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I am new here...

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P_for_Photographer
P_for_Photographer

Hi Guys,

This is my first post and thought I will introduce myself. I am 22 and have just finished uni late month, and I think I am supposed to be happy. I have been dealing with 2 'good friends' called depression and anxiety sine last April, nothing has improved since. I have tried 5 different AD, they either don't work or the side effects are too serious that I have had to stop. Now we have got to a point where my GP is running out of option but to give me more aggressive (this is not the word she uses, but my impression anyway) meds. But of course she is not 100% sure so she wants to speak to my useless PDoc first. Yes, he is useless and my GP knows I don't like seeing him, just like today, she asked me if I really forgot to make an appointment when I met my nurse at the CMHT or did I forget on a purpose... of course I forgot on a purpose. I was on dulouxitine for like a couple of weeks and my mood was sort of stable, but then I have been having a very bad chest pain, so I needed to stop it and to have a couple of scans done to find out if it's just the side effect or if I have a problem with my heart. So now the exciting bits begin...

I have been meds free for only 3 days, and I have fallen into that deep deep black hole again, I started cutting again, having very bad suicidal thoughts (I know I won't act on them, but still...) The ironic thing is I live right behind King's and the Maudsley, so I don't have any excuse not to get help when I need it, but I know I will never be brave enough to go to the A&E again, coz I went last year and that was a very stressful and strange experience. My GP is a very very nice doc and she sees me more often that she really should, and every time she sees me, I get at least 30mins, which is very unusual with GPs I supposed, but it's got to a point where I feel I am wasting her time going to her every week or two to vent and say the same thing every time.... Anyway, I don't know what am I talking about and thanks for reading this.

0 likes, 3 replies

3 Replies

  • Pooh_bear
    Pooh_bear

    Posted

    I think that you need to get yourself some help as soon as possible. If you are cutting again and having suicidal thoughts then head off to Kings out patients or if the Maudsley still have their emergency out patient clinic over to them. I do wish you well and hopefully by the time you read this post it isn't too late. Pooh.
  • P_for_Photographer
    P_for_Photographer

    Posted

    Hi mate,

    Thanks for the reply, I'm feeling better now, but like I said to my GP yesterday, I am never gonna recover with my mum stay here with me. She has just decided to ignore me again because I asked her to go home... it's hard, you know, I am not turning her away, but I just need some space by myself.

    Like I said in the last post, I am not keen on going to any hospital ever again, I would normally switch to weekly appointments with my GP when I experience a period of extreme mood swings (like now), but I won't this time, because I have once again turned into this mindset of me wasting people's time, and in fact I am, I don't see the point to going to the doc or my nurse just to tell them how bad I feel and they can feel sorry for me, I know I might be putting myself at risk, but I really can't care anymore.

    The only thing I really would love to happen is for my mum to go back home for a while, but I know it won't happen....

  • Pooh_bear
    Pooh_bear

    Posted

    Perhaps your Mum is really worried about you? I know that you really want her to leave but perhaps it makes her feel better that she can keep an eye on you. Tell her that you are feeling better and ask her to go now? I agree with the weekly meetings with your GP. I have just gone from weekly meetings with mine to three weeks. It is important that someone sees you regularily and that you have someone to talk to. If every health professional felt sorry for their clients then they wouldn't be able to do their job. I expect that they do get over involved sometimes. It really is the depression and your low self esteem that is talking. You do matter to your family, to people at uni and friends. I hope that you are beginning to see the light at the end of this very dark tunnel. Pooh.
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