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I am scared it will happen all over again and I don't know if I can take it.

Posted , 3 users are following.

em85386
em85386

Around 2 years ago (March 2015 I was 19 back then) i had been through a rough patch of giref accompanied depression. That had been a tough year on it's own major life changes etc and three people in my life died within a few months so I was just plain scared I had panic attacks I was afraid of every thing I mortified that I was going to die but what had me terrified were all the morbid thoughts I had revolving around death my own or the people close to me. I was scared to live... I wasn't eating I couldn't sleep well It was like someone took over my brain. Now three months ago March 2017 my grandma died she was sick so I had made my peace with it I had my friends there for me and I was doing fine... last month a close family friend died but she was sick as well so again I didn't really get to me I was sad but I was okay ... now Saturday my uncle ( not blood related my aunt's husband died suddenly that's tha same aunt that her mother died) I am terribly sad about it and i honestly can't stop thinking what if it happened to me ( I bring myself i my aunt's or my cousin's or even my uncle's position ). And I am terrified all over again I can feel the morbid thoughts circling me. My friends - since Uni is over- are home we still talk but i don't want to scar them with my thoughts ... my parents were with me all the way when grief/depression knocked me down the first time and it affected them as well so I can't tell them this time ... they obviously can see that I am not okay but I can't just phrase those thoughts ... I don't know if this is TMI but I am PMSing so my serotonin levels have dropped. The doctor two years ago had prescribed me emforal for the panic attacks he thought I was too young for anti-depressants. I just can't... I feel like I am drowning I want to pause life I just I don't know I need to speak to someone but my old doctor moved and I can't trust a new one now ... please someone just help me ( English is not my first language so I am sorry for any grammar errors)

0 likes, 3 replies

3 Replies

  • anna17409
    anna17409 em85386

    Posted

    You definitely need to see a counsellor for your own peace of mind. You cant go on like this. A trained professional will understand your feelings and help you to deal with it.
    • em85386
      em85386 anna17409

      Posted

      I had went for a consult to the therapist that my old doctor recommended when she left but I didn't like her ... i felt like she was just too busy and she couldn't care less about my problems I don't know maybe it was because she was new I am too picky ... I just need to talk to someone until I find a good therapist ... I considered going to my uni's councelling department but I can't afford the drive back to Uni now that the year ended ... I know of this forum of a friend of mine she had major anxiety attacks and she said that talking it out sometimes with people that had the same problem was making things easier ... i do have to go to a therapist but that's a long process and I need someone to talk to someone who doesn't know me and someone who knows what I am going through.

  • ZEN.
    ZEN. em85386

    Posted

    Hi, I can relate to a lot of what you are saying here.

    I have had friends, ex family members and my father pass away.

    I also suffer with chronic anxiety and depression.(6years)

    Re the death part I have come to accept that death is as natural a part of life as birth, we all came from stardust and to stardust we will return.

    I would recomend you make the next available appointment with your gp and ask for a therapist which is what i have done.

    You are stronger than you think.

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