I am about to face my fears and go to Trial to save my home

Posted , 4 users are following.

Its been a almost 4 years battle with my Housing Association.

A battle that has impacted on my life in every way to this day.

Anxiety is at such a high level and rate today I was recently needing to just dope myself out and remain house bound for 8 days knowing that this horrific Trial case is on the way (Thursday 8th May) where i am having to fight a Landlord that wants me out of my home and has gone about gaining false statements that are damning of me and my personaility from being a decent person to a monster of all proportions that is frightening, inpredictable and dangerous.

All of this is entirely untrue and based on 2 out of 7 resident neigbors.

My anxiety increased dramatically last year when thick black mold was discovered in my only bedroom , it had travelled from behind a wall hidden by a built in robe which had not been opened for months , and was used to store personal belongings inside.

the mold had travelled down into the floor of my bedroom and across a large rug coverig the entire floor space from the rug the mold was found all through the bedframe and then matress and my bedding.

I was forced too abandon my bedroom and sleep on my kitche floor all of August/September, October and November, during these months I would literally in my increased anxiety and and now increased depression revert to abandoning my home entierly and would drive my motorbility car out of London where I became accustomed to sleeping in my car in the Motorway Road stopping stations.

I did this while my landlord left me without any support of any kind.

meanwhile I had my Hopsital Clinic for my HIv and my Local Gp Surgery and on top of this my Local MP writing constantly to my lanldord asking them to recognise my needs and vulnerablility and asking them on my behalf to act and also to see if they were willing to re house me temporaily.

The battle went on and on until I reached a point where I alomost gave up and I then decided to sell essential items like my washer and my microwave, my lounge suite and kitche items so I could afford to get out to Australia , to go to my family after an 8 yr gap and try to get well out there with thier support.

The Lanldord literally did nothing that could be seen as help me at any level.

I left of Oz around 23 November in a wheel chair to weak to walk and remained in Australia for much longer than I thought I would be there as due to my mental health issues , Increased and acut anxiety I was so unwell I was admitted 3 times into one of Melbournes main Hospitals .

prior to my travels i turned to the environmental health department at my local council and it was the enviromental officer that I was able to finally depend on to come to my home weekly to monitor the situation in my home.

I arrived back on 19 Febuary to my home, I was informed that the works had just been carried out to restore my bedroom back to what I had not had for so many months.

But on arrival I soon discovered the job was not completed at all so the issue remained and it caused new levles of anxiety and depression.

It took a ot out of me to get the job completed in April finally.

And since this time I am still struggling with all things to do with stress and anxiety as especially now I am due to be in a Court trial which is totally foreign to me and has left me self medicating and doped out so much I have not been able to function.

it was last tuesday that I finally was able to get up and function and even be able to go outside without fearing the worse of another acute anxiety fit.

I have managed to see my HIV clinic this past week and even saw my GP this morning .

I also had a 2 hr meeting with my legal aid solicitor in preperation for the trial hearing this coming Thursday.

I was able to get some tips and pointers from him in how to cope and deal with what will happen through this 3/4 hr intense trial where i face a lot of questioning and will be under a lot of pressure to remain calm , collected and focussed and able to communicate to the court in a way that does not place me in a worse situation than I find my self in presently.

I was assessed by the local mental health team to obtain a social worker and this was denied.

I am asl seeking to gain all the support emotionally and physically I can get and have made some excellent choices .

I have gained a mental health advocate as well from a organisation I was referred too.

So things are looking stable right now.

But like we all can relate to this is saturday anf things in my life can dramatically change by later today if not tomorow and even by Thurday which is so important to me that I am able to cope and speak when spoken to and not find myself spitting my words out and becoming entirely aggitated and unable to comminucate poprely through an ordeal as important as this one.

If i am to fail my worse scenario is I am told to get out of my property and live on the streets.

I will be homeless as will my best and dearest mate that lives with me and is who I turn to 24/7  for support.

I have been told by my sister recently that mold infestation can have major effects with stress and can lead to increased anxiety and depression.

I am spending this time right now re searching what is commonly known as Toxic Molud Syndrome.

I am seeking to find a clinic here that can provide a thorough test screening which would iclude brain scanning me so I can try to gain knowlege about why my life has crashed and remains so difficult to cope at all levels.

Its no good to me to just know I have acute anxiety and increased depression which to me calls for personal action and to research all I can to find answers and to then start to look at ways this can be reversed and really to know how to help myself get through this awful period of my dmamged life.

