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There are points in our lives from where there is nowhere left to go, all paths seem closed up. I am 19 and feel like killing myself, but am aware that it will only add to the problems.
I have been a ace student throughtout school. So, my parents have always expected a lot from me. the problems began when i couldnt get into my choice of univ (the best one) , but still landed a decent one which wasnt my parents top choice at all. I decided to give another try to that univ but that didnt work out either. moreover i ended up failing in a subject, something that my parents arent aware of yet. i wasnt sailing well at univ but i pulled myself slowly at pace with others. my parents werent too cool about low grades and compared me to other kids. they expect me to get top placements like X/Y's son/daughter. but the truth is i have lost all motivation that i once had, to study, to excel at everything i do. still i give it my best just so i can make my father proud once again.
I have several guy friends, mostly by chance and not some preference of guys over girls. My parents are super-conservative . therefore i dont share these stuff with them. lately I got involved with a friend(trustworthy) of mine and my parents found out about this. now they are super mad at me and accusing me of shaming them and breaking their trust . they have stopped sending me to univ and are threatening to marry me off to some stranger they'll chose for me. I have no choice in the matter, whatsoever.
now, i want to share what my mindset is . I love studying and i have a million aspirations like any other kid. I dont have interest in relationships and i treat sex as an itch . I tried it just to gain a perspective and did it only becoz i knew that person wont ever break my trust or try to abuse me. the only thing i care about is building my future and making my father proud. but there is no way my parents would understand this. they are hardcore purists about the whole sex issue. they think i have become loose, i have no love for my family and no morals.
I love my father. anything i am today is becoz of him. he has always fulfilled my wishes/demands even before i expressed it. my mother has had a tough life bringing us up. i cant love them enough. my last and only wish is to make available every single luxuxry they have sacrificed for us. but they have refused to listen to a word i say.
how do i convice them that this is not a solution but an endpoint. its not easy to change the mindset of a person in a lifetime. i am just a child to them and they just wont listen. help me?
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