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Okay so basically for the past three months I've completely shut down. I don't feel like myself at all, and I keep thinking crazy and weird stuff 24/7 that nobody else would think about. I literally can't do anything at all, I can't even have a conversation with someone without spacing out. I do this thing where I'll start worrying I'll think about something, and then I'll think I'm thinking about that thing, but then I realize I'm just thinking about thinking about that thing. Does that make sense? I just have to many constant thoughts that it's even hard to keep track of what I'm even thinking about. My thoughts just have so many layers to them, it's insane. I feel crazy all the time and knowing that other people don't think nearly as much as me and don't have the thoughts I have is always in the back in my mind. I also always try and figure things out in my head. Like if other people think like me. Like I'll actually try and imagine myself as that other person in my head to see if they'd possibly be able to think the way I do. And now I have trouble understanding things I used to be able to understand because I think about them so much. Like the question "how is everybody different?" I used to be able to understand that because I didn't think twice about it, but now I cant stop dissecting and overanalyzing questions like that. I am continuously trying to figure things out in my head it's horrible. And I also have thing thing where I'll get a thought, and then I'll be aware that I'm having the thought, and then I'll realize that I'm aware of having that thought, and then I'll think about how I'm realizing that I am aware of having the thought I had, and then after all that in my head I'll try and understand how I even was able to get to that point in my head. Like i'll try to imagine it. Ugh I probably sound like a complete lunatic right now. That's how bad my overthinking is. I think it might be OCD, because I've had it since I was a little kid, but never like this. I was never this self aware and self analyzing with my OCD. My OCD actually went away for a couple of years, I mean I still had it but it wasn't nearly as bad as now. I think now it's just pure o OCD, because my compulsions are almost always purley in my head where I have to figure things out and imagine things constantly, and I literally mean constantly. I was just dealing with social anxiety, and that sort of went away too, but then this crap happened. And honestly, I'd rather just have the social anxiety than this. Like it's so bad now I can't even function. Now I also have this idea in my head that I can't shake off from reading stuff online. I have to literally watch everything I do, because if I don't I feel like I'm not really being me and I feel like I'm living and thinking without noticing I am, which scares me. Does that make sense? It's like I have to literally watch every single thought I have as they come in because it feels like my brain is just processing information and it's not really me that's thinking the things I think about. Whenever I start to think about something I catch myself and my mind will go "you're distracted" because I feel like the thoughts I have are just my brain processing information and it's not really me wanting to think the things I think about. I know that sounds completely ridiculous but I don't know how to get this out of my head. It's driving. Me. Crazy. I also get thoughts saying things like " maybe we're all not really consious. Maybe it's just our brains controlling what thoughts we have and who we are and we have no control over it". I need serious help. I try to tell myself that this along with the other billion thoughts I have are just brain junk and aren't true, but I just can't seem to let any of it go. What should I do??
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