I am beginning to forgive myself about things I did while in an episode. How can I move on complet?

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I few years back I was manic/depressive.  Cycling and not taking meds.  I had been in denial, lying, and very ill mentally.  I was suicidal and ended up in the hospital.  I lost people I love.  Some by choice and others who had had enough.  A few years later I am well.  Take my meds, go to group therapy as much as possible and have one on one counseling every three weeks.  I have almost forgiven myself.  I'm just not sure if my decision to stay away from loved ones is the right thing.  There is drama and a lot of things that trigger me.  I also realize who I am and what I want and I know I would not be entirely happy with having to deal with others issues and drama.  As for the people Iblost, I am finally letting go and realizing that I can't force anyone to love me and that I'm done crying and praying for forgiveness and to be taken back.  I've becoming selfish and finally taking care of me.  Praying I making the right decisions and keeping it moving.  Has anyone experienced this?  How were you able to completely let go?  I think I'll get there because I've come a long way but I still have moments of sadness. 

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  • Posted

    I do not have a mental illness so I can't really answer your question but members of my family suffer from personality disorder and OCD and I know their struggles.

    I wanted to tell you that I admire you so much for your strength and persistence in battling your illness.  You have obviously made some very good choices to reach the place you're in now.  

    I wish you the best and keep up the great work one day at a time. 

    Diana

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  • Posted

    First of all I would like to say that Jesus loves you unconditionally and if you have asked his forgiveness for all sins He has forgiven you.  Now it is time to forgive yourself so you can move on.  I have walked in your shoes.  I would hope that your friends and family loved you unconditionally also.  Since you are feeling some guilt for maybe something you said or did, I think you are ready to heal and move on.  You could extend to these people an "olive branch."  Send them a special card and tell them that you are now receiving the right treatment and taking to proper medicine, and tell them that now you can look back and see how ill you really were and am so sorry for any pain you might have caused them.  If they were really your friends to start with, they are waiting to hear from you.  If you do not hear back from them, then that is their problem.  Move on.  Keep the Faith.  Stay well. Take your meds.  The latest meds are so much better than what we had 40 years ago.  Always remember:  Jesus loves you and many others do also.
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  • Posted

    Hi, I can relate to a lot of what you say and wanted to tell you that i have finally put myself first at the age of 50.i have done it with lots of personal and professional help ,but it has mostly come from within because in order to stay well and live a happy life i  had to take a long hard look at who i wanted to be and it wasn't the character that i had become prior to my bipolar diagnosis.i have had to change pretty much everything from diet,friendships,handling work as a nurse but nearly a year on from total meltdown last february i'm getting a new life back,not without blips but i'm doing ok and i really wish you lots of luck for the future.Sadness is ok you know cos its a way of recognising the terrible times but dont let sadness ruin your future. xxx
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  • Posted

    I have been in exactly the same place you were in so I know how hard it is sometimes you have to start again for the sake of your own health I blamed myself for everything and what a bad person I was, but I have now realised how ill I actually was but it is hard for others to understand mental illness. I kept people close and I also walked away from many it was time to walk down a new path x

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