Hypospadias along with autism and ADHD has completely ruined my mental health and possible PTSD?
Posted , 2 users are following.
Hi there,
I am completely new to this forum so I apologise if I don't reply asap or if it takes me ages to reply. First off, I'm nearly 22 and when I was a baby I was born with severe hypospadias. I had to undergo 2 corrective plastic surgeries: one when I was 2 to fix the 'chordee' which is the bending of my manhood and the other operation I had (the major corrective surgery) I had when I was 4 years old where they had to create a uretha out of my foreskin. Luckily, both surgeries were a success however I am currently struggling with the 'mental scars' from my time in hospital, mainly my second surgery.
Just to clarify as well, I am slightly autistic and have ADHD too which both come with a variety of mental illnesses lol. Anyway, this past year or so I have come to realise just how badly my hypospadias and my operations have affected my mental health to this very day. I am unable to form relationships due to fear of being ridiculed and as a result I am still a virgin and do not have any confidence whatsoever in going on dates or getting intimate due to fear of being ridiculed. I am very uncomfortable with intimacy i.e. I don't like partners 'touching me down there' due to the memories of my time in hospital.
As a result, I am deeply depressed and ashamed that I haven't experienced sex or much intimacy and feel like I never will. But the thing is, I am extremely uncomfortable with the idea of intimacy so how am I supposed to experience it when I push people away lol? My whole time at hospital has caused me no end of anxiety, embarrassment and fear of any other health issues relating to my genitals.
I've had my testicles and penis checked no end of times cos I am paranoid I will have something else wrong and will have to go back into hospital and have major surgery again despite the fact that I function well and healthy down there. I am at a loss as to what I should do if I am honest. Also, throughout school I was constantly on edge in the PE changing rooms through fear that somebody may view my deformed 'manhood' (even though it was fixed it has still made me feel as if I am deformed); I would flat out refuse to get changed without cubicles at the swimming pool either due to the same fear and embarrassment.
I have tried to go to my GP but cos I am with an ADHD and Asperger's team for my ADHD medication the doctors are like "No we cannot offer you counselling as you're with the ADHD team so you will have to discuss it with them". Great isn't it? To make matters even worse, I asked my medication psychiatrist about my "problem" and asked for help but he was like "No we are not specialised enough to help you with that and you need to discuss it with your local GP" lmao what on earth do I do when both parties flat out refuse to help me?
I am too depressed to carry on with this and the fact that my past with hypospadias has ruined my confidence in meeting girls and asking them out is making me suicidal. I cannot carry on like this as it's ruining me completely; not to mention it's difficult for autistic people to get into relationships and maintain them.
What can I do? I feel like I am going to be a sad, little virgin until I drop dead and feel I will die lonely as I am unable to form relationships or be 'happy' because of this. I mentioned this to both my Mum and to a close friend and they both said "It sounds like you could have a form of PTSD" which I am starting to think I have and that it stemmed from my time when I was in hospital when I was 4. I had a few complications during my second surgery too; the catheter they inserted wasn't clean enough so I had a severe bladder infection and was painfully urinating almost pure blood after the surgery (I now have to consistently check the colour of my 'wee' as a result).
Can somebody with any potential knowledge, advice and experience help me with this? I am going to try my GP again and argue the toss with them until they can get me some proper help with this I am starting to believe I could have PTSD. Please I would really appreciate some advice if you can; my name is Sam by the way.
Thank you and I will get back to your replies as soon as I can!
0 likes, 2 replies
Patient hort1996
Posted
Hi hort1996
We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologies for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.
If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.
Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.
If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.
Kindest regards
Patient
tracey56393 hort1996
Posted
Hello Sam our son was born with hypospadias and had 1 corrective surgery when he was very young and doesn’t remember anything it is just the norm for him,although I worried myself sick about it all the time he is in secondary school now and all appears well.I don’t have any experience with autism or adhd but all I can say is take one step at a time concentrate on one thing only as i’m sure your mind races the whole time.make a plan of what you want ,or need,to start working on first.Are there any groups you can join for your adhd or autism maybe take up a hobby or new interest and join in with a class this can be your safe get away from it place where you give yourself NO pressure to think about anything else apart from the enjoyment it gives you.One thing at a time.Relationships can start from the oddest situations you don’t have to open your heart about your private life but telling somebody about your adhd and autism gives them the info they need to carry on a relationship.Take things at your speed.Sounds corny but I do believe that there is someone for everyone and some people may not just be worth it anyway.Everything is down to you in that area and you will know when you’ll feel comfortable enough with someone to go any further.Make a plan.and get pushy with those doctors they are hear to help you or at least give you the information to help yourself.be in control deal and with one thing at a time,baby steps,be in control of your life.things will fall into place Sam.There are always people hear to talk to.