I am 53 years young.

I want my life back and it takes me to get things moving forward even when I feel I have no more energy or fight in me, I still neeed to be seen moving forward.

God forbid I go backwards as I know what that encounters and trying to take my own life is not what I want out of what is left of my one life

Anxiety and Depression are widespread in our communiities, men are slowly getting better to actuallt start to communicat thier feelings but on the whole I feel we are stigmatized and mostyl so misunderstood about our mental health disability , this illness really does require the effort and consistancy to fight back and to eventually overcome the disability of anxiety and depression.

Please spare a though for me this fellow warrior in my week ahead.

My higher Power is what I look too for the courage, strenth and wisdom to mgo into the courts and be able to show others exactly who I really am.

And to shut the mouths and voices of those who simply dont care about me and want to shout and scream that I am indeed the moster they say I am.

I know the truth will always set me free

Hugs

PJ

 

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  • Posted

    Ozzie - What to say? Where to start?

    Instead of sitting here trying to respond to your heartfelt outpouring, perhaps what you really need is a lot of people to just tell you not to fear. Your emotions and your fears will be understood by everyone.

    Aside from how you have been affected personally, even if only half of the things you describe had happened, what an indictment on our social and healthcare system. I don't recognise the callousness being shown toward people in such desperate plight in this country of all places. I am simply appalled.

    I will pray for you, I promise. You've said that would help. I will be one of many I know, who will do the same. I will actively think about you each day until next week and imagine only positive outcomes. As a fellow human being, I send you love and positive energy, and I faithfully promise, you will be a part of my prayers.

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    • Posted

      dear fellow warrior.

      I am so delighted to of just recieved your message that is so amazing and encouraging I am amazed and grateful.

      I could not of asked for a more positive and caring response.

      I am so thankful there are great souls as you are out here.

      And am most grateful I was able to stumble across this site only very recently

      Hugs back to you.

      Have an awesome weekend.

      Those prayer we send never go un heard.

      I and you know that

      PJ

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    • Posted

      Dear Ozzie

      I'm quite overwhelmed by your response. How grateful I am to be on the receiving end of such heartfelt and kind remarks.

      Here I am at 2am, unable to sleep, totally lost and in despair. I logged on to the site unaware of the beautiful gift that was waiting for me.

      Bless your large heart for uplifting me with your courageous post and your loving reply. Words cannot express my gratitude.

       

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    • Posted

      Dear Rainboy

      I am glad that as I have found this site to be uplifting it is a gift to all of us.

      The real gift for me is knowing I am not alone in my struggles and there is at least one way to deal with those overwhelming feelings of distress which come with anxiety and that is to come into this site and be enspired and blessed by the understanding of others that know what I am on about and others that have answers that I dont in how to cope and move forward.

      It becomes so tiring in the struggle and to enter into constructive chat by coming into this site we give ourselves a good chance to get through the moment.

      You are valued and are as important as the next person in here and together we can see hope on the horrizan for ourselves as a collect group of people who are not afraid to say how it is.

      I hope you were able to find rest last night and feel refreshed this morning as I do right now.

      I am blessed in having those encouraging words that you said to me.

      We are not alone and are here for each other.

      PJ

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  • Posted

    Hello Ozzie,  I spoke to you a couple of weeks back and said i would pray for you. I am appaled at the way you have been treated by your neighbours and housing association.  It is good to know that you have a mate to support you thou.  You must feel worn down and isolated with all this going on. I hope now that you will be heard in court, you say Thurs may 8th, it is Sat may 9th today, have you been to court yet, If so what is the outcome? I hope it is all in your favour.  Still thinking and praying for you.

    Best wishes.

    Elizabeth.

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    • Posted

      abeth

      Thank you kindly again for your compassion and thoughtfulness concerning my own needs, when need is all around us.

      I appreciate evey prayer that is directed towards the Lord above about this Trial.

      I am sorry i reported it as being Thursday 8 May when in fact it is Thursday 14 may at 10am .

      Hugs

      PJ

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  • Posted

    Hello Ozzie,  I am amazed that inspite of your own troubles you have replyed to another recently, one i have just replied to also.  You sound like a very compassionate person that you can help others, I applaud you for that.  You give so much of yourself  and are so sincere.  I will be out tonight a rare treat,  but i will be back here later or tomorrow.  I will keep praying as i am a christian too and believe in prayer.

