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I can't do this anymore. Am I depressed?

Posted , 5 users are following.

Ella177
Ella177

Hey everyone,

Let me get everything off my chest.

Im 20 years old and have been suffering with mild anxiety for 4 years. It wasnt a big deal and I was still outgoing and happy girl.

Last year when i finished high school, one tragic event happened in my life and since then im a total mess. It all started with terrible health anxiety for every little thing on my body and i mean EVERYTHING. At first i was going to the doctors for every problem but then I stopped telling my parents about anything, since i didnt wanna worry them and spend any more money. Since then ive been holding everything to myself and crying like a mad person every night until i fall asleep. Everyday a new symptom comes up and i feel myself disappearing a little bit more each day. And im SO exhausted. I mean i struggle to get out of bed knowing my day is going to be another miserable attempt of living normally. Im just so so tired physically and mentally. My head is falling into pieces at the moment and im shaking. Im afraid of dying and i constantly think I have some deadly illness. In addition to all physical symptoms I also have derealisation and my memory is terrible, i even struggle to find words when im talking. Also, my self esteem is reeeally low and I think everyone hates me. From the moment i wake up til the moment i fall asleep, i feel weak,shaky,extremely ill, detached from everything and sleepy like hell. And worst of all, I cant even cry anymore. God I really cant do this anymore, im too tired for everything.

If you read this thank you, and please tell me am I mad? Depressed? Has anyone experienced this and if yes did you manage to pull yourself out? I really need some help from you.

0 likes, 8 replies

8 Replies

  • Matt_M
    Matt_M Ella177

    Posted

    Hi Ella, I am curious what you must have gone through as it sounds like that has been the start point. Did you have any support or counselling for this event?

    Matt

    • Ella177
      Ella177 Matt_M

      Posted

      Hey Matt, someone close to me died suddenly.

      Yes I have great and supportive friends and family. But even tho they are supportive,they just dont understand what im going through everyday and I dont see the point in worrying them with my problems then.

    • tom57716
      tom57716 Ella177

      Posted

      I think they met help like therapy or a councilor that specializes in anxiety and or depression. But no you are not mad this happens sometimes in life and even though it may seem impossible many people on this site and in life all around us have these same problems and work through them and recover. 

      From famous people like the rock and Kevin love for the cavaliers to regular everyday people like me a mason. You can get through this but you need to help yourself if your sick of feeling like this make the call get into therapy and attack your treatment like your life depends on it because you will get better you will be normal you just need a little help to get there and some extra tools to help you learn how to cope with things you can do it and you are normal 

    • Ella177
      Ella177 tom57716

      Posted

      Yes, I was seeing a therapist for awhile but it just didnt feel right to me...Thank you for your insight
  • Lopez979
    Lopez979 Ella177

    Posted

    No Ella you're not mad but I do know how you feel and what you're going through. I've been dealing with anxiety for a few years but since this past September it's been so awful. Like you mentioned I get different types of symptoms everyday from extreme head pain, body aches, weakness, dizziness, lost of appetite, depressed etc. I've been to the er and doctors and all say I'm healthy as can be but I still convince myself that something is wrong. I do have my good moments tho like right now as I write this I'm good and luckily I am bc if I wasn't I'd probably wouldn't be on here lol. I know what you're going through is hard trust me I know but you're not alone. It's nice to see another people going through what you're going through although at the same time it's sad hearing others feel what you feel. As much as I feel hopeless at times we have to be strong and keep faith bc it'll get better soon. If you need someone to talk to about anxiety and depression I know all too much (sadly as that sounds).

    I really hope you start to feel better soon.

    • Ella177
      Ella177 Lopez979

      Posted

      Thank you so much for your reply. Hope you feel better soon toosmile
  • jeannisha97114
    jeannisha97114 Ella177

    Posted

    Omggg I wish I was there to help you get through this.. even though u don't know me.. I felt everything You said.. that was me ..January and February was my worst months.. I was having marital problems and it took a huge toll on me.. I had bad anxiety shortness of breath bad heart palpitations my heart rate would reach the 180's . I started to get depressed stopped eating for several days just completely starving myself I was always weak and I wouldn't get out of bed I was crying everyday wanting it all to end but also afraid of dying as silly as that sounds. I had anxiety so bad I couldn't really leave my house without panicking. I was literally in bed for 7 months straight. But eventually I got out and fought it.. you have to have someone pull you out of this.. right now you are hurting and need help and there is nothing wrong with getting help. Not medicine but Love and Genuine Support. Once I got my children back and even my husband things are not 100 percent back but I'm really and truly getting there day by day. And that's what you need take baby steps make a small goal and just do it and accomplish it.. it's a little hard but NOT impossible.. my love you are young you can't let life and time just pass by .. take back control over your life.. You got this.. 

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