I can't cry anymore I feel a bit empty

Posted , 5 users are following.

I haven't had the best couple of years a lot of traumatic events and stress that I won't delve into too much on here , I have suffered depression on and off but do not take any medication for it , but recently I have been finding it difficult to feel emotions I cannot seem to cry .. even if I do feel said I cannot reach the point of tears coming out it's strange and worrying me anyone feel like this before ?

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7 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Emma, I know that feeling only too well. It's almost like your brain can't take any more bad events and wants to close down. Don't worry about not being able to cry, the tears will come. Have you had a nasty shock? I'm not being nosy, but perhaps it's time to go see your Gp. Explain this all to them, they will understand you. Do you have a good friend? An aunt, sister? Don't be alone. Get some professional support, and some emotional support. I hope things start looking better for you soon.

    julia 

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    • Posted

      Thank you soo much for taking the time to reply . I have had a few big traumatic events in the last few years , abusive relationship the escalated that I have been finally able to walk away from, I cried for a long time but now I feel nothing the way I used too , but it doesn't feel in a good way I feel overwhelmed and tired and a tightness in my chest when I want to cry but can't let it out in any form . I find it difficult to talk to family and friends as I feel ashamed of the things I have let someone do to me , but i know my next step is to talk to my GP. Again thanks for replying it's very much appreciated x

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    • Posted

      I know how you feel Emma. I feel guilty too, and stupid. 20 years nearly - best years of my life. Be proud that you had the courage to leave - mine left me. I know now that my ex has narcissitic personality disorder. He was very manipulative, and if your ex was anything like mine yours will have made you feel confused and like things were your fault. I was constantly 'gaslighted'. I didn't know what that term meant before but it's named after a film where a man basically makes his wife believe she is going mad - like it's all her, not him. It's been nearly 3 years for me and I'm still coming to terms with the fact that I wasted so much time on him. My parents don't have a clue as to the extent of things - but you need to let it out and tell someone. Yes, go to your GP. Constant stress and tauma like that can cause a form of PTSD. I don't know if you have that, or even if I do, but I know I'm finding it very hard to come to terms with what he put me through. It can be a long wait to recieve help - so go now, don't wait.

      I wish you all the very best and hope that you can move forward to a happier future. xxx

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    • Posted

      Aww Mari34228 I am very sorry to hear that you have had the same awful experience . Unfortunately yes it was a manipulating controlling and violent situation that I hid from everyone made excuses and ridiculous stories up about my random visible injuries , but the physical side I could almost deal with but the mental torture runs soo much deeper I didn't even know who I was anymore and he had managed to convince me I was a terrible person. But one day he strangled me and I just had a realisation he is going to kill me one day and I'm not willing to let him win , that was 2yrs ago today , and I have felt every emotion since then didn't leave bed for a few months , but this emptiness stage I don't like and worries me ! But I know it's time to visit my GP and be open about how I am feeling . I hope you will soon feel back to your wonderful self and be able to fully heal from this experience , I am hopeful for the same! Thank you for your reply it has helped a lot ??Xx

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  • Posted

    I'm glad I could be of help. I find the people on here very helpful especially when times are really bad. And well done for walking away from the abusive relationship. Of course you are numb, and you feel that tight feeling in your chest. It's all the pain inside, it will come out, but perhaps you need to look after yourself now  for a while. Be kind to yourself, we are so hard on our selves aren't we. Listen to your body. It knows you best. You have done so well, walking away from an abusive relationship is a very brave thing to do, and now you can look forward. Don't be ashamed of your difficulties. Everybody has them, some worse than others. I'm glad you are going to Gp. Let me know how you get on. I'm always here if you want to email.

    julia 

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  • Posted

    Hi Emma - so sorry to read about what you have been through. Luckily you have seen the light and escaped from that monster. People like him start with the odd cruel comment and soon graduate to demeaning their target, blaming them for anything 'wrong' whether real or imagined, isolating them, controlling who they contact and where they go, belittling them to others and in front of others. Once they have their talons into their target, the psychological cruelty can escalate to physical assault, threats to kill, explosions of physical rage. Target, once controlled, finds it difficult to beak away from the routine that has been established, and, since the target is usually a decent, caring person, they will find reasons to give the bully another chance in a sometimes desperate hope that the bully will change. They won't. What you are seeing is who they really are. these sorts of people have learned how to manipulate everyone around them and we often hear other say 'No, he's a lovely person. He did this or that for me. he's so polite" etc, etc. It makes it difficult for the target to find anyone who will listen to them, and compounds the lie that the target is a complainer, a liar, nasty etc. It's a terrible place to be in and devastates the life of the target.

    The psychological and emotional damage runs deep because the target has invested so much into the dynamic and has been indoctrinated with the idea they cannot survive without the abuser there to 'manage' or correct' everything. The helplessness and hopelessness as well as the deeply damaged self esteem cripples the survivor. What is needed is a systematic unravelling of that damage, and the best place to do that is in a controlled environment with a professional who can guide the survivor through the minfield and offer suggestions and any referrals in a safe environment. Unfortunately, Emma, it's going to be up to you to heal the damage that monster has caused. But you have made the first and most important step - you've escaped him. It will take time to accept that none of this - NONE OF IT - is your fault. The shame is his, though he will never see it that way. He will always blame someone else.

    Make steps today to find a psychologist/therapist/counsellor who has experience with this type of situation. Your GP will be able to refer you. A suggestion might be made that medications are required - this is only a temporary thing and will help even out your mood so you can better fix the damage that he has deliberately, systematically done you. Meanwhile, make sure you do not get into a situation with him where you are alone with him, not matter what excuse he uses to tempt you. If you have any problems with him interfering in your life, stalking, phone threats, suddenly turning up in places where you go, make a police report. One of the most dangerous things in a dynamic you have survived is when the abused leaves the abuser, who is outraged that their target dare leave, and who thinks tyou are somehow his property.

    Hang in there Emma. Remember you are not responsible for that monster. He is. We are always here to talk to. Best of luck.

     

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  • Posted

    I get overwhelming feelings to cry but when I try it doesn't happen and I feel like im slipping further into a deep depression, where I feel like I cant discuss or tell anyone I know what im feeling, its destroyed my last relationship, andi have never been able to grieve the losses of my dad, mum and sister in quick succession as I had to stay strong for my kids I feel like I am drowning and cant get to the surface anymore, if that makes sense

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