here to your post. I have a hypothesis on what it could be but you'd think I'm crazy. Just know you aren't alone.

    • Posted

      Would love to know your hypothesis. I've had this feeling on and off since I was a child. It's like a sudden realisation that "I'm me - I'm actually alive" and that realisation intensifies until I snap out of it. Has it anything to do with consciousness?

    • Edited

      I know i am so late to this post but i am literally sobbing right now because i thought i was all alone in feeling this way. i havent been able to describe it to anyone properly but its been so lonely and debilitating and i just always feel as if i am going crazy and have flicked a switch in my brain that means im now so hyper aware of everything exaxtly like you said. Mine started with feelings of depersonalisation however now i dont feel real and also hyper aware at the same time if that makes sense they both come in waves. Thank you so much for posting this its made me feel less alone in the world.

    • Edited

      hi guys! this is exactly what im

      going through as well. it started wity a mild to moderate occurence of dp due to some external health issues and anxiety and it catapulted to some intrusive soul stuck in my body thoughts dp dizzinwss confusion about my own pwrsonality ans place in the world. ive been managing and feel im at the brave phase once again but not quite there yet. im currently not on any medication. i think the dp has or is mostly lifting but the hypwrawareness of my own soul and feeling like a robot all these months has set off this feeling exactly how you guys describe it. I think we are very sensitive, introspective souls whomarw dealing with some kind of ynpleasant reality or trauma that has set this of. im relying on some exercise, things that have alwsys made me happy even with the strangeness and standing on my faith. im

      not against medication but im forcing myself to deal with thw strangeness by just moving theough it, prayer and exerxise. the hyperawareness makws me feel like i messed up

      myself with this disordered thinking but Im hoping its all ine and thw same. In other words once thw anxiwty teiggers are reduced or gone the rest will follow. We all need support so if any of you want to reach out for me, Im here for you. Im a postive person wven whilw

      sealing with thesw debilitating anxiety symptoms. Give them to God and id yiu nees some help its ok get some. In the meantime. youre not alone in your thoughts. I'm experiencing this too and I dont wven have a bad life. It happens and its not pleasant. God bless!❤

    • Posted

      no because this is EXACTLY what i feel, and its not caused by any medication, i have been dissociating though for a while after a panic attack. please tell me how you cope with this? I don't wanna be like this forever

    • Posted

      hey, you're a very strong person. keep going, u got this ❤️

    • Posted

      Ive been feeling like this for a few months now....when i tell my friends it clicks and i feel like i messed them up lmfao....but i feel the same way. like I'm living in my brain and I'm just meat and bones which is what we are i just dont like being aware of that.....like how our cars are just machines and our phones....Sometimes things feel too real and its kinda scary cus my brain is just constantly points it out when i look at another person......I came on here to share that cus its been a recurring thought in my mind for a few months now and all day it hasn't stopped its kinda driving me insane.

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