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Naturally I am loud and outgoing but have always suffered extreme mood swings and periods of acute depression. I am currently taking sertraline, exercise regularly, receive therapy and eat well. I am doing all of the things required of me to get better. But I never do.
My therapist, while supportive, does not offer me the solutions I so desperately need. I hope someone here can help.
I live in a busy city and almost everybody I know is creative or famous. They all have parties, exhibitions, book launches, readings and film screenings. I always dreamed of being creative but didn't really show any great talent for any creative outlet in particular. In fact, despite doing well in my education, I have never achieved any kind of professional success. For this reason I always feel as though I am celebrating the success of others, while never receiving the same in return. Friends are supportive and kind but essentially all I want is the same sense of celebration for my successes as they get to experience.
It has got to the point where I now do not speak to anyone because of the pain I felt for things being so one-sided. It is not their fault but equally it is not my fault for having nothing for them to attend.
I understand this might sound spoilt or privileged but I am not like this. I am generous and love that my friends are doing so brilliantly. I just hate that I have nothing for which they could return the favour.
Please if you can shed any advice or wisdom on this situation I would love to hear from you as I really have become a hermit who doesn't leave the house for days and days at a time. I regularly cut myself now and have large exposed wounds all over my face through self harm.
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