I believe my BF has PTSD and is pushing me away, what can I do??

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My boyfriend and I have been together for roughly 1.5 years, it's been a bumpy road, but I thought we were past all of it. I didn't really think much of it until a recent activity, (fyi: has never mentioned to me if he has had PTSD, Im only assuming)

My buddy texted me @ 3 in the morning, (my bf & I sleep late). I mentioned it to my bf and then my buddy said him & his girl broke up. I mentioned that too. My bf just said "oh okay", then fell asleep about an hour after.

He then randomly woke up at 5 in the morning, jumped out of bed so fast out of the room and downstairs and all I could here was his foot steps pacing. It scared me, sounded like he was looking for something or someone. I was awake prior to him randomly waking up and jumping out of bed. I thought maybe he was sleep walking, but when he came back to the room (I turned the lights on before he got back, I was gonna go check on him) I asked him if everything was okay. He had the angriest face every, clenching his jaw saying "nothing is wrong". I've only seen him so angry a few times, most times he is a very nice guy and doesn't have much reaction/emotions to anything. I asked him if he heard something? he said "I thought I forgot to turn off the water or something" and mumbled a bit and went back to bed. After a few minutes after he said quickly "I'm going to sleep in the other bedroom" and took off.

It was the weirdest thing I have ever come across, I immediately searched up PTSD and any symptoms possibly linked to what just happened. I took the time to think about it throughout the day and if I may have missed any symptoms that I might have come across.


-Mentions his life is boring, hates his life

-Often rejects any invitation to gatherings, parties

-If accepted and he goes, lacks interest unless it's with genuine friends of his

-Gets snappy and moody for no apparent reason

-Has mentioned he does get nightmare every now and then, one of them was about dead bodies

The day of the incident, I thought... okay, maybe he just has a bad dream and needs to shake it off. He ignores me the whole day. I talked to him as normal and asked if he wanted to talk about it - (didn't specify what 'it' meant to him), he said no. I then proceeded to research PTSD and try to find ways to approach and try not to trigger or make it worst throughout the day. I talked to him calmly and then slowly brought up my hands to so I could hold his cheeks and give him a I kiss. He had a look on his face of "If you touch me Ill hurt you" and well actually said "Don't touch me!" and backed off as soon as I moved my hands closer. He started to hit stuff in the house and shoot his guns in our back yard (we live in the country by nobody). All I could hear was his feet pacing back and forth, banging, shots every once in a while. I checked on him the last time and he said "This is my house, I can do whatever the F I want". I didn't say much except "I was just wondering because I heard a noise". I didn't want to push him into talking, but I wanted him to know I was there for him so I would come back every often to ask normal things & sometimes come back to ask if he wanted to talk calmly.

Finally he unleashed - ultimately said it was because I got him where I want him to be and that I won. That I control what he does and I nit-pick small things he do. FYI, we barely ever argue and if we do I often tend to explain why I'm upset/mad and use "I" statements to avoid accusations. He said that "If a girl were to text me at 3 in the morning saying she broke up, you would flip out at me!" - and that was it. He made a hypothetical scene and imagined that and got mad because it would be a double standard. I stayed calm the whole two hours he yelled and got into my face. I would look away, use a calm voice and try to shield whatever he mean things was saying. Now... I don't believe this to be the real reason he is angry with me, I feel it may be the PTSD talking and trying to rid of me or he is just very angry and needs a reason to yell, but I feel so weak, I am unfortunately very venerable. After we had a reasonable "him" yelling session we seemed somewhat 'Ok' and then into the night of he goes to the other room, I ask if I can sleep with him tonight, he said "If you really want, but I'd prefer not". I said okay and took the que and went to the other bedroom.

What can I do? I believe he has PTSD, but I don't think he's ever been diagnosed or not that I know of, but he is a Veteran and he has been to the VA quite often, somewhat therapy.

His background:

Marine Corps, Infantry Rifle. Deployed to Afghanistan and Iraq I believe for four years, this was a while back possibly 2009? - I met him in 2018. I asked later if he has shot a person before, he said no, only a stray dog. No actual kill, but he has seen or head a person blown up, been bombed in his camping site area, seen a blown up body corpse, etc.

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  • Edited

    hi ahsino, have you ever thought of becoming a doctor, he absolutely has PTSD. he needs professional support past you helping him and being there for him. this is alien to our minds seeing all these scary events. he's really struggling but you don't need this pushed on to you. you must have support too, ptsd affects not only the people who have it but partners and loved ones too. i know this to be true as this is what i have experienced and i am the one with PTSD. i wish you luck speak to your doctor, explain it all and ser what they have to say, ptsd is now taken seriously.

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    • Posted

      I met my partner six years ago online. He is ex military, and a musician

      We have had some ups and downs but generally things were great between us.

      He was diagnosed with PTSD about 4 years ago.

      A lot of things have happened since then, we were engaged to be married, we rented a house together, but having to cancel the wedding, family issues and with the pandemic we broke up 😞 He said his feelings had changed towards me. It broke my heart

      I still love him, and try to keep in touch everyday. But often he doesn’t answer

      In the last few weeks, we have become close again. He even said to me that his feelings were coming back

      I was wary but overjoyed. I was so scared that they might change again.

      I had been spending weekends with him, he was really enjoying my company again. Then I sensed there was something wrong, and he has gone quiet again and said he just wanted to be on his own. Which I respect. But he stops answering my text. And I worry about him. He has no family near him. I just don’t understand what has happened. He’s done this before and ghosted me for a whole month. When I try to ask what’s changed, he says I’m being intense

      I have lived with his ptsd for a long time, and thought I understood about him. But then this happens and I feel I’m back to the last time

      Just need to talk and get some thoughts from you guys 😢

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    • Posted

      keep messaging me. i will keep reading, keep listening and try to help you. i have PTSD, sometimes you feel so bad being near anyone is too much some days. occasionally just let him though you're there, by doing this you rebuild trust in his mind. i am female and mine wasn't through anything usual. it's taken me years to recover and even now i haven't quite, you need to do what you're doing. well done, don't forget to look after yourself though.

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