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I’m scared I’m slipping into, if not already, an alcoholic. It runs in my family, my best friend has had success in sobriety, but I’m having a hard time. I never really loved beer till I met my ex. It is what we did together, he lived in a remote town where all we did was drink beer and hang out. But when you’re falling in love it doesn’t matter what you do. Things got bad about 10months in. I realized he had a pill problem, and a drinking problem that I was very much ignoring. In turn I started drinking too, a lot. He asked me often if my new love for beer was because of him - I would
Laugh it off and say no ... make an excuse as to something else going on that was causing me to drink during my work day, and my constant cravings for it. That was the problem- I never had this issue until end of last year. I have 1-3 beers at lunch, hard IPAs... sometimes I eat, sometimes I don’t. And now I feel like I can’t stop thinking about the next beer I get. Before and after everything. It’s become a TERRIBLE habit and it comes before everything. I can’t afford it, yet I still do it. I find it to be like a ritual or something I “get” to do- or more like “my little secret”. Either way, it’s got to go. I know my potential and what I am capable of- and this is dragging me and my life down. My goals are disappearing, my control is a lie, and I’m I denial about this. I need to learn new tools to get myself out of this spiral. I’m scared it’s gonna leave me jobless and embarrassed. My relationship has ended which is another reason why I’m allowing myself to “self medicate”.... but God knows I need some support around this, someone or something to relate to. It’s getting in the way of me living the life I want, and I know I can’t continue to blame it on the break up.
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