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Im 33 year old mother with two beautiful sons trying to make their life great but everything goes wrong, been through a few tragedies over Past year. Lost about everything I worked hard for for 15 years. I feel like a disappointment, a screw up, useless, not worth saving everyday. I lost who i was, my confidence, nice job status, my drive, my morals, in debt up to my eyeballs.. I find have gone through several stages of emotion... Depression, weakness, i wanted to die ... Not necessarily suicidal just wished it ( because it would hurt less) i read all the time of the symptoms: feeling like nobody cares.... But this just really seems to be true?! At my lowest point ( was very deep) my family nor "friends" offered any word of sentiment. Even to ask if i was ok... After i had lived every waking breath every single year prior to this..trying to please others..nobody helped... This enraged me... Fueled my fire ( like i kinda literally"hulked"out)to move forward but now i just feel stuck and lost... Because every single time i move forward something happens and it sets me 100 steps back.. It's a weight that just rolls over me like an evil fog.. Ive gained weight ( and i know probably 25-30 lbs) is water weight because once every couple months i get to see that i do have ankles. I have had to cut off my wedding rings because they were growing into my skin ( my hands never alleviated) my muscles hurt so bad. My gut... We won't even go there.. Its just so very messed up bad with digestion issues. Hair so thin ..dry skin.. High bp with anxiety/nosebleeds at its worse and i just feel like a mess.. That cannot be fixed. I have tried to talk with Drs. They don't even care or even try.. Have put me on antidepressants that have caused life alerting symptoms as well. I know this is all choppy. Bad grammar and punctuation. But Im just looking for help, direction someone to show me the light take me under their wrong. Show me that I am worth fighting for. I have never done anything like this so if im am coming off like a weirdo please be gentle with response. If im in the wrong kind of place, please let me know. My heart is just so big and full of light i cannot stand the darkness any longer. Life is to short. I feel like im failing as a mother, as a wife, as a human being. I want to fix my life to set out to be good. I want to help others. My children, anyone in need who may be feeling like this. I want to show them they are worth it, worth saving. I want to make them believe it! Please help with any info if you Can. I apologize for the length of my text.
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