I can never let myself eat junk food again.
Posted , 4 users are following.
In my previous forum post, I've been talking about my eating disorder (eating about 200-300 calories a day in the beginning of December) and my strong urges to relapse.
Deeply connected with that, it feels like I can never let myself eat junk of any kind ever again.
I feel like this is the reason I turned myself into a "truck" (Used to be a BMI of 25.5, currently a BMI of 20.6), and my eating disorder has still been impacting me deeply (I am currently day 4 in recovery with the help of my father). So in effort to never get fat again and to get lean and keep it that way, I would never let myself eat any junk food.
I look at the cakes, the pizza, and the cookies, and I keep shunning and turning away. I'd treat anything higher than 150 calories per serving as the devil (unless it was protein, such as chicken or Greek Yogurt), and I feel like I've been holding myself down with chains.
It's not helping that our house has all of that, and has mostly that - mini cake snacks, crackers, and many simple-carbohydrates, and this keeps making me feel more depressed and hopeless, like I can never eat them ever again if I want to be skinny and get lean.
It's been really affecting me, and my mood's gotten really bad. I'm pretty sure I'm in depression at this point.
Thank you so much for reading this. It means so much to me.
0 likes, 3 replies
linds00809 Cookieperson
Posted
Sorry to hear that. I am slightly in the same boat however I still am trying to get over bulimia. It is difficult and it is normal to look at food sometimes like it is bad, I try to eat clean now and think if i have something, even a glass of wine, don't think too much about the calories, eating healthy food helps as you need to teach your mind to know your body needs it. I also have anxiety and other conditions so I use CBD oil, have you ever tried it? Hope you feel better soon and find a way to be able to have things in moderation....
brian_49437 Cookieperson
Posted
I am exactly the same, I live on nothing at all, I feel so guilty every time I eat
Emis_Moderator Cookieperson
Posted
Dear Cookieperson,
We are concerned that you are showing significant signs of an eating disorder.
Having an eating disorder is not just about being very underweight and having anorexia nervosa or bingeing and purging in bulimia nervosa. Nor is it only women who get eating disorder – men have eating disorders too, and there’s no doubt that they’re on the rise. Recent years have seen the rise of ‘clean eating’, where foods are seen as ‘good’ or evil’. Unfortunately, many experienced psychiatrists such as Dr Max Pemberton are clear that clean eating is “simply an eating disorder by another name and in the unit I work in, it’s an epidemic."
We would urge anyone who is struggling with any aspect of their eating to read our information and seek help from a charity such as the eating disorder charity Beat or from their doctor.
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Other eating disorder support groups:
ABC is a national UK eating disorders organisation
National Centre for Eating Disorders
NHS Find eating disorder support services
Regards,
Patient