Posted , 3 users are following.
I have depression, but I can't get an image of my Dad dying out of my head. GP thinks it's PTSD. I have a history of depression and suicide attempts and am having Counselling but this soon finishes. I am really worried that I might end up in a psychiatric ward.
0 likes, 2 replies
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john_53927 lynne1953
Posted
Hi Lynne
I have suffered some horrendous depression over a 40 year period as well as other psychiatric ill-health. It is larely genetic but I have reactive depression too.
i note that you to have a history of depression and suicide attempts. Your mental state is very fragile indeed. I really feel for you as I know all to well the suffering involved.
My psychiatrist asked me to describe the pain and I told her there is no word in the dictionary that can express it.
Obviously, the image of your dad dying is an additional factor. Grief differs from person to person. I suffer PTSD as well after being confronted with a horrific murder scene; and attempted rape in my teens.
I know that the night terrors and flashbacks will never go away completely. I survive by taking matters one day at a time. I thank the Lord for medication as it helps with my sleep and so on, but im still in a lot of pain mentally.
I feel that you need a mental health team to be involved long-term in your situation. The pain is extremely bad, but you should not worry about ending up in a psychiatric ward. The patients have "rights" in this day and age.
i hope that I have been of some help.
In Jesus name
John.
lynne1953 john_53927
Posted
Hi John, I can't thank you enough for taking the time to reply. I have had Clinical depression since the dark ages, when the first time it happened I was sent away from the surgery to make a list of all the things I should be grateful for. That is around 40 years ago as well. From that I learned that whenever things were really bad there was no point in asking for help. It has now been agreed that I need some help but there is no funding in place for any newer, more patient centered methods of treating depression. I have been good at hiding how bad I feel so each suicide attempt, they were not cries for help, took people by surprise. I have always found my own way back from the bad things that have happened over the years but I have got to a point where I am stuck with the image of my Dad's last few moments, the absolute panic on his face and me standing absolutely still, doing nothing just watching.
Thank you again for your kindness.
Lynne