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ive made like 10 posts on this website looking for reassurance about leukemia. i know to an outsider my posts may be silly and childish. sometimes even when i look back, i think it’s ridiculous but i cant help it. im so scared i have leukemia. the only symptom i have right now are petechiae. i have a lot of them. and everyday theyre increasing. i told my mom and my mom has some too. its like 5 am rn and i shined a flashlight on my forearm and i saw like 10 really really really tiny petechiae and im freaking out. you cant really see them without a flashlight but im still scared.
i took a bloodtest 8 months ago and everything was okay but im scared. i keep saying its just hypochondria but what if its not? i am so unhappy and so on edge. im so scared of my skin to the point where i cannot wear short sleeves anymore. im in desperate need of reassurance but i know no ammount of reassurance will ever calm me down. i try talking to my mom but she just yells and tells me shes taken me to doctors before. im 15. i know this may seem childish to you but im in the constant state of panic. i cannot go to sleep tonight bc im scared theres gonna be a petechiae rash on my skin when i wake up. i have no one to talk to and im just so hopeless.
i see no future for myself. i really dont want to die.
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