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I am a recovered anorexic, weight gain has me wanting to resort back to not eating

Posted , 4 users are following.

j55058
j55058

I am a recovered Anorexic. I have stayed around 110 pounds ( I am 5ft tall) for the last few years and was happy and healthy. In the past few months I have gained weight and feel like I might lose control of myself and resort back to non eating and or vomiting after a meal. I’m scared to go back to that but I feel so bad about the way I look. I need advice on overcoming that feeling! I have trouble seeing what I look like in the mirror and rely on others. A few people have commented on my weight gain rolleyes  I want to be healthy but I also want to feel good about myself. 

2 likes, 2 replies

2 Replies

  • gabriella44865
    gabriella44865 j55058

    Posted

    Hi J,

    This happened to me the first time I "recovered" from anorexia. Do you mind me asking what clothes size you are please or your bmi? X

  • katlouise1989
    katlouise1989 j55058

    Posted

    Hi. First of all, congrats on getting to a healthy weight, I know only too well how hard this is, so you've done incredibly well.

    Sorry to hear things are a bit difficult for you at the moment and it's not helpful with people saying what they are saying.

    It sounds like you're experiencing quite similar things to me at the moment. My weight is sort of stable, but I have difficulty tolerating my weight when it fluctuates at the top of my band. And I'm trying to tackle feeling good in my body. Both things are made tougher because I'm now 28 and have suffered with an eating disorder since the age of 11. Because I've suffered for so long, I have never tolerated my adult body and have never learned to maintain my weight. I'm using DBT and CBT techniques to help manage but the main thing to remember is it does take time. Due to challenges with the NHS, patients are often discharged from treatment when they are a safe weight, whereas the time they need the most support is when they are a healthy weight and needing to maintain. Recovery isn't linear, you're going to have bumps in the road and a lot of them. I just got into an argument with someone I knew (thought I knew) about mental illness and stigma (I'm still livid that they think it's a laughing matter....) but my behavioural instinct was to react internally and take it out on myself because that's what I've always done. Sitting with that uncomfortable feeling is part of recovery for me but it doesn't mean to say this will be the last time I feel manipulated by someone.

    Someone once said to me "there's no such thing as failure, it's how you learn from mistakes that's important". Each bump will mean you need to fight, but each time you fight, it gets easier and in a few more years time, you'll look back and see how much progress you've made.

    The important thing here is to fight the urge to go back to eating disorder behaviours. What techniques have you learned in treatment? This is the time to use them. It won't be easy but you can do it.

    Beat, the UK's eating disorder charity run online support groups and a free confidential helpline which is open 365 days of the year from 3pm-10pm. You might find it helpful to give them a call.

    Keep fighting, am here if you need to talk.

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