I can't handle it

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I was taking mistazapine for about 5 months, i stopped taking it just after christmas because it was having no effect at all on the way i was feeling and made me put on weight so i stopped taking it.

I felt ok after i stopped, i was able to get on with things and even started going back to work part time.

I have also been seeing a guy who is doing psychotherapy on me for about 3 months which was going really well. I woke up monday feeling really really low, stayed in bed untill I saw him on wednesday and stormed out the room becuase i couldnt handle what he said. I feel really bad for walking out because i know he is trying to help but i just had to before i lashed out.

He said stuff about my parents that has just put me right back to square 1 and now i am in the worst mess i have ever been. I havent left my bed since i went to see him, i havent spoken to either of my parents or anybody, i havent eaten anything but plain bread and i am having thoughts every 5 mins that i want to put a stop to all this and take my life.

I thought i was getting somewhere....

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6 Replies

  • Posted

    Hey,

    Just read your post.

    Hope things are a bit better. I would imagine that the person you are seeing for psychotherapy is used to people walking out on him. Its natural for you to be upset about someone saying something about your parents.

    Thing is that if its natural then why beat yourself up about it?

    I understand the whole lying in bed thing. It happens to me too. Sometimes it just happens and I really have to struggle to do the most mondain things that others take for granted that they can do.....such as cooking food for themselves.

    I myself am on a rollercoaster where one day im feeling great then the next for no apparent reason im down.

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  • Posted

    :x i hope you are ok.!! Im coming off mirt and had an awfull row at work i too stormed out slamming and banging, hope its not going to be like this for ever, i felt really ashamed of myself after. Whats it all about.
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  • Posted

    Hi soundofsilence

    I understand exactly how you feel, I agree with the other guys who have replied, not worry about walking out, they work with people in our situation every day and totally understand how emotional people get. I really hope that you have somebody you can open up to when you are feeling this bad, if not please keep posting your thoughts here where we can give each other support.

    I know you feel like you are in a really dark place right now, I am too and it's a place I thought I had left behind a few years ago. I've started keeping a diary writing about how i feel and bad experiences from the past as they enter my head. I also channel the emotions into artwork, maybe you should try some way of venting like this. I have no family or friends beside my partner. So now and again I show him what I've wrote or created and it seems to make him understand how I'm feeling.

    I know i probably speak for everyone on this site when I wish you all the strength in the world and all my support is with you.

    Best wishes SJ (N. Ireland)

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  • Posted

    Thanks for the replies.

    I have had a chat to the guy I see and we have smooted things over with the whole parents thing and he was really nice about me walking out. He said he completely understood why I did it.

    I rang the samaritains for the first time last night because I was quite distressed and they were so nice, though I always thought they were only nice because they had to be, they probably thought I was a right idoit.

    I was thinking about going back to my docter to see if there was something else she could give me but to honest I don't see what anything or anyone is going to do to help me now.

    Its just a fact that people make me trust them and then let me down big time, thats just what people do to me.

    I don't care about what happens to me.

    I'm starting to really hate the way I am and the way I feel, what sort of a life is this?

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  • Posted

    [quote:665ca970a5=\"soundofsilence\"]Thanks for the replies.

    I was thinking about going back to my docter to see if there was something else she could give me but to honest I don't see what anything or anyone is going to do to help me now.

    [/quote:665ca970a5]

    I totally understand this thought. I have experienced this one too. Its a symptomatic way of thinking in that its caused by the illness.

    Please try. Please revisit your GP and discuss how you are feeling with her. There are plenty of other things out there for you to try if you give them a chance.

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  • Posted

    Hi, popped on to help myself but your post has called out to me. i hope you are ok. i'm glad you went back to the psych guy, but i really feel that what happened was a positive. here's how...

    you reacted very strongly to whatever he said re: your parents. he pushed a major button. this is an important issue for you, one that needs heeded and healing. please use this storming out as a red flag from yourself to yourself. please see that intentionally (i suspect) or not, this psychoanalayst has pushed you in the direction you need to go (metaphorically speaking, not out the door!). it is obviously hard for you, but you are not back to square 1 as you think- this could be a giant leap forward for you.

    i hope you can feel better :hug: ,

    x

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