I am too sad and it's hurting my husband

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I just can't seem to be happy. The other day I looked at a picture of my 5 years old self and I just figured out that I have been sad for a long time, I am 31 now. 

The problem is at the moment I should be the happiest, I have nothing to complain about and my husband does not get it when I tell him I feel like a failure and a loser. 

He has a phD and I have a bachelor. I was supposed to be a doctor but I failed. My parents had a miserable marriage and I think my father is severely depressed ( that's where I got it I think) now they are divorced but I can't seem to let go of it. I was supposed to be a doctor, help my parents, take care of them, but I can't now. 

I don't make money, I rely on my husband and I stay home with my infant daughter. My husband does not get it, he says there is nothing in my life that should make me sad but I can't help it. 

I was a promising star but ended up afraid inside a house talking to a toddler for the majority of the day. 

I need to get past this feeling 

I don't k is how, my husband says I suck the life out of him and I look dead. But remember that puffy of me when I was young, I still gave that same look today. 

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6 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi there, it's difficult for a partner to understand unless they have been through it themselves, nobody does, you don't necessarily need a reason to be depressed it can be a pre disposition to it and as your father suffered it would appear it's hit you, a bit like me it runs in my family.

    You need to think about yourself and not your husband, have you been to your dr to get medication and some form of therapy to help you out if this depression so you can perhaps change your circumstances? 

    Your not a failure as ive no doubt you are a good parent.

    Your parents miserable marriage has had an effect on you from an early age but you can't drag this around with you forever it's done thing you need to come to terms with and move on with your life. Your obviously very intelligent so there is something out there for you if you want it.

    Get the help you need for your "sadness" and you will get past this feeling.


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  • Posted

    Have you been disgnosed with MDD ? Are you taking medication ? 

    Being depressed is not a choice it is a chemical imbalance and wishing it away does not work. 

    I was where you are (15 years ago).I have been on and off of different medications during that time. I saw an East Indian Auyrvedic practitioner who said he could halp me get off of drugs and live clean and healthy. I had to contact him daily and avoid certain foods that are known to trigger depression. I no longer eat dairy, processed meats, refined sugars, caffiene or consume alcohol. I have been free of prescribed drugs since April 2017 and I have NEVER felt better. i do take a number of herbs but at least they have no side effects.

    Please do not give up.

    Remember depression is not a choice,it is an illness just like cancer is.

    Good luck, Smile even when you don't really feel like it. You will be in my prayers.

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    • Posted

      Thank you for your comment 

      Today I feel much better. I am determined to make it last with good daily habits , meditation, and diets.

      I am just curious, what herbs do you take?

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    • Posted

      I am glad to hear today is a better day!

      I take turmeric(some people need to be careful with this one because of a sensitivity), brahmi, guggul,shatavari,and until recently ashwaghanda. The practitioner removed it from my regimin as I have recently been diagnosed with PMR( an auto immune disease). If you are interested in trying herbal supplements please see a Dr who is trained in their use as it is important to follow up to make sure you are getting the proper amounts and do not have allergic reactions to any of them.

      I felt they were worth trying as I was tired of prescription drugs that left me feeling empty and numb. They have worked for me so far. Yoga, meditation and diet are also a big part of my regime.

      I too grew up in a broken home, with alcoholism and abuse. It is hard to put behind you but with focus on the positives in your life you can become the person you want to be. 

      I agree with Neil,, you are not a failure. The reason you have come to this forum is the same as all of us--reassurance. 

      I believe in YOU, keep in touch!


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  • Posted

    Hi. I can understand your concern. Such things can hit you all of a sudden and you don't realise how it happens. Yes, genetics can also have a role to play in this as you mentioned about your father having undergone a troubled marriage. It can be that your parents' troubled life is causing you to behave the way. You should try and ascertain the reason and do something to get rid of it. Maybe talk to someone close to you, who can understand your concern, listen music or do something you love and which makes you happy. If you feel you cannot help yourself, you can seek help of a counsellor. I recently consulted an online forum called eWellness Expert. They have psychologists with wide amount of experience in their field who can help you. You will be okay, don't worry. Hope this helps.

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