    Elizabeth.  smile

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    • Posted

      Tks again

      That is me being just me, I have always felt the need for compassion especially when it comes to treating others kindly , those with Mental health issues where the maority would walk on by and leave others to suffer alond and in silence

      PJ

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  • Posted

    Hello Ozzie, spoke to you a while ago - just wanted to say we're all thinking of you and hoping for a happy outcome for you , just be your lovely self and gain strength from all of us wishing you well, big hugs Ozzie and keep in touch with us, will be praying along with others for you .
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    • Posted

      Hey Lou

      You did it again.

      Have given me hope and some confidence to get through this time.

      I am so grateful I founbd this site and people like yourself who are fighting with me .

      We really are not alone all we need to come in here and give a little and get a little or even a lot more back.

      quote -"people who need people are really the luckiest people in the world "

      Thanks again

      PJ

      No Prayer to a Mighty and Powerful Higher Power -God Allmighty will never go unheard.

      he is with us all i our lives from beginning to end.

       

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  • Posted

    Hi Ozzie,  How are you doing at the moment,  i know your court case is looming?  Just wanted to say that i am still thinking about you and praying for a great outcome on Thursday.  If i could i would physically be there with you as i have court experience from my voluntary work i did with victim support for several years, and also because i know that you have been treated appalingly by so called professionals. I have empathy for those who deserve it and you certainly do.  You are a great support to others inspite of your own predicament and troubles.  I hope you get some rest in the meantime.  Take care. 

    Elizabeth.  smile

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    • Posted

      Dear Elizabeth, Thankyou fro being as dependant as you are in coming back to me less than 48 hours before I have to face my fears and those who do not like me .

      I am remaining on my feet and refuse to lay down again and feel defeated by those who have nothing nice to say about me and would not spare a thought for my serious issues and the threat that they have placed upon me which leads me to now on top of everything else have to fight for the right to live in my Housing Assocation flat.

      Thankyou for thinking of me through out this period.

      I would love to of had people around me on the day just like you especially as you say you have experience of the Courts where I know I have very little myself.

      But I am in my head all planned to give it my best shot , I have stopped believing I am going to collapse and make a scene of myself during the trial.

      I am determined to remain compossed, and able to answer all the questions in a way that proves to the court I am indeed not the dangerous monster that lurkes after these 2 neigbors and have nothing better to do with my daily life but to prey on them and cause havock all around me.

      My home life is a place that should be for my benifit , a place where I can come inside and find rest and peace.

      A place to heal and feel safe.

      But all of this has been taken away from me and I go into the court and will be myself and nothing more.

      And as I allow myself to openly speak about my mistakes and my faults I will also find the courage and composure to refute the lying allegations that do not belong to me and amount to me being a person that I am not.

      I feel the comfort and at ease knowing there are many out here that have me close to thier thoughts and who are praying for me to get through this time of trial .

      I can only believe that in speaking the truth and not bypassing what is truth this can hopefully be seen as for what it is and that the courts will come to the right and fair decision on the day.

      I dare not go down the road of thinking Homeless at this time

      I am believing that this will be the day I have needed for the entire period of this tenancy of nearly 4 years to allow me to be set free from the bullying and wicked tactics of those that have set out to see me without a home and a place where I can heal and concentrate on what the important issues have always been.

      I am gratefull to have your full supposrt and will keep you fully updated of what happens as it happens

      hugs and Blessings to you

      PJ

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    • Posted

      Dear Ozzie, just a note to say will be praying for a good outcome tomorrow for you. Lots of us here will be thinking and sending positive thoughts your way, be strong as you are now, hold your head high - no more tears if you can I know it's very very hard but you know the truth and the truth is that you are a good person and I'm sure this will shine through. Please let us know how things go, take good care. Positive hugs from us all and good luck 😀
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    • Posted

      Thank you kindly Lou.

      I feel like i can start my day off in a very posative way and take heed of all you said and all that posative energy you fed me just now.

      Speak soon mate

      I will update the outcome later on Thursday

      XX

      PJ

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  • Posted

    please know that you are not alone.  I had the same thing and I owned the condo.  you could try effexor to help with the hormones and moods.  People are evil...my condo board of directors turned their backs on me and I had evacuated for 3 years and lost my money while renting from one place to another and running to the car.  
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