I am depressed, hopeless, feeling immense self-loath. Please HELP me?

Posted , 5 users are following.

There are points in our lives from where there is nowhere left to go, all paths seem closed up. I am 19 and feel like killing myself, but am aware that it will only add to the problems.

I have been a ace student throughtout school. So, my parents have always expected a lot from me. the problems began when i couldnt get into my choice of univ (the best one) , but still landed a decent one which wasnt my parents top choice at all. I decided to give another try to that univ but that didnt work out either. moreover i ended up failing in a subject, something that my parents arent aware of yet. i wasnt sailing well at univ but i pulled myself slowly at pace with others. my parents werent too cool about low grades and compared me to other kids. they expect me to get top placements like X/Y's son/daughter. but the truth is i have lost all motivation that i once had, to study, to excel at everything i do. still i give it my best just so i can make my father proud once again.

I have several guy friends, mostly by chance and not some preference of guys over girls. My parents are super-conservative . therefore i dont share these stuff with them. lately I got involved with a friend(trustworthy) of mine and my parents found out about this. now they are super mad at me and accusing me of shaming them and breaking their trust . they have stopped sending me to univ and are threatening to marry me off to some stranger they'll chose for me. I have no choice in the matter, whatsoever.

now, i want to share what my mindset is . I love studying and i have a million aspirations like any other kid. I dont have interest in relationships and i treat sex as an itch . I tried it just to gain a perspective and did it only becoz i knew that person wont ever break my trust or try to abuse me. the only thing i care about is building my future and making my father proud. but there is no way my parents would understand this. they are hardcore purists about the whole sex issue. they think i have become loose, i have no love for my family and no morals. 

I love my father. anything i am today is becoz of him. he has always fulfilled my wishes/demands even before i expressed it. my mother has had a tough life bringing us up. i cant love them enough. my last and only wish is to make available every single luxuxry they have sacrificed for us. but they have refused to listen to a word i say. 

how do i convice them that this is not a solution but an endpoint. its not easy to change the mindset of a person in a lifetime. i am just a child to them and they just wont listen. help me?

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  • Posted

    I've read all of that and I'll say this.

    You feel no sense of worth in your life because your life has been lived for other people, and when those other people don't listen to you, neglect you (if you like), give you everything superficial rather than emotional support you need at this time, you have nothing of your own to take comfort in and support yourself.

    My advice? Live for yourself; create something for yourself. When you have that, you'll have a reason to live and a foundation to build on.

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  • Posted

    So sorry your parents are putting you through this.  As Boing wrote you don't owe your parents anything.  Can you find a job and get out of their home?  I was a terrible student when I first went to college - too many parties, too many skipped classes to play tennis, etc.  My parents were furious and rightly so.  I found a job and years later reentered a great American university where I was on the honor roll and eventually got a Master's in Economics.  I was proud of myself and my parents were also.  
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  • Posted

    Your parents are putting far too much pressure on you! They should love you unconditionally and let you make your own choices in life. I had very overbearing parents who convinced me I was worthless and an embarrassment. It led to me suffering depression from a very early age. I am now 45 and have only just stopped being bitter. I don't see my parents now but its the only way I have been able to start recovery. I have 2 fabulous daughters with very different attitudes to life but they are happy and I am there if they need me. I will not treat them the way I was treated. I am myself now and I have people who love me.
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  • Posted

    Hi, I think it is so wrong of parents to put so much pressure on their children to succeed .or conform, it can do so much harm. It seems like they are living their dreams through you, but your dreams are your's and not their's.

    It is difficult to disappoint those you love, but you must be true to yourself, even if it means that they are disappointed. 

    It sounds like they are Asian and believe in arranged marriages. It is against the law to force you into an arranged marriage without your consent, if you live in the UK, so I hope they don't try to carry out their threat.

    I am not Asian, so it would be difficult for me to advise you, if they are, as they have beliefs and traditions that I do not share.

    Many teenagers experiment with sex and although it may seem shocking to those who do not approve, most come to no harm and it sounds like you can take it or leave it.  What's done is done.

    Your parents are upset, but in time, they may realise that you do not wish to disappoint them and that you love them.  Then they may listen to you.  Could you write a letter to them?  Would they read it or would they tear it up?  Is there anyone who could mediate for you with them?

    I hope you will go back to Uni, but if not, perhaps in time you could resume Uni, even if it is through the OU.  Vickycam managed to do that.

    Good luck.  It is hard going to go against the set beliefs of your parents, but you may have to do that if there is no other way and make an escape.

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  • Posted

    I think sush that the root cause of your problems is your parents wishes and aspirations for you. You are a young adult now so don't let them make you feel guilty.  Learn to make your own decisions and what is right for you. All this additional family stress really is not worth it. Believe me I have been there myself.


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