I am certain I have Borderline Personality Disorder, what shall I do?

(Sorry it's long)

I know it's not good to self-diagnose but looking into it and into the patterns of behaviour that has followed me round most of my life, it seems so very clear. 

I have always struggled with my emotions, I could react so weirdly to the smallest of things, and have huge-blown meltdowns over something so trivial. My parents noticed and always denied it being something bigger, even when I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. Throughout my life I've always had unstable relationships with friends, loosing so many and having new ones within a few weeks, I moved from friendship group to friendship group and always found a way to fall out with them. This is more evident than anything now, as I have hardly anyone left at all. I think it's because I'm annoying, and argumentative but also know that I push people away, for example, living in my student house now, I'm always locking myself away and never speaking to the people i live with, then cry and have a meltdown when they leave me out. It's not so much abandonment that forces it, but mostly comes from the lack of sense of self I have, and the self-hatred I have for myself, that makes me want to hide away and not speak to anyone. I can't help but distant myself from people, thinking they cant understand me, or they're not on my level. I can't also find myself getting serious feelings for anybody, I go between really liking them some nights, wanting them to be here and thinking about being together, to not liking them at all, and pushing them away. Theres never a middle ground which is why I've never had a serious relationship, this is something that's happened for years now.

I also always find something to worry about, over the few years, it's switched between my weight, which causes me to binge eat, or being lonely, which causes me to hide away. I also have a massive problem with alcohol, I don't know why I drink, and the amount of times I've tried to quit, but always find I can't last more than two weeks. When I'm drunk, I do such stupid things, sleep with people despite when being sober not being interested in sex at all, start crying over nothing or the stupidest of comments and start dwelling on all the stupid stuff I've done or things that happened in my life. It's so self-disruptive, whenever I do things like that drunk, the next week is followed by serious depression and anxiety to the point it makes me physically ill. I've lost so many friends through my drunk-behaviour. An example of how bad it can get, is that last year whilst I was almost black-out drunk, I tried to run in front of traffic to try and kill myself, and got picked up and taken to A-E. I still dwell so much on that night. 

My moods can shift between being happy and carefree, to being so sad and depressed I shut myself of. I notice it the most at work, as towards the end of a shift I can switch and start thinking about how much I hate myself, which will cause me to become moody and stand-offish. Coworkers even notice and bring it up alot

I also have such a bad self of self. I don't know who I am, and never feel able to express myself in the way I look, etc. I go on Pinterest and idolise other girls, telling myself that one day I'll have the confidence to wear something like that, and be like that, but never do. It causes so much self-hatred, and I never feel comfortable, or confident in my own skin. 

All I want it to get better and happier, and be more stable so I can enjoy life. I thought I was doing well, despite my self-hatred recently, as I'd cut mostly everyone out of my life, and had stopped drinking, but then this weekend I went out and got so drunk I ran off crying and ended up sleeping with someone I shouldn't have. Now everything's hit me at once, and I don't know what to do. I feel so alone. 

I don't even know how to get diagnosed, and just want to be able to be happy. I'm fed up of letting myself ruin everything.

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