I can't handle my boyfriend finding other women attractive
Posted , 10 users are following.
I'm actually going crazy!
I can't handle even the thought of my boyfriend fancying other people, and yes! I know it's stupid!? But I can't help it! Anytime he or even his friends say something about girls being hot or perfect I hate it!!! I don't know what to do, I'm doing CBT therapy at the moment but it's not helping because as soon as anyone makes a remark about a woman around me I feel myself get so red and upset!?
My boyfriend tells me he only wants me and he doesn't think of anyone else but I know he's lying which upsets me even more!? I'm actually going insane.
3 likes, 7 replies
marleen85993 jennie33545
Posted
Hi Jennie have you asked him to stop doing it as it does upset you?Does he do it to make you jealous as l would say most people would be annoyed if their partner said they fancied someone else.You also say he is a liar as he doesn't want to be with you.If he doesn't want to be with you why is he?I think you probably suffer from low self esteem which you need to address with your therapist.Keep going with the CBT and work hard on it and remember that he is probably putting a show on for his friends but he is with you for a reason.
jan34534 jennie33545
Posted
Keep in mind that young guys will talk with each otherabout Other girls looks. They are just very visual and nothings going to change that. there is not going to be only one person that somebody is attracted to. There are lots of good looking people in the world and people are just going to look at them. That's just the way it is.
that's been going on for centuries.
It's not polite to talk like that in front of you though. It's one thing to talk, but another thing to take action And actually go out with someone else. That's where the line has to be drawn.
you have to have enough self-esteem within yourself that no matter what happens you're OK with yourself. If you know for sure that he is lying and wants to go out with other girls then he may not be the right one for you. It would be nobodies fault, it's just possibly not the right match at that time in your life. You want someone that appreciates being with you. He may not be ready for a committed relationship. Sometimes you have to let someone go especially when you're young and one is more mature than the other. Remember girls mature way faster than boys.
stay in therapy so you can get some ideas of how to best approach this.
You'll be fine no matter what happens! 🌸🌸🌸
alexander04446 jennie33545
Posted
Hi Jennie, I'm going to say right now that I feel as though it's one of the most natural things in the world for both men and women to find other people attractive. Attraction is completely unrelated to love or sexual arousal. I'm only 22 so, the rebuttal to what I say could be 'oh but you're young, young people find everyone attractive'. But the reality is, your boyfriend loves you, so what else really matters?
I'm sorry to emphasise this so much but there really is a huge difference between attraction and sexual arousal, you both should find other's attractive, that's only natural. Your relationship is fine and by the looks of it your boyfriend will do nothing but support you!
I hope the CBT works really well and it clears up any issues you may be having.
Best of luck for everything!
frazzled jennie33545
Posted
Hi jennie: Question -- how do you know your b/f is lying? If you don't trust him, then maybe he's not the guy for you.
Jealousy and/or envy whether real or imagined, can eat you up alive. Are you jealous of and hate all good looking women who men might talk about? If so, you really do need some professional help right now (obviously more than you are receiving since you typed that CBT therapy is not working.
You're going to have to deal with that reality for the rest of your life. Speaking positively about a good looking man or woman is, IMO, healthy as long as there is no obsessing over it. when I see a good looking guy, I'm prone to stay something like OMG look at that guys bum and if my husband remarks about a gal having good looking legs, I may agree and think nothing more of it -- doesn't mean much unless he leaves my side to join her.
I hope you can get intervention for these emotions or you are gonna be one unhappy gal.
mac58 frazzled
Posted
I agree with that, Frazzled.
I sometimes ask my partner if he thinks some random woman is attractive and if he says YES I feel great, because he's with me, and has stayed with me for many years now. I also tell him if I find men attractive.
It doesn't mean we're going to be unfaithful, though.
Maybe it's your age that makes you feel insecure, my love. I am over sixty now and I trust my partner implicitly. And vice-versa.
cla32690 jennie33545
Edited
hey, I know this was posted years ago and you might not even be in a relationship anymore or see this, but I have the exact same problem and its completely destroying me. Did you ever work out how to handle these feelings?
DivyaParvin jennie33545
Posted
I think you really need to work on yourself because this can harm your beautiful relationship. Your boyfriend might genuinely talk about someone being attractive and that’s a very normal thing. You can tell him not to tell you about it if you don’t feel good.