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Hey, so here is the thing. I am a 25 year old female seeking some answers or some advice.
I am not sure if I have anxiety/depression. I have always put off speaking to people about it. Including friends, family and my gp. But I am fed up of feeling the way I feel. I have always had a very low self esteem from a very young age. I was bullied as a child for being over weight, by siblings and school children. Since school I have lost a lot of weight but now I feel more paranoid about how I look. Everything has since stuck with me.
I feel like I've lost all interest in going out and doing the things I used to enjoy doing. I hate to walk into bars because I feel people stare at me. I don't show any confidence and I am fed up with people saying "don't you ever smile" or "you always look miserable" I can't help this, I don't feel like I fit in and I feel as though people talk about me. And I go stiff and fidget and chew the insides of my cheeks. I am single and have been for quite some time and it gets me down, I feel like I'm not good enough for anyone and that I am never going to settle down because I am not confident to go out and meet new people.
I have recently started my dream job, I am training at the minute and I am feeling like I am going to fail and let everyone down because people keep telling me how proud they are of me. I never believe in myself in anything I do and I always think i can't do things.
I worry about the way I look, I am not happy with my body nor my face. I feel when I try and make myself look and feel nice people put a downer on me by saying "your vain" or that I am not natural and I'm fake.
I have an older sister that can be quite harsh. She tells me that I am desperate if I start seeing a man and always says to me "you go for anyone that gives you attention" which puts me off getting close to a man. I feel like I have a phobia of men and I am scared to meet them.
I have never thought about self harming or suicide. But I have thought about death quite a lot, usually about my parents or my loved ones dying one day and it brings me to tears.
I want to feel good about myself, I want to feel happy and I want to be able to believe in myself and I want to be confident. I don't want to see a gp though. What's wrong with me? I'm so fed up of feeling low.
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