I am not to sure what I have? But I'm a little lost

Posted , 4 users are following.

Hey, so here is the thing. I am a 25 year old female seeking some answers or some advice.

I am not sure if I have anxiety/depression. I have always put off speaking to people about it. Including friends, family and my gp. But I am fed up of feeling the way I feel. I have always had a very low self esteem from a very young age. I was bullied as a child for being over weight, by siblings and school children. Since school I have lost a lot of weight but now I feel more paranoid about how I look. Everything has since stuck with me.

I feel like I've lost all interest in going out and doing the things I used to enjoy doing. I hate to walk into bars because I feel people stare at me. I don't show any confidence and I am fed up with people saying "don't you ever smile" or "you always look miserable" I can't help this, I don't feel like I fit in and I feel as though people talk about me. And I go stiff and fidget and chew the insides of my cheeks. I am single and have been for quite some time and it gets me down, I feel like I'm not good enough for anyone and that I am never going to settle down because I am not confident to go out and meet new people.

I have recently started my dream job, I am training at the minute and I am feeling like I am going to fail and let everyone down because people keep telling me how proud they are of me. I never believe in myself in anything I do and I always think i can't do things.

I worry about the way I look, I am not happy with my body nor my face. I feel when I try and make myself look and feel nice people put a downer on me by saying "your vain" or that I am not natural and I'm fake.

I have an older sister that can be quite harsh. She tells me that I am desperate if I start seeing a man and always says to me "you go for anyone that gives you attention" which puts me off getting close to a man. I feel like I have a phobia of men and I am scared to meet them.

I have never thought about self harming or suicide. But I have thought about death quite a lot, usually about my parents or my loved ones dying one day and it brings me to tears.

I want to feel good about myself, I want to feel happy and I want to be able to believe in myself and I want to be confident. I don't want to see a gp though. What's wrong with me? I'm so fed up of feeling low.

1 like, 12 replies

Report / Delete

12 Replies

  • Posted

     I have always had low confidence and low self-esteem ever since I can remember which is way back to kindergarten!   I never talked in school and it was awful. I never developed a sense of my own self like who I was. It was a nightmare for me and I label it is a crippling shyness. Which actually means no confidence. I was this way through grade  School, high school and college. I felt like I never belonged. My home life was great it was the public life i struggled with. I never fit in to different social groups. And even with my first professional job. I got married so I could quit working which i found miserable. As I got older it wasn't as bad but I still never really felt confident. Finally in my 50s I fell into depression  with horrible anxiety symptoms. I started going to a counselor regularly which really helped and listened to meditative audios online related to stress anxiety and depression. I decided I needed to fight this or the rest of my life will be ruined. I started exercising daily and eating very healthy and started socializing more, taking  healthy supplements,  and keep listening to the meditation audios. I bought a book at the bookstore related to the power of the mind and how we don't have to let her thoughts go to the negative. I highly suggest you find a counselor you feel comfortable with because it's much better to vent to  someone you don't know who can really help you versus family members or friends who don't have as many resources. I keep going to my counselor even though I start feeling better it's like a lifeline. 

     I know exactly what you're going through and it's just a horrible feeling isn't it? When I told my counselor my life story of the crippling shyness and lack of confidence etc. three words she told me stuck in my head. She said "you suffered enough " on the way home those three words stuck in my head and I just started crying because it was just a relief to hear someone tell me that.

     we deserve better! We don't have to live a life of that kind of suffering. I'm sure you have a lot of great qualities as I found out that I did too. 

    be relentless in getting better because you deserve a great life! Treat yourself well Andnever give up!

    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Wow thank you so much for sharing your story. You seem like a really strong woman and you should be so proud of how far you have come. I am happy things are on the up for you smile

      It does feel good getting things off your chest, reading your story bought a tear to my eye.

      I always put off speaking to people because I always thought people would assume I am attention seeking, but speaking to a counseller they see it every day and I will definitely look into it thank you.

      I was also thinking is it the time of year, Christmas and new year all alone but I knocked that one on the head as I've felt like this for a long time, I don't think the time of year helps though.

      Thank you so much for your reply I really appreciate it xx

      Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

     I just wanted to add that it can be very difficult trying to overcome this alone. That's why I suggested seeing a counselor who can provide great resources and help and guide you through this. I didn't know which way to turn until I found a great counselor which has been a blessing to me!

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Sorry to say if you won't at the very least talk to a GP, you won't get better. It's just that simple. Anxiety and depression tend to get worse when untreated, not better. It's your call of course though, you have to take the step to get better, up to you, no-one will force you

    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      The thing that always put me off going to a gp was it would be on my records. I think far to much into things rolleyes and also if I was wasting a GPs time if I didn't have anxiety or depression. I don't know if I have. I'm so confused x

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      It being in your record wouldn't make a difference though, it's not shared with anyone. Your only going for a conversation, they would tell you what they think, and they would try to help, there's no such thing as wasting a GPs time. They are there to listen, and to help if you want them to - if you don't, then they won't, they won't force you into anything. Others have mentioned counselling, that or therapy is an option, meds I would say no - they help some people, but by and large stick to talking therapies, they tend to be better tolerated an work better in the long run. Don't try to second guess, see a professional and they'll take all the guessing out of it

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Don't worry about wasting a doctors time, their job is to help you,  that's what they get paid for and you deserve to get some answers! I have all that on my records for so many years and it didn't make one bit of a difference. The most important thing is getting the help you need.

      By law, That is private information  that  can only be shared with you unless you give permission for it to be shared with another doctor etc.  😉

      Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Maybe some counseling would help you.. It would help you slowly learn to let go of the past and horrible people who caused you to feel this way, whether they thought it was just a joke or not. I've learned to realise that 9 out of 10 times when I'm scared that people are staring at me, they really aren't even paying attention.

    People will always look for a quick second when people walk into somewhere.. Unless you're coming in dressed in a costume and carrying balloons, I highly doubt they're staring the way you think they are.

    Don't be scared of failure. You'll end up letting this insecurity get in the way of your dream job. Put on a fake smile if you have to.. I'm sure over time, you'll start to appreciate it and become more self confident. Let yourself splurge and get a few new outfits and makeup. Get your hair done. Make yourself feel good.

    Is it possible your sister is jealous? Do you get into relationships fast? Because your self esteem is so low, you really may get into relationships just because someone shows you attention. Just make sure you're always doing what's best for you and not just because it feels good at the moment.

    There are a ton of things about myself I can't stand. I hate my weight (i've lost a ton since anxiety). I hate my dry hair. I hate my blotchy skin. But you know what, some clothes and makeup can make me feel attractive. And you know what else, my fiance finds me pretty even on my ugliest days. We will always think we look less attractive than we actually do. I'm sure you have a ton of admirers that you don't even realize because you're trying to hide. Try to look into counseling and do not be ashamed to talk to your family or doctor about this. The weight off your shoulders will feel amazing.

    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Thank you for your reply. I am definitely going to look into it, I'm just not sure where to start? Do I have to go to a GP then be referred, I've never done it before.

      Yeah I think my paranoid side gets the better of me sometimes I just feel really nervous around people and in social situations.

      No I wouldn't say I do. I have had one 6 month relationship in 5 years, when men ask me on dates I always turn them down because I'm so afraid of coming across desperate. Which that much time alone makes it even harder to meet new men. rolleyes

      Yeah I guess we all have our flaws and we are only human to not love ourselves completely. It would be so nice to go out feeling beautiful and confident.

      Thank you very much for the advise I really appreciate it smile x

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Oh no no one relationship in five years? I honestly think there is some underlying anger or jealousy on your sister's behalf.. Does she get as many offers as you do? Start accepting offers and go out on dates.. Only way you would be desperate is if you're settling for someone who treats you horribly just because they pay attention to you. Otherwise, do your thing and try to find someone special.

      Yes talk to your gp about a referral. I'm not sure if it's always required, but I know my insurance made me get a referral to a therapist because they would only cover counseling.

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

       Referrals depend on the type of insurance you have. If you have an HMO you may need a referral from your primary doctor to see a counselor but your primary doctor can help you with that. If you have a PPO you generally do not need a referral. You can call your insurance company on the back of your card To find out if you need a referral. But starting with your primary doctor would be best.😺

      Report / Delete Reply

Join this discussion or start a new one?

New discussion Reply

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the forums to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the forums are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the forums is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.

newnav-down newnav-up