I (20M) and my girlfriend (20F) have a great relationship, but I’m having extreme anxiety thinking o

I known her a while before we dated, both had mutual interest but she always said she was fine being single. Eventually, we officially started dating, but it only lasted a month.

She didn’t do anything, it was me. I was just overwhelmed by having a relationship and I wanted out of it, I wanted to do my own thing.

I still was friends with her, but I even got with someone else when I was single

A few months after our breakup, we got back together, and everything is great. I truly am happy with her.

Here’s where I really struggle, I’m not exaggerating by saying 24/7 I get anxiety and I question how can I be with her after doing these things, well here we go.

The story:

We dated for a month, it just wasn’t what I wanted, lots of responsibility, I wasn’t happy. I broke up with her one Friday night, and she got me mad when she wouldn’t leave my apartment. Well, later in the night, she left and I was SO RELIEVED.

This is where the other girl comes into play. I went to her place and slept over with her. (Note: one trigger of anxiety right there) I was so relieved I went to bed place because she was a girl I’ve always been friends with and we always hung out before my relationship. I went there strictly to tell her I finally got out and it wasn’t what I wanted. Well, she fell asleep when I was talking, and I didn’t feel like leaving, so I slept in her bed, but I did not sleep anywhere near her, I knew it was wrong but I just wanted to stay there.

For the next month, I stayed over a few times, made out and she wasn’t into having sex so that was it. In the moment I would’ve had sex, but I also did tell myself I can’t have sex with her and get with my ex. I truly did not think I was doing anything wrong.

I also still hung with my ex, she slept over, we had sex, and still did things together. She knew we weren’t together but I did not want to end our friendship.

This takes us to later in that month, the other girl I just didn’t feel like hanging out with, and it was just me and my ex. A few weeks later, we got back together since we were leaving school for the summer.

She was upset at first when I told her everything, at one point telling me we’re done. After trying to make things right, she stopped being bothered, realizing I was single and it’s in the past.

The l problem is what I did when I was single. I know I was single and it shouldn’t matter, but the gap when I was with someone else after our initial relationship continuously kills me. We’ve talked numerous times and she tells me I can’t let the past affect what we have now, and she’s right.

It’s not the thought knowing she’s forgiven me, it’s the thought knowing our timeline was our first relationship, me with someone else, then back to our current relationship.

She may of forgiven me, but it doesn’t change the fact it happened.

It’s hard giving her all this love knowing what I did to her in the past, and I question my love because I obv didn’t love her when I did these things….

I get upset because what kind of love story is this?

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