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I am 14 years old and I have been really depressed since about a year or two ago. i am bullied at my school and i feel so worthless to my parents and teachers. I always try to pay attention in class but my mind gets caught up in other things like my thoughts which most of the time are negative, my grades are dropping i am usally an A/B student but latey since my depression has gotten worse i barely have the energy to get out of bed in the morning and i dread school and socializing sometimes ill get a burst of energy and feel good for a couple of days then its back down to the low and most of the thime its even worse than before. The only time I think i am truly sorta happy is when i am with my three best friends who understand but they all are in the same boat as me. About a year ago I had really bad suicidal thoughts and I started to hurt myself because it seemed like the only escape from the words and all the things i thought then my family found out and they sent my to a therapist who tried to get me to admit that i had tried to kill myself which wasnt true i had thought about it but i never went through with it but now i really wish i had. I just started high school and everything is so much worse i feel so useless i never talk to anyone usally unless i know them or i have to. i always head to the back of class and if people ask if anythings wrong i just lie i feel like i if people saw what was really happening then they would just make fun more. i feel so helpless i feel like its useless to go on breathing but for some reason i do. My parents dont get it they just say that my grades are unexceptable and i should be better they say that im just not the same but they never ask whats wrong or even try to listen they are to caught up with thier lives. my mom works all the time and my dads a pastor the last time i got low they said the reason was because i wasnt being a good enough Christian they never even tried to ask what was wrong my sister was the one who convinced them i needed help but i cant do that anymore i just feel useless and stupid for not making them happy but how can i make them happy when im not happy. i know that my life could be a lot worse but i feel like im living a lie like noone ever sees my face just the mask all the time and everyday i feel like i cant ask for help because everyone says if you do that youre looking for attention but i need to do something i can barely go around school without feeling dead